A Body Theory

[Paragon Fury]

In a rather heated debate with a female coworker the other day, the topic of physical attractiveness came up. When the fact that I like big(ger) breasts attached to a smaller bdoy came to light, she absolutely let into me, calling me all sorts of things, the least of which was not "shallow".

This, being the thinker I am, got me to well, thinking. What causes such outrage at the idea that one prefers one kind of body over another, or one kind of body part over another.

It seems that the problem lies not in the actual thought or body, but the amount of control a person has over it. For example, while I could go to the gym and get a nice, toned body (I won't, mind you. Books to be read, games to be played), I could not go to the gym and make my penis bigger. I would have to be born with it, or go a surgeon for that. A woman similarly can go to gym to get obtain a more fit body, but then they cannot make their bust bigger there (quite to the contrary, they'd be likely to make it smaller.). They too would have to go to a surgeon, or be born with it.

Which caused a thought to strike me:

Perhaps its not the actual body that is what is offending - its when its based on things that person cannot control that does the offending. Would somone be as offended if they could do something about it that didn't involve major surgery and risk?

Or am I overthinking it, and its still just being a shallow ass thing?

 

[Nemorov]

I agree with your point there, about uncontrollable offending factors and all that. There are things that we cannot control about ourselves, and rejection based on that alone stings like a mo-fo.

It's just the way of the world though. Everyone has their own tastes and can't really be blamed for that. I know I'm guilty of hurting people's feeling because I didn't like something about them they really couldn't do anything about.

 

[pp2]

People like what they like. I have preferences, just as everyone else does. Sounds more like your co-worker is a little insecure.

Two examples come to mind. If you ever go to online dating sites, you'll see a lot of women describe their body type as "average" or "a few extra pounds" and then they post pictures of themselves that suggest they are like 40 pounds overweight. Personally I don't mind that, but because of this self-image they have of themselves (going into amateur shrink mode here), and then they get all pissy about a guy's weight. Apparently even though they are larger they don't consider themselves to be so, and they dismiss overweight guys since they don't see themselves that way. Guys probably do it too, but I don't go on those sites looking at other guys' profiles. (shrug)

Second example: I know someone who, in his twisted little mind, has an idea of what he considers to be physical perfection in a female. Its very much Barbie oriented and pretty unreasonable. He has no qualifications for what he wants as far as intellect or personality goes, he just looks for the body. Amazingly, he has yet to find that person. He has also dismissed several good long-term prospects over the years because they were a little heavy, or their breasts weren't big enough, or their hair was the wrong color, etc.

Hm. Did I even come close to answering your question? Ah well, thats too much typing so its getting posted anyway lol.

 

[Robert632]

it may also, have been she was calling you sexist,not to sound like a prick by just asuming she sexist.

 

[leviathanmisha]

I get mildly offended when guys point out that I need to have a bigger chest...I believe that guys can be shallow and pig-headed, but I don't believe you were. You would only be shallow if you told her that she needs bigger boobs or something...

 

[wwjdftw]

your co-worker sounds like an insecure *****.

amirite?

 

[deleted_scifidownbeat]

DELETED

 

[Lord S. Binkleheimer]

Yes, when we men say things along the lines of "Bigger breasts, smaller body", most women immediately jump at our throats.
I've yet to have one ask if there were any OTHER prefrences.

 

[supermaster1337]

How about we all agree that personality is automatically listed as a trait.

 

[Labyrinth]

I think that the idea that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" is misleading in this case. Things like breast and penis size matter much more to the person with said body part than to those who would have relationships with them. Note I said relationships here.

It's not shallow to say that one has an attraction to a particular body shape. That's like suggesting it's shallow to be heterosexual because you like the body parts of another being. However, it's shallow when that body type is the only thing that has any relevance to a relationship.

 

[crypt-creature]

It could be that she was also tired of hearing that kind of response, if a lot of the men she talked to had that same kind of preference.
It also doesn't help that the media puts skinny people in the lime-light, which makes women who aren't as skinny and have your average figure, feel like crap. It creates a lot of hostility for those that don't want to push physical beauty as much, since it starts to fall into the category of being a 'fad' and makes a person feel more insecure about their looks.
Pills and things are available to make a person slimmer, but if your build is one that is not naturally stick-figure thin it can get rather frustrating. Some people don't want to change drastically just to fit an image people perceive as 'better' than they feel they are.

It'd be like the majority of women wanting men with disgustingly toned and fit bodies, when the vast majority of males just don't care to be that way. After a while, you get tired of hearing about it, even though you also probably wont do anything to change yourself either.

 

[grimsprice]

a very intriguing deduction. i would have to agree with you.

 

[pp2]

It'd be like the majority of women wanting men with disgustingly toned and fit bodies, when the vast majority of males just don't care to be that way. After a while, you get tired of hearing about it, even though you also probably wont do anything to change yourself either.

Actually that was what I was alluding to in my response...women DO want that, for the most part. My experience has been that a lot of women tend to ignore their own "imperfections" and over scrutinize men much the same way men do to women. Its definitely a 2-way street.

And please don't take me as coming off as shallow, because I'm far from it even though that comment may make me sound otherwise. Think of it more as an observational complaint from an older single guy. )

 

[crypt-creature]

It'd be like the majority of women wanting men with disgustingly toned and fit bodies, when the vast majority of males just don't care to be that way. After a while, you get tired of hearing about it, even though you also probably wont do anything to change yourself either.

Actually that was what I was alluding to in my response...women DO want that, for the most part. My experience has been that a lot of women tend to ignore their own "imperfections" and over scrutinize men much the same way men do to women. Its definitely a 2-way street.

And please don't take me as coming off as shallow, because I'm far from it even though that comment may make me sound otherwise. Think of it more as an observational complaint from an older single guy. )

Some of it could be blamed on the media, sex does sell but at the same time it's making people think that being with someone who wouldn't make it into the top 10 hottest men/women of the year is beneath them.
It's.... very sad.

While the 'big boobs, skinny waist' thing does grate on my nerves, I don't think you're shallow.
To me, it's the same as Halo. I'm just tired of hearing about it so freakin' much!

Besides, most people are content with someone who doesn't exactly fit their perfect image, especially if their personality makes up for it.

 

[Paragon Fury]

Why does the "big breasts, skinny waist" idea get on the nerves of so many women though? Admittingly, one is something uncontrollable, but the other is often gained through personal effort, rather than "endowment".

 

[similar.squirrel]

So what you're getting at is..
People who don't bother are more unattractive than people who were born looking somewhat sub-par [like myself] but try to make some kind of effort to look acceptable?

 

[ZeroMachine]

So she's pissed at you for what you're attracted to? That's just, well... dumb.

You would be shallow if you refused to date someone without a D cup, or refused to date someone who's over 110 pounds. You're not shallow for prefering one look over another.

I mean... you aren't refusing to date girls on those grounds, are you? If not, than saying what you prefer is completely normal and natural. You don't hear (most) guys calling out girls for saying "I prefer guys with rock hard abs".

It's one of the reasons why the issue of sexism both makes me ashamed to know humans are like that and makes me laugh at how absolutely rediculous it is.

 

[Paragon Fury]

So what you're getting at is..
People who don't bother are more unattractive than people who were born looking somewhat sub-par [like myself] but try to make some kind of effort to look acceptable?

Err....what?

As for refusing to date girls....I never actually been on a date. Or seen a non-co-working female in the last 6 or so years.