Alright, time for real talk... (NOT ABOUT THE WW)

[Arnoxthe1]

In a sort of commemoration of my 4,000th post here and in light of some deeper issues I've been talking about lately, I've decided to talk to you all about some of the deep seated things of my life. A wall of text is incoming though. Also, please don't read if you don't care. This is for those that do.

-

I've been considering some of the values I hold and how I treat others. If anyone's been paying attention here, they would know that I can be abrasive and somewhat headstrong. Sometimes even downright unsympathetic. At first, I didn't know why I was like this either. But after giving it more thought, it came to me.

The truth, everyone, is that I'm scared. I'm scared of this world. I'm scared of what it can and does do sometimes to others. I'm scared of the darkness inside us. For me personally, I've had a good life so far. I've always had shelter, food, loving parents, good friends, and a steady income of money. But in an instant, the world can pull that all away. In an instant, some sick fuck could decide you look better on his basement floor. And if he gets the drop on you, you're done. That's it. And I'm not even talking about dying. Everyone dies. We're all gonna become dust. No, it's the insane pain and loss that this world can force upon you.

In Black Lagoon, Revy can be an utter sociopath and she is definitely not always right. But at the same time, the world took this girl when she was just a child and had her beaten and raped, just for existing. And the sad thing is, this isn't dramatized nonsense. This stuff can and does happen ALL THE TIME. All around us. People are using their power and agency to take away the power and agency of others. Just because they can. Because that's what the world and the darkness inside them taught them. The nightmarish cycle repeats.

Which brings me back to who I am. I have a belief that due to the way this world is, I have to be tough. I have to be somewhat uncompromising. Because this world has made it crystal clear that it will not show mercy to any of us. We can delude ourselves by thinking we can make safe places for each other, but sooner or later, the world is just going to laugh and stomp it into the ground. We can tell ourselves in the back of our minds that nothing will really happen to us. And that may be how it is. Until something horrible happens to you.

This is what I fear. And this is what I hope dearly to be strong enough to resist. Not only the evil in others but also the evil in myself. It's like a black hole is consuming this earth, and if we're not ready, it will devour us too. Whether by turning you into darkness or by making you suffer deeply and truly in a nightmare that will have no end. It isn't picky.

We all more or less care about what others think of us, but I don't don a BL avatar just because it looks cool. Revy may be a sociopath but she is also an ideal of sorts due to her strength and sheer force of will. Her ability to laugh and face off against even the bleakest situations as if they were nothing. Perhaps that sort of strength comes at a price, but it's strength that I revere and value nonetheless.

And that is why I am what I am. Why I think how I currently think. Maybe I'm not alone in this but I wouldn't be surprised if I am. In any case, thanks for reading all this.

Hopefully one day we can all look forward to a much better tomorrow.

 

[Tanis]

I've been in pain for about two decades.
I've been prescribed 100 or so different medications(combos) that haven't done a damn thing.
I've managed to stay alive though it all.

Life is suffering. There is not point to it all.

If you don't like it, check out, nothing is stopping you.

I choose to stay because I'm more interested in seeing what comes next, plus I think it's kind of cowardly to off yourself.

TL;DR:
Shit happens.
If you're afraid you won't be able to wipe your own ass when it happens to you, buy some diapers?

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

I come from what I think is a unique perspective - my upbringing isn't unique at all, its privileged. I'm a white middle class kid who went to private schools and lived comfortably.

But I have faced more than my fair share of life/death situations, and its changed me. When I was 17 my house was SWATed because I was trying to be a semi-good COD4 player with a social media account. And those officers, professionals they may be, don't fuck around.
When I was 18 I was mugged at gun point, which I think led to my becoming a self defense trainer.
When I was 23 a shovel from a car I was behind flew off, crashed through the windshield and impaled the passenger seat 2 feet from me.
Just last year I was on a road trip with my dad to a Bon Jovi concert, when at 60mph on the highway the right front tire broke off. As in the bolts sheered in half. Dad managed to get us to a stop without flipping, but the fire chief who came by and AA kept telling us we should have died. Even the mechanic couldn't believe we survived.

What I'm saying is that I've come to be...sobered. Few things actually get to me anymore, and I almost think I'm better for it. I've had two separate people hold guns to my head and saw a tire fly past a window; day-to-day traffic or a late pizza doesn't get to me.

And that's the way I see things. Any of us could die to a random accident tomorrow, so why stress the small stuff? Life isn't suffering, life is what you make of it. Surround yourself with people you love, have a hobby, find a new podcast, or don't. Live the life you choose to live, because the Universe is trying to kill you every second and every second you're alive is a victory.

Tomorrow Saelune could trip and break her neck. Or she could decide you know what, fuck it I'm trying that new Indian restaurant that opened down the block.
Basement Cat can walk into a Games Workshop and decided he really likes Dark Eldar. Or he could be killed in a random drive-by shooting.
You Arnoxthe1 could decide you're gonna ask out that cute redhead at the coffee shop, or a plane could crash into your house.
Tomorrow I could decide to post nothing but Marica Hase porn pictures to get banned, or I could get a margarita with my GF or I could die in a car crash.

