5 Game Genres in Need of a Spanking!
Because of the popularity of my other post, 5 Game Genres in Need of CPR: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.832877-5-Game-Genres-in-Need-of-some-CPR-STAT#20357410 , I've opted to do something similar, but different.
Publishers, who heavy handedly control many developers, are so very concerned with making money these days (who isn't) that I feel they often get in the way of making even more money! How weird is that? Well, one of the most insane things they do (with the good intention of making money) is beat video game genres to death! Let's have a look at some my personal worst offenders.
1) Spunkgargleweewee: Otherwise more professionally known as Gun-Wank games. You know 'em, you've probably all played them, you guilty maggots! I'll admit it, I own two (okay three) of them. But I'm not buying 'em anymore: why? Because they have gotten to a point of terminal bloat. I crap you not, the CoD: Ghosts trailer features Megan Fox, for no reason, other than they have money and they can, which has become the mantra of these games as they've maxed out the basic premise years ago. Why not have a dog, with animated dog hair? The programers already lifted all the stuff and guns they needed from the old games, what else are they going to do? These games make mountains of cash, but as far as I can tell are on the way out. They are no longer intelligent (not that they ever where about that), they keep slapping out the same game, with poor pacing, slave-like player mechanics, and poor stories, in which your role as player seems bizarre to useless at best, besides shooting things. So here is me hoping Ghosts flops, to show the industry CEOs this kind of thing can't go on forever unchanged. But some of you've probably already pre-ordered the deluxe super ultra collector's edition*. Ho-hum.
*Comes with directors cut uncut edition of Call of Duty: Ghost, with commentary, Call of Duty pez dispenser, with a CoD flashlight, a Ghosts bar of soap, chocolates, bath bubbles, six pack of Mountain Dew, a bag of Doritos, a Ghosts graphic novel, and a miniature golden AK-47 toothpick! All for only 399.00!
2) 3rd Person, Cover Based: This is the most lame default genre for a game. If a game gets made from a popular movie these days, you can bet after much argument the developers are told to make the game a cover based 3rd person game. Ever since the massive success of the world's most inane soap opera for men, Gears of War, in which you follow a race of aliens (too big and thick to be human) investigate all those fifty shades of gray, publishers have determined that this was the holy grail method to make money on every system. But for me, I see most of them for what they really are: a shooting gallery. Press a button, and your dude goes into cover? Are we that lazy; we can't duck behind a wall ourselves? I really think people bought these for the sweet movie like visuals (Uncharted series), but once this pretty pixels and lights thing wears off the genre will be stripped down to what it really is. In most cases, very very boring.
3) Point & Click Adventure: Now besides some of the Telltale series of games, this genre is kind of getting stagnant (again). And much like the early 90s, also saturated with a bunch of wasteful attempts, half baked at best. It has seen a massive revival on the indie market, and there are droves of good ones you'll point to when defending them, but really for every good one there is over a hundred bad and tedious ones. The problem with this genre is most games lack innovation (on anything) and thus have bad mechanics, i.e. the same silly mechanics that killed them in the 90s. The reason so many were made is because they were easier to make than ginger bread houses once you had the template, because no one ever bothered to update their gameplay. And in many cases their stories also became cookie-cutter garbage, as I am seeing happen today. It boggles my mind the success some of these titles are having. We live in 2013, with a plethora of cool things you can do in gaming; why would you want to click on items all day?
