25 Things a Perfect Guy Would Do

[Deleted]

you've all probably seem this list, its pretty old and its been floating around in the interwebs for a while. I didn't see it come up at all in search so here for the sake of discussion. My friends have been chain mailing me this (none of them understand that sending to all friends will result in me getting about 20 of these bad boys) What do you think of guys who seem to embody this list (for lack of a better term, whipped guys?

Spoiler: 25 Things a Perfect Guy Would do

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down.
2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always
notice.
3. Stick up for you, but still respects your
independence.
4. Give you the remote control during the game.
5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.
6. Play with your hair.
7. His hands always find yours.
8. Be cute when he really wants something.
9. Offer you plenty of massages.
10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.
11. Never run out of love.
12. Be funny, but know how to be serious.
13. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be
serious.
14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.
15. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually
hurts.
16. Smile a lot.
17. Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he
wouldn't normally like to do, just because he knows it
means a lot to you.
18. Appreciate you.
19. Help others out.
20. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.
21. Always gives you a peck on the cheek when you
depart from each others company, even when his friends
are watching.
22. Sing, even if he can't.
23. Have a creative sense of humor.
24. Stare at you.
25. Call for no reason.
26. Quit smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs - just
because he loves u that much to quit it.

I think this list is the dumbest fucking thing a woman (assuming) has ever written. I don't know any girls that expect this out of a man, and I don't know any man that tries to do any of these. Granted, some are common sense, so I'll high light some really outrageous ones.
Number 2 is just bizarre. You'll just look like a weirdo. Same with 6 and 9 (olololol).
Number 4 basically means to relinquish all sense of ownership and possession for the sake of your girlfriend. Since when was holding the remote a prestigious honor?
Number 3 in dudespeak is: Support me when I need it but don't expect the favor to be returned.

Maybe i'm just grouchy, its midnight, and I haven't slept yet. Escapists (guys and girls) what is your take on this. There isn't a female version of the list anywhere on the internet... maybe I should get the ol' typewriter out...

 

[sheic99]

This is all that needs to be said about this chainletter. [http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=26_things]
Edit:

I agree with Maddox.
And once I find the article, I will link it.

EDIT: http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=26_things

Damn you ninja!

 

[Sark]

Ok we need to start a new list. Try to keep it PG.

The List of Unrealistic, yes Manly Expectations

To start:
1. Bacon and Eggs for breakfast, every morning.

 

[Aesir23]

Ok, I'm a girl and even I don't want the majority of these things in a guy. (Also #26 is kind of moot considering I'd avoid a guy who does drugs). #24 is rather creepy.

I think 18 and 19 are the only ones in my list for an ideal guy, basic kindness and whatnot.

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down.

By telling a joke after smacking them and pushing them to the ground. You will laugh when I tell you to, damn it!

2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.

Seriously, it smells like vomit and death. Wash the stuff.

3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.

I respect your right to make me a sandwich by yourself.

4. Give you the remote control during the game.

*looks at hands which are not holding a sandwich* Hmm.

5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.

If I come at you from behind you won't be able to defend yourself.

6. Play with your hair.

Oh God, THE VOMIT HAIR IS ATTACKING ME!

7. His hands always find yours.

The hell is your hand doing in my pocket? Christ you're grabby.

8. Be cute when he really wants something.

Tigers are cute. And then they grow up. And they fucking MAUL you.

9. Offer you plenty of massages.

It's called acupuncture. I don't have the pins, but I have chopsticks out the whazoo for some reason.

10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.

If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me.

11. Never run out of love.

Love prices are too expensive right now anyway. Damned oil companies.

12. Be funny, but know how to be serious.

Seriously, make me a hilarious sandwich.

13. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious.

Hilariously make me a serious sandwich.

14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.

Tell you what, you get ready, I'll go die a couple times.

15. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.

OH IT IS ON ************!

16. Smile a lot.

I'm secretly planning to smother you with the decorative pillow you won't let me use.

17. Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't normally like to do, just because he knows it means a lot to you.

I hid the poison in the souffle. Will she find out? Let's watch.

18. Appreciate you.

I appreciate can openers.

19. Help others out.

Careful dude, her hair will attack you.

20. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.

I'm sorry but in these tough economic times the return on my investment just isn't worth the expendet--get your damn hand out of there, Jesu--THE HAIR!

