Hello there! It's fine to make your acquaintance random internet user, my name is Starmano1, and guess what I'm bored. And when I'm bored i do stupid things like go on The Escapist's forums and bump really old threads or drink laundry detergent. Truth be told I've reached the point of boredom where I'm actually going to post a review. AND THE CROWD ROARS WITH ENTHUSIASM AT THIS IDEA!
Actually, for this review i replayed a game i haven't actually played in a while.
...
Jesus christ am i really that bored?
... yes
ALRIGHT, here we go.
THE BINDING OF ISAAC
For those of you who don't know the Binding of Isaac an independent RPG shooter with heavy rogue-like elements that is also TOUGHER THAN FOSSILIZED SHIT. The game starts with you, Isaac, trying to, all and all, kill your own mother. Outside of context that sounds awful and sadistic but the ***** thinks she hears god and came at you with a butchers knife, so it's pretty much self defense, right?
It takes about 45 minutes to actually beat the game and i see now some of you are saying
"45 minutes? Who makes a game that only takes 45 minutes to beat and charges money for it?"
and i say
"People who make it nearly impossible to beat the first try, or the second, or the third, or the fourth, or fifth" You see where i'm going with this. Every time you die you have to restart the game from the beginning which, sometimes, can make you pickup your desktop, and through it out the window as it falls and lands on someones baby all you can say it "i regret nothing!"
Where was I? Oh yes, the game also randomly generates on each play-through so you never know what to expect every time you decide to give the game a whirl which at times is quite helpful and charming and other times wants to make you bash the developers heads in with broken chair legs depending all on weather you get lucky or not and can actually get a key to get into the levels fucking item room. Have i not mentioned items yet?
In game, most if not all items not only give you a buff of some kind but also more often than not (or, well, every time) change your appearance to give you devils horns or derp eyes or some shit. Truth be told my favorite play-through's are when my character looks severely fucked up by the end of it, and it's always fun to watch Isaac turn from a regular human being (sorta) into a guy with buck teeth, bat wings, and is also cross eyed with screws in his neck like Frankenstein's fucking monster.
Finally, the game is filled with fucking monsters, which, are technically supposed to be Isaac's lost brothers and sisters (and fly's, don't forget about fly's) but I'm pretty sure some of those creatures were the after birth or just a dump as big as a baby. The bosses at the end of each level, some of which i can see being human at one point or another but Larry Jr, I'm sorry, but what was Isaac's mom like back in the day? Looking at these creatures, she obviously had some pretty low standards and apparently never heard of birth control.
All and all, i like the Binding of Isaac, it's clever, fun, and if you have enough self control to NOT through your laptop out the window like me you should probably like it too. Unless your mom had REALLY LOW standards.
Actually, for this review i replayed a game i haven't actually played in a while.
...
Jesus christ am i really that bored?
... yes
ALRIGHT, here we go.
THE BINDING OF ISAAC
For those of you who don't know the Binding of Isaac an independent RPG shooter with heavy rogue-like elements that is also TOUGHER THAN FOSSILIZED SHIT. The game starts with you, Isaac, trying to, all and all, kill your own mother. Outside of context that sounds awful and sadistic but the ***** thinks she hears god and came at you with a butchers knife, so it's pretty much self defense, right?
It takes about 45 minutes to actually beat the game and i see now some of you are saying
"45 minutes? Who makes a game that only takes 45 minutes to beat and charges money for it?"
and i say
"People who make it nearly impossible to beat the first try, or the second, or the third, or the fourth, or fifth" You see where i'm going with this. Every time you die you have to restart the game from the beginning which, sometimes, can make you pickup your desktop, and through it out the window as it falls and lands on someones baby all you can say it "i regret nothing!"
Where was I? Oh yes, the game also randomly generates on each play-through so you never know what to expect every time you decide to give the game a whirl which at times is quite helpful and charming and other times wants to make you bash the developers heads in with broken chair legs depending all on weather you get lucky or not and can actually get a key to get into the levels fucking item room. Have i not mentioned items yet?
In game, most if not all items not only give you a buff of some kind but also more often than not (or, well, every time) change your appearance to give you devils horns or derp eyes or some shit. Truth be told my favorite play-through's are when my character looks severely fucked up by the end of it, and it's always fun to watch Isaac turn from a regular human being (sorta) into a guy with buck teeth, bat wings, and is also cross eyed with screws in his neck like Frankenstein's fucking monster.
Finally, the game is filled with fucking monsters, which, are technically supposed to be Isaac's lost brothers and sisters (and fly's, don't forget about fly's) but I'm pretty sure some of those creatures were the after birth or just a dump as big as a baby. The bosses at the end of each level, some of which i can see being human at one point or another but Larry Jr, I'm sorry, but what was Isaac's mom like back in the day? Looking at these creatures, she obviously had some pretty low standards and apparently never heard of birth control.
All and all, i like the Binding of Isaac, it's clever, fun, and if you have enough self control to NOT through your laptop out the window like me you should probably like it too. Unless your mom had REALLY LOW standards.