4) Free-to-Play: This one will always be a point of contention for me. Perhaps it isn't even a genre? Either way, they bug me. I remember when they first started rearing their ugly heads a few years ago, and every decent gamer was up-in-arms about them. Now people seem to accept their existence more and more, why? I don't know, because this is the same garbage that killed arcade games. They'll never be as good a game you paid for. They are designed, in every detail, to make money. You can smell capitalism wafting over every in-game mechanic, with the only goal of making the player a slave to the gameplay, not the other way around (as it should be). At least arcade games had more class, only needing a quarter at a time, despite how quickly they were made to take your change. These games will offer in-game packages for over a hundred dollars some of the time. Really? So swanky. Am I the only one who feels that the companies who make these can't be trusted with my credit card info? It just feels dangerous, like applying for a job that makes you buy the things your supposed to be selling. Kind of puts you off. And it gets worse: I've seen companies attempt to revive classic games by remaking them in this genre, as though it is some kind of testing ground to see if the game still has appeal (that's you Panzer General, and Jagged Alliance). That puts me off even more. That's just taunting me with a sick joke. This genre may work some of the time, but they'll never be considered video game art (if we're trying to get there). Imagine the Mona Lisa covered with automated window shades and a coin slot in the frame. Want to see a little lower, pay a bit more.
5) D-Bag Racers: I kind of harped on this one in my pervious post, but perhaps the realistic racers are not the real problem with the racing genre these days. After all, they are fairly straight forward, and unoffensive most of the time. If you like cars you'll usually like the racing sims. But there is this somewhere in-between; right around where the racing games feature re-charging NOS that you can regain from doing jumps or something stupid like that. These games are becoming more and more awful. It is so clear they are being made to exploit teenage boys, who just want to be mean to everyone and frustrated for no-reason in peace. These games represent an awful trend in the game industry?they often are the worst offenders when to comes to sexism, classism, racism, and even abusing inanimate objects. You play as douche characters, with hallow lives, doing racing and taunting others. At least in killing games you don't humiliate people's lives, you just end them in a clean manner (well, maybe not ?clean?). These games play up stereotypes and repetitive game mechanics to the max. I tired to like any of the Need for Speed games after classic older ones, but it was too hard to come to those games with even an ounce of maturity. If this is the whole so-called tuner scene, count me out!
(Edit) As pointed out by some other posts: an honorable mention goes out to MMORPGS. Congrats you pathetic genre! But, as other have stated, the genres needs way more than a spanking...
Because of the popularity of my other post, 5 Game Genres in Need of CPR: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.832877-5-Game-Genres-in-Need-of-some-CPR-STAT#20357410 , I've opted to do something similar, but different.
Publishers, who heavy handedly control many developers, are so very concerned with making money these days (who isn't) that I feel they often get in the way of making even more money! How weird is that? Well, one of the most insane things they do (with the good intention of making money) is beat video game genres to death! Let's have a look at some my personal worst offenders.
1) Spunkgargleweewee: Otherwise more professionally known as Gun-Wank games. You know 'em, you've probably all played them, you guilty maggots! I'll admit it, I own two (okay three) of them. But I'm not buying 'em anymore: why? Because they have gotten to a point of terminal bloat. I crap you not, the CoD: Ghosts trailer features Megan Fox, for no reason, other than they have money and they can, which has become the mantra of these games as they've maxed out the basic premise years ago. Why not have a dog, with animated dog hair? The programers already lifted all the stuff and guns they needed from the old games, what else are they going to do? These games make mountains of cash, but as far as I can tell are on the way out. They are no longer intelligent (not that they ever where about that), they keep slapping out the same game, with poor pacing, slave-like player mechanics, and poor stories, in which your role as player seems bizarre to useless at best, besides shooting things. So here is me hoping Ghosts flops, to show the industry CEOs this kind of thing can't go on forever unchanged. But some of you've probably already pre-ordered the deluxe super ultra collector's edition*. Ho-hum.
*Comes with directors cut uncut edition of Call of Duty: Ghost, with commentary, Call of Duty pez dispenser, with a CoD flashlight, a Ghosts bar of soap, chocolates, bath bubbles, six pack of Mountain Dew, a bag of Doritos, a Ghosts graphic novel, and a miniature golden AK-47 toothpick! All for only 399.00!