21. Always gives you a peck on the cheek when you depart from each others company, even when his friends are watching.

Friends? I have no friends. The she vampire took them all from me.

22. Sing, even if he can't.

Just try and stop me.

23. Have a creative sense of humor.

Let's play "help, I've been buried alive!" You be the corpse. I'll be the guy who doesn't hear your frantic cries for help.

24. Stare at you.

*stares while breathing heavily*

25. Call for no reason.

*calls while breathing heavily*

26. Quit smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs - just because he loves u that much to quit it.

*smokes cigarette while breathing heavily*

That is f***ing hilarious! XD

 

[crudus]

2. The remote and couch are ours on game days.

edit: ok, I have been labeled "nicest guy I know" by more than a handful of girls and I only do about half of these things. If a female wrote this then I think she was rather egocentric. If a male wrote this then I think he is trying to make us look good by making girls thank the goddess we don't do these things.

 

[cheese_wizington]

2. The remote and couch are ours on game days.

FUCK THE GAME!

 

[zen5887]

Some of these are pretty straight forward, some are more 'when you are being romantic/playful' and a few are just... Odd...

I'll treat my girl how I want thank you, I don't need no list to tell me how to be a boyfriend.

 

[Deleted]

Okay to balance the field,

Spoiler: 25 things a perfect girl would do

1. Know the right thing to say when you had a hard day at work.
2. Try to secretly play your Xbox, but you always notice.
3. Cheer for you in a fight, but not berate you when you lose.
4. Give you the credit card during shopping.
5. Come up in front of you and put her arms around you.
6. Play with your ba- muscles.
7. Her hands always find your-
8. Be rational when she really wants something.
9. Offer you plenty of massages.
10. Dance with you, even if she dances better.
11. Never run out of love.
12. Be funny, but know how to be serious.
13. Realize she wasting too much money on Vogue magazines.
14. Not take so damn long getting ready.
15. Call the cops when you hit her and it actually
hurts.
16. Smile a lot.
17. Plans a romantic date full things you both like.
18. Appreciate you.
19. Help others out.
20. Drive 5 hours just to see you for the day.
21. Always gives you a peck on the cheek when you
depart from each others company, even when her friends
are watching.
22. Sing, if she wants to.
23. Have a creative sense of humor.
24. Stare at you, but not too much.
25. Make breakfast-in-bed for no reason.
26. Quit smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs - just
because she loves you that much to quit it.

 

[BehattedWanderer]

I love how "hand you the controller during the game" instantly retranslated itself into gaming for me. And fuck that shit, First one to the controller gets 1st player, she ought to know better than that! And even if you're not the first, as long as you connect first makes you first! Or if you're better. Or whatev. But to hand the controller off? The hell with that, unless you're really stuck. And be funny when he needs to be serious? Most women I've met find that either ironically humorous or annoying as hell. And If I'm being patient for her to get ready, and I flick on a game for the next twenty minutes while she's prepping herself for whatever, She's not allowed to get mad--patient shouldn't be bored.

And guys? Fair warning. Spontaneous means something completely different to women. If you suddenly suprise her with "Hey, let's go to the beach!" She'll yell at you for expecting something unreasonable from her, like going somewhere on a mutual day off for a suprise. What they want is for you to say "Hey, honey, let's go to the beach in say, oh, Three Weeks?" because that's a kind of spontaneous that allows them to judge whether or not they want to, or whether it's worth it, or whatever. So, fuck that idea of a man, say I, and know what you're looking for, and what they're looking for, then come to a compromise if you have to. But a mutual compromise, none of that all-her-way shit.

 

[crudus]

O Eris, both of these lists are a load of crap.

 

[Akai Shizuku]

-snip-

http://www.piercemattiepublicrelations.com/Skittles_twitter.jpg
You, kind sir, have made my day. You have earned these Skittles along with a hi-five.

