A soon to be father needing advice.

[radioedit420]

Many of you may be to young to be dealing with having children, but who knows. Anyways, I am 20 years old and like to think of my self as responsible and mature. Joined the Army at 17 while still in school, and have been in a relationship with a girl for a little over a year. Now, after a couple tests and such, she is pregnant and about a month along. I never had a father to really give me a model, and it was my mother, brother and I till I was 16(Proud to be a bastard!) But I was hoping some one who is experienced in this matter might have some advice for keeping my sanity in the coming months and after. Many of my older friends have had great relationships that fell apart during pregnancy and I personally feel haven't been great fathers but, who am I to say anything? (Its not abuse or anything) The last week (since finding out) has been an emotional roller coaster. So any advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[Griphphin]

As someone with no experience in the matter, I can only give you a link to the first google search that looks plausible (don't really know myself though, cross-check anything you read there before acting on it).
http://www.fathermag.com/new-father.shtml
It looks like it covers a lot of issues that I wouldn't have even imagined, so I hope it will be helpful to you.

Congratulations, and good luck

 

[radioedit420]

Thank you for the advice. Running out is not an option for me as it happened to me and I won't let my child grow up without me. I am hoping that this will help me and my fiance grown closer and begin growing together. As for the feelings, all I have right now is fear for the future. Being with the army we are constantly on the move and the other things that go with that life. But you did remind me of something i was told by a friend, that the mother will already have a bond with the child but its actually when you see the baby and hold that it will begin to sink in. again thanks for your time to throw some advice out there.

 

[Rayne870]

Snip

It seems like you have everything you need to be a good father, you are very well composed and put together. The fact that you are going through an "emotional roller coaster" shows that you really are feeling the weight of being a father. It is a lot of responsibility, and at times it will seem to be a daunting and trying task, but you have a genuinely caring personality and a huge capacity to love. Be confident in yourself and you'll be an awesome dad.

And speaking as a military brat, don't worry about being away too much as long as you make the time with your family your priority when you are at home. While you are away or if you need assistance you should be able to get help for your family from the MFRC. Oh and for listen to your mother's advice for sure Mom always knows best.

Congratulations and good luck.

 

[StBishop]

I [...] like to think of my self as responsible and mature. Joined the Army at 17 while still in school, and have been in a relationship with a girl for a little over a year. Now, after a couple tests and such, she is pregnant and about a month along.

I'm sorry but this seems to contradict it's self.

On another note. Well done for not cutting and running.

One thing to keep in mind, although I'm sure you have already realised this, is that you can want to be a good parent all you like, but you need to figure out how you're going to be a good parent.

What's important to you? Being a good role model? Being a friend? Always being available? Providing financially for your family? Teaching them how to do things (fix a car, do multiplication, read and write, how to fish, how to cook etc)? Teaching them right from wrong?

You need to figure out what it is you think makes a good dad, no one else can decide for you.

Also ravensheart18 seems to have a fair bit of good advice.

I am not a father, only an uncle, but from what I've seen of my brother and my sister-in-law, be prepared for things to be hard to deal with, it can be shocking. Just suck it up and think of the first time they call you "dada", or the first time they go to school, or ride a bike, or bring a boy/girl friend home, etc.

Also, write your self a letter explaining why you're in love with your partner to remind yourself of how great things are when you're not stressed and hormonal, and read it when shit hits the fan.

 

[Shuswah_Noir]

I haven't read what the others have written, nor have I had experience in this field.
But, I have watched it happen to those around me.

If you and your girlfriend do not make time during and after pregnancy for yourselves, you will drift apart. A date night once a week, even if you don't go out, will help keep you together. Don't let the baby become the only thing about the relationship.

If you have to move away from your family (or vice versa), don't ***** about having to visit the other family. I recently watched a couple break up because the guy wouldn't go with to visit his girls family, and didn't want her to take the baby.

Keep things in perspective. Stop, take a deep breath, think logically. Don't hesitate to admit when you are in over your head and need help. And never be afraid to ask questions.

 

[Rayne870]

I haven't read what the others have written, nor have I had experience in this field.
But, I have watched it happen to those around me.

If you and your girlfriend do not make time during and after pregnancy for yourselves, you will drift apart. A date night once a week, even if you don't go out, will help keep you together. Don't let the baby become the only thing about the relationship.

If you have to move away from your family (or vice versa), don't ***** about having to visit the other family. I recently watched a couple break up because the guy wouldn't go with to visit his girls family, and didn't want her to take the baby.

Keep things in perspective. Stop, take a deep breath, think logically. Don't hesitate to admit when you are in over your head and need help. And never be afraid to ask questions.

You really nailed it

 

[Shuswah_Noir]

You really nailed it

Thanks ^_^

I only hope if I'm ever in that position that I can take my own advice.

snip

Good luck. I wish you and your girlfriend all the best.

 

[PurplePlatypus]

All I know is it?s going to be a strain on your life and your relationship; it?s going to be difficult. Will it be worth it? I have no idea, that?s up to you and I hope you feel it is when it slaps you in the face.

Just make sure your there to help, are taking up some of the work and try to keep the relationship going when you have a breather. You haven?t been together long and it could easily fall apart.

 

[Colour Scientist]

I don't know if you are living with this girl or not, but if you ever were considering it, do it. You don't want to be there just for the baby, but the baby deserves a father and you deserve time with your baby.

Forget keeping your sanity. You find it again somewhere between 1 and 2 years out.

Divorce rates skyrocket during pregnancy and the first 6-12 months after birth. Be a man and don't run at the first sign of stress - because there will be stress and problems.

but most importantly - 3) you are doing this for your son or daughter!

Running out is not an option for me as it happened to me and I won't let my child grow up without me. I am hoping that this will help me and my fiance grown closer and begin growing together.

From what I've seen this is one of the biggest mistakes people can make. A baby does not necessarily a stronger relationship make, it's not a magic fix.
You and your girlfriend haven't even been together a year and you're still only 20, that's way to young to force yourself to settle down just for a baby, that's why divorce rates are so high.

I think it would be better for you, the mother and, most importantly, the baby if you don't rush into living together or marriage. When you think about it would you rather have grown up without a father or in an unhappy household? You should take your time with the relationship and move in together when the relationship reaches that level, not just because you have a baby, that way the baby is less likely to experience a messy break-up or divorce when you and the mother realise you've made a mistake.

Just because you aren't living with your child doesn't mean that you're abandoning it. If the relationship ends up not working out the split will likely be more amicable for both of you which will make custody easier to decide.