The point is don't worry about it. A great line from my favorite movie, The 13th Warrior, is "The All-Father wove the skein of your life a long time ago. Go and hide in a hole if you wish, but you won't live one instant longer. Your fate is fixed. Fear profits a man nothing"

Be fearless. Be cautious. Stay alert, stay smart. Have a good time. Do that thing you want to do. You won't regret it. Or worse, you'll regret not doing it.

 

[Trunkage]

Here's how to lose power and control in your life - Blame someone else.

If you decide that the problems of this world is someone else fault or problem, you have relinquished responsibility for them. You have decided that you cannot change anything about the situation.

Be mindful in situations where taking responsibility leads to incorrect thoughts. Taking an extreme example, a person who blames themselves for being raped. Just because you take responsibility doesn't mean it was your fault. Your taking responsibility for making it better.

Lastly, you cant change anyone. You can only change yourself. You are mindful of Revy's power but understand that it has massive drawbacks. You get to choose how you react to situations. I personally chose Trunkage as a tag because that was the least offensive of the myriad of nicknames I had at school. They never broke me, and no one ever will. No matter how hard they try.

All you can do is accept what comes and be the person you want irrelevant of circumstances.

 

[RobertEHouse]

First the idea of peace,safety,justice or equality in the world is a human construct. Its not natural at all, in either the universe or on this planet.

Everything is influx and its only natural for humans to create routines or thoughts to assure us. So its okay to be scared, its just when the emotion dominates a person's thoughts or actions every day which become a problem.

History does repeat itself over and over but standing on a soapbox does not work. People will always , screw with others because it benefits them. This not just a political,corporation or social group problem, but the mindset of people in general when they come together.

What i am getting at is its all natural like it or not, the world is a shade of grey. Nothing is ideal and anyone that says otherwise wears rose color glasses.

 

[Squilookle]

Right well that does go some way to explain your... shall we say 'belligerent' attitude towards so many others on this site, but there's one thing you've forgotten:

Your world view holds true for our world in the time of cavemen, perhaps early settlers at most. Today we have laws that govern what we can and cannot do, and well equipped police forces to enforce them. True this may not stop the truly deranged, but it goes a damn long way in making the rest of society think twice before going off the rails. Generally speaking it has never been safer to be alive in the history of mankind than it is now. Not only that, but should you be injured for any reason, your chances of being rescued and cared back to health are better now than ever before throughout all time. Sure, you're growing up in the U.S. which is about the most unsafe Western nation in the world to grow up in (not that that's your fault or anything) but statistically you are still extremely safe. Relax, take a moment to recognise all the legal and healthcare protection you live under, and be nice to others. After all, they're just trying to survive the same world as the rest of us

 

[McElroy]

Well, you played yourself, Arnoxthe1. Nobody's going to make that call-out thread about you now.

I can't say I share your worldview. Yeah, it's dog-eat-dog at times out there, but I'm hopeful that at least I can navigate through most of that crap. I acknowledge it's a privilege to be able to do so, but y'know, whatever works for numba one.

I just fear that my loneliness destroys me and I lose my mind. In that order or the reverse, I dunno.

 

[Zykon TheLich_v1legacy]

Most of the people I've known who have had a really shitty time of it, ended up pretty hardened and spiky and I can see why, but it's not a great existence. Being that way on the off chance that something shit might happen seems like a bit of a waste to me. Kind of like those fuckers living in a bunker on tins of beans because the apocalypse is coming any day now, for the past 60 years or so.
Still,changing the way you think is not something that happens easily, even if you want to. Maybe give it a go though.

 

[Tsun Tzu]

I figure that, as a matter of course, if you don't consider veering into oncoming traffic at least once a day then you're not really thinking about life enough.

But hey, life's interesting. Plenty to see and do.

Plenty of weeb shit to watch and buy. Plenty of fellow human beings to rub your bits against or, failing that, plenty of objects. And we, I assume, haven't had our heads chopped off and paraded around on the hollowed out husk of some warlord's Chevy Nova.

So it could be worse, eh?

 

[Arnoxthe1]

I've been in pain for about two decades.
I've been prescribed 100 or so different medications(combos) that haven't done a damn thing.
I've managed to stay alive though it all.

Life is suffering. There is not point to it all.

But the problem with this, for me, is that the do-what-you-want-because-it-doesn't-matter philosophy can easily turn into a the-weak-are-meat philosophy. It encourages that darkness to make you a part of it. That non-caring, it gives you strength but it doesn't take long before you become numb. You may be able to wade in this darkness now easily, but it's enacted a heavy toll in the process, making you numb to good things as well.

Nevertheless, there is a part of me that wants that strength anyway. To be totally independent and made of steel. I have actually considered self-harm, not because I wanted to punish myself or feel anything, but just so I could develop a resistance to pain. It's a heavy temptation for me sometimes. It's like I have darkness in front of me, but a demoness is behind as well, telling me to come to her and that she has all the answers. That I should take as much control as possible. To put as many internal walls up as possible.