 

[Akai Shizuku]

Okay to balance the field,

Spoiler: 25 things a perfect girl would do

1. Know the right thing to say when you had a hard day at work.
2. Try to secretly play your Xbox, but you always notice.
3. Cheer for you in a fight, but not berate you when you lose.
4. Give you the credit card during shopping.
5. Come up in front of you and put her arms around you.
6. Play with your ba- muscles.
7. Her hands always find your-
8. Be rational when she really wants something.
9. Offer you plenty of massages.
10. Dance with you, even if she dances better.
11. Never run out of love.
12. Be funny, but know how to be serious.
13. Realize she wasting too much money on Vogue magazines.
14. Not take so damn long getting ready.
15. Call the cops when you hit her and it actually
hurts.
16. Smile a lot.
17. Plans a romantic date full things you both like.
18. Appreciate you.
19. Help others out.
20. Drive 5 hours just to see you for the day.
21. Always gives you a peck on the cheek when you
depart from each others company, even when her friends
are watching.
22. Sing, if she wants to.
23. Have a creative sense of humor.
24. Stare at you, but not too much.
25. Make breakfast-in-bed for no reason.
26. Quit smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs - just
because she loves you that much to quit it.

You get to share the above Skittles.

 

[Deleted]

O Eris, both of these lists are a load of crap.

That's expected general consensus.

 

[vampirekid.13]

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down.

i generally pull this one off. i mean its my girlfriend, of course i want her happy.

2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.

depends which shampoo she used for the shower, if its the fruity one sure, if not screw that.

3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.

if you need me to stick up for you and you think you have independence you need to read the first part of this sentence again.

4. Give you the remote control during the game.

sure, ill be playing video games on my computer during the game. "The game" is stupid.

5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.

yea, i like back hugs.

6. Play with your hair.

my ex got mad because not only would i play with her long hair every opportunity i had i would also play with several of my other female friends hair every opportunity i have. i love long hair. and i will play with it. its like giving a cat a yarn ball. its going to play with it whether its his or not.

7. His hands always find yours.

this is fully dependent on whether her hands have a sammich in them.

8. Be cute when he really wants something.

yes. it tends to get results faster than being not cute.

9. Offer you plenty of massages.

if by offer plenty of massage parlors as options for you to go to. if that counts. no im not paying unless we've been together for more than 2 yrs.

10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.

id rather have malaria.

11. Never run out of love.

c[_] < if you dont see the empty cup look again.

12. Be funny, but know how to be serious.

im funny.

13. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious.

i realize it, and then continue to be funny because its more fun. life is about having fun and the hell if i sacrifice my fun because you dont want to have yours.

14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.

im patient, in the end if we're late im blaming it on you so i dont particularly care how long you take.

15. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.

you hit me and it actualy hurts ill hit back so it actually hurts back. guess what, women want equallity? well there it is.

16. Smile a lot.

im always cracking jokes and being funny so all i do is smile

17. Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't normally like to do, just because he knows it means a lot to you.

no thank you id rather compromise for something we both like. altho im always game for her leaving me alone and going to the opera w/ her friends so she can have "fun".

18. Appreciate you.

im all for this one.

19. Help others out.

sorry life isnt long enough to save the world

20. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.

if i drive 5 hrs i better be able to see her for at least 5 hrs. otherwise reward not worth it.

21. Always gives you a peck on the cheek when you depart from each others company, even when his friends are watching.

ill give you a peck on the lips when we depart in front of everyone. if ur my gf why woudlnt i?

22. Sing, even if he can't.

read what i said about dancing.

23. Have a creative sense of humor.

i have a crude sense of humor...

24. Stare at you.

how about girls start wanting less creepy things

25. Call for no reason.

i always call and talk to my gf for hours on end. shes my gf, so she has to put up w/ hte 5-6 hr conversation on nothing otherwise i complain.

26. Quit smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs - just because he loves u that much to quit it.

i dont do any of those.

 

[Valiance]

I agree with Maddox.
And once I find the article, I will link it.

EDIT: http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=26_things

CURSES.

Ninja'd again.

Seriously, I thought this topic was going to be ABOUT the Maddox article.

 

[Skeleon]

Of all of those, 15 is really the worst.
There is such a thing as spousal abuse and it doesn't just go one way, either.

Most of the others are just weird. Smell her hair? Stare at her all the time? Call for no reason? Sounds rather creepy/stalkerish to me.

 

[The_Healer]

Fuck sports.
There is nothing in the world that would make me sit down to watch "the game."
Not even having both my legs and arms amputated.
I would crawl to the TV to shut it off with my face.

And I'd laugh at your efforts...

OT: Yup this list is somewhat pathetic...
Clearly the product of too many teen drama shows that present the idea of the 'perfect guy' to annoying squealing 13-15 year old female audiences.