A theory regarding modern shooters.

[Zephirius]

We have all heard the argument that our lovable grizzly short-haired soldier types, who may or may not be British have jam smeared on their face when they get shot.

Considering this trope and considering the fact that the what one might assume are bulletproof vests do nothing to prevent said jam-smearing, I hereby posit that the vests worn by our in every case Anglo-Saxon soldier personae should henceforth be referred to as our jam-vests, which hold our supplies of jam so that it may squirt out when we are shot, both away from us and into our face, forcing us to huddle in a corner while we clean the jam off our face, presumably with our overlong transparent tongues or a hidden third arm, lest we get an overdose of this apparently toxic jam in our faces.

Now that we have our new jam-based health universe, would anyone like to expand on this idea?
Criticism, thoughts?

 

[Outright Villainy]

Well how would too much jam kill you? Maybe you suffocate on it...

 

[Zephirius]

Hyperacidic jam that leaves incapacitating burns? Toxic nerve gas jam that kills you if inhaled in significant enough amounts, perhaps.
Or perhaps simply the bullets that the jam does nothing to protect you from.

 

[SonofaJohannes]

Jam? Jam. I like it. While we're at it, why not give our enemies guns that fire toast?

 

[WanderingFool]

We have all heard the argument that our lovable grizzly short-haired soldier types, who may or may not be British have jam smeared on their face when they get shot.

Considering this trope and considering the fact that the what one might assume are bulletproof vests do nothing to prevent said jam-smearing, I hereby posit that the vests worn by our in every case Anglo-Saxon soldier personae should henceforth be referred to as our jam-vests, which hold our supplies of jam so that it may squirt out when we are shot, both away from us and into our face, forcing us to huddle in a corner while we clean the jam off our face, presumably with our overlong transparent tongues or a hidden third arm, lest we get an overdose of this apparently toxic jam in our faces.

Now that we have our new jam-based health universe, would anyone like to expand on this idea?
Criticism, thoughts?

There is nothing to add... its perfect as is...

 

[Zantos]

Ah, I remember the good old days when everyone had a big red bar to protect them, but once it was gone they had some sort of blackout at the loss of their closest friend Mr. Red Bar. Occasionally they also had Mr. Blue Bar, but he was far less reliable. Probably slept in or something. What a waster.

 

[N3vans]

Hyperacidic jam that leaves incapacitating burns? Toxic nerve gas jam that kills you if inhaled in significant enough amounts, perhaps.
Or perhaps simply the bullets that the jam does nothing to protect you from.

I like to think that the jam itself wouldn't be harmful at all and just regular jam. Instead our tough, grizzled man-children soldier friends are really obsessive-compulsive about getting covered in it and have to clean it off right away lest they be left covered in a sticky residue.

 

[Zacka]

Firing toast? That's like firing paper at scissors. What you need are tactical nukes. Yes you see in the classical game of Jam, Toast, Tactical Nuke, the jam of course beats the toast, and the toast easily disarms a tactical nuke, while the tactical nuke obliterates the jam.

Now a few other pointers... If the jam was acidic the vest would melt, and if the jam was a gas it wouldn't be jam anymore, these two are mutually exclusive. Also the idea that the enemies are firing bullets at you is just preposterous, in that case you would also have blood spurting from you! No what is obviously really happening is that they fire creamed corn at your vests in a desperate attempt to kill you with your own jam! You see, since all the worlds metals were depleted in the great fork casting of '37, everyone has been fighting the British for control of the last few marshmallows.

Over and out.

 

[ChildishLegacy]

Maybe everybody in this world has really bad diabetes and the jam has a lot of sugar in it. This also explains the need for needles (insulin) in games such as brink when you are on the floor after being covered in the jam.