2) 3rd Person, Cover Based: This is the most lame default genre for a game. If a game gets made from a popular movie these days, you can bet after much argument the developers are told to make the game a cover based 3rd person game. Ever since the massive success of the world's most inane soap opera for men, Gears of War, in which you follow a race of aliens (too big and thick to be human) investigate all those fifty shades of gray, publishers have determined that this was the holy grail method to make money on every system. But for me, I see most of them for what they really are: a shooting gallery. Press a button, and your dude goes into cover? Are we that lazy; we can't duck behind a wall ourselves? I really think people bought these for the sweet movie like visuals (Uncharted series), but once this pretty pixels and lights thing wears off the genre will be stripped down to what it really is. In most cases, very very boring.
3) Point & Click Adventure: Now besides some of the Telltale series of games, this genre is kind of getting stagnant (again). And much like the early 90s, also saturated with a bunch of wasteful attempts, half baked at best. It has seen a massive revival on the indie market, and there are droves of good ones you'll point to when defending them, but really for every good one there is over a hundred bad and tedious ones. The problem with this genre is most games lack innovation (on anything) and thus have bad mechanics, i.e. the same silly mechanics that killed them in the 90s. The reason so many were made is because they were easier to make than ginger bread houses once you had the template, because no one ever bothered to update their gameplay. And in many cases their stories also became cookie-cutter garbage, as I am seeing happen today. It boggles my mind the success some of these titles are having. We live in 2013, with a plethora of cool things you can do in gaming; why would you want to click on items all day?
4) Free-to-Play: This one will always be a point of contention for me. Perhaps it isn't even a genre? Either way, they bug me. I remember when they first started rearing their ugly heads a few years ago, and every decent gamer was up-in-arms about them. Now people seem to accept their existence more and more, why? I don't know, because this is the same garbage that killed arcade games. They'll never be as good a game you paid for. They are designed, in every detail, to make money. You can smell capitalism wafting over every in-game mechanic, with the only goal of making the player a slave to the gameplay, not the other way around (as it should be). At least arcade games had more class, only needing a quarter at a time, despite how quickly they were made to take your change. These games will offer in-game packages for over a hundred dollars some of the time. Really? So swanky. Am I the only one who feels that the companies who make these can't be trusted with my credit card info? It just feels dangerous, like applying for a job that makes you buy the things your supposed to be selling. Kind of puts you off. And it gets worse: I've seen companies attempt to revive classic games by remaking them in this genre, as though it is some kind of testing ground to see if the game still has appeal (that's you Panzer General, and Jagged Alliance). That puts me off even more. That's just taunting me with a sick joke. This genre may work some of the time, but they'll never be considered video game art (if we're trying to get there). Imagine the Mona Lisa covered with automated window shades and a coin slot in the frame. Want to see a little lower, pay a bit more.
5) D-Bag Racers: I kind of harped on this one in my pervious post, but perhaps the realistic racers are not the real problem with the racing genre these days. After all, they are fairly straight forward, and unoffensive most of the time. If you like cars you'll usually like the racing sims. But there is this somewhere in-between; right around where the racing games feature re-charging NOS that you can regain from doing jumps or something stupid like that. These games are becoming more and more awful. It is so clear they are being made to exploit teenage boys, who just want to be mean to everyone and frustrated for no-reason in peace. These games represent an awful trend in the game industry?they often are the worst offenders when to comes to sexism, classism, racism, and even abusing inanimate objects. You play as douche characters, with hallow lives, doing racing and taunting others. At least in killing games you don't humiliate people's lives, you just end them in a clean manner (well, maybe not ?clean?). These games play up stereotypes and repetitive game mechanics to the max. I tired to like any of the Need for Speed games after classic older ones, but it was too hard to come to those games with even an ounce of maturity. If this is the whole so-called tuner scene, count me out!
(Edit) As pointed out by some other posts: an honorable mention goes out to MMORPGS. Congrats you pathetic genre! But, as other have stated, the genres needs way more than a spanking...
