A Poem: Unhealthy

[Asurnasurpal]

So, the following is a poem I wrote about my experience with gaming. I'm rather proud of it, so I descided to post it. Please be gentle, I'm kinda new to this.

Unhealthy

They have descided that we are
Unhealthy
They did not bother to ask
Or research
Or look into the matter
Because we are
Unhealthy
Isn't it obvious?
We play with our
Guns and
Knives and
Bombs.
It's just imaginary, but it's still
Unhealthy.
And what happens when we open?
Unravel ourselves from this chrysallis of ones and zeroes?
Stand up and
SPEAK?
Surely we'll be violent, and cruel, and hateful!
We are unhealthy!

But deep within
Culture upon Culture
A spark within Russian Dolls of obscurity
Burns
Grows bright
Shines out to us
And WE ARE HEALED.

We were unhealthy when we came in.
And now we can see that they are the ones who are
Unhealthy.

 

[michiehoward]

Very nice. kudos for posting it.

 

[EHKOS]

Awesome. Frankly awesome. Keep it up.

 

[SamuelT]

Though nice, I suggest finding a certain rythm to it. I couldn't really fine a consistent one.

..Yeah, that's all I got.

 

[The Afrodactyl]

It was very good. Much better than I could have done, and I'm a good writer (Poetry-wise, I do Haikus)

As above, I couldn't find a rhythm though, although the changing time-signature could be what lends it it's charm...

:EDIT:

Here's one for inspiration:

Violence, murder,
A couple'a "Sims" marathons.
I've wasted so much.