And it even goes beyond me. Other times, I feel I have to be strong for others. To be a person that can take the hits for them. And if I'm not, people will suffer.

I come from what I think is a unique perspective - my upbringing isn't unique at all, its privileged. I'm a white middle class kid who went to private schools and lived comfortably.

But I have faced more than my fair share of life/death situations, and its changed me. When I was 17 my house was SWATed because I was trying to be a semi-good COD4 player with a social media account. And those officers, professionals they may be, don't fuck around.
When I was 18 I was mugged at gun point, which I think led to my becoming a self defense trainer.
When I was 23 a shovel from a car I was behind flew off, crashed through the windshield and impaled the passenger seat 2 feet from me.
Just last year I was on a road trip with my dad to a Bon Jovi concert, when at 60mph on the highway the right front tire broke off. As in the bolts sheered in half. Dad managed to get us to a stop without flipping, but the fire chief who came by and AA kept telling us we should have died. Even the mechanic couldn't believe we survived.

What I'm saying is that I've come to be...sobered. Few things actually get to me anymore, and I almost think I'm better for it. I've had two separate people hold guns to my head and saw a tire fly past a window; day-to-day traffic or a late pizza doesn't get to me.

And that's the way I see things. Any of us could die to a random accident tomorrow, so why stress the small stuff? Life isn't suffering, life is what you make of it. Surround yourself with people you love, have a hobby, find a new podcast, or don't. Live the life you choose to live, because the Universe is trying to kill you every second and every second you're alive is a victory.

Tomorrow Saelune could trip and break her neck. Or she could decide you know what, fuck it I'm trying that new Indian restaurant that opened down the block.
Basement Cat can walk into a Games Workshop and decided he really likes Dark Eldar. Or he could be killed in a random drive-by shooting.
You Arnoxthe1 could decide you're gonna ask out that cute redhead at the coffee shop, or a plane could crash into your house.
Tomorrow I could decide to post nothing but Marica Hase porn pictures to get banned, or I could get a margarita with my GF or I could die in a car crash.

The point is don't worry about it. A great line from my favorite movie, The 13th Warrior, is "The All-Father wove the skein of your life a long time ago. Go and hide in a hole if you wish, but you won't live one instant longer. Your fate is fixed. Fear profits a man nothing"

Be fearless. Be cautious. Stay alert, stay smart. Have a good time. Do that thing you want to do. You won't regret it. Or worse, you'll regret not doing it.

Right well that does go some way to explain your... shall we say 'belligerent' attitude towards so many others on this site, but there's one thing you've forgotten:

Your world view holds true for our world in the time of cavemen, perhaps early settlers at most. Today we have laws that govern what we can and cannot do, and well equipped police forces to enforce them. True this may not stop the truly deranged, but it goes a damn long way in making the rest of society think twice before going off the rails. Generally speaking it has never been safer to be alive in the history of mankind than it is now. Not only that, but should you be injured for any reason, your chances of being rescued and cared back to health are better now than ever before throughout all time. Sure, you're growing up in the U.S. which is about the most unsafe Western nation in the world to grow up in (not that that's your fault or anything) but statistically you are still extremely safe. Relax, take a moment to recognise all the legal and healthcare protection you live under, and be nice to others. After all, they're just trying to survive the same world as the rest of us

We're living in a pretty privileged time in terms of the US. I know that for sure. But at the same time, dying was never really a worry for me.

Well, you played yourself, Arnoxthe1. Nobody's going to make that call-out thread about you now.

Oh? Why's that?

I just fear that my loneliness destroys me and I lose my mind. In that order or the reverse, I dunno.

You need to break that chain. Find the weakest link that will be easiest for you then slam down on it until the cycle breaks. I know there's been times where I didn't want to leave the house at all. But...

I figure that, as a matter of course, if you don't consider veering into oncoming traffic at least once a day then you're not really thinking about life enough.

But hey, life's interesting. Plenty to see and do.

Plenty of weeb shit to watch and buy. Plenty of fellow human beings to rub your bits against or, failing that, plenty of objects. And we, I assume, haven't had our heads chopped off and paraded around on the hollowed out husk of some warlord's Chevy Nova.

So it could be worse, eh?

Life's very interesting. As Squilookle put it, we're probably in the funnest time ever. But that's the thing. It just makes the darkness stand out even more by sheer contrast. Like an ugly blotch of cancer that keeps spreading.

Most of the people I've known who have had a really shitty time of it, ended up pretty hardened and spiky and I can see why, but it's not a great existence. Being that way on the off chance that something shit might happen seems like a bit of a waste to me. Kind of like those fuckers living in a bunker on tins of beans because the apocalypse is coming any day now, for the past 60 years or so.
Still,changing the way you think is not something that happens easily, even if you want to. Maybe give it a go though.

This is probably the answer I need to accept but... At the same time, I definitely am not going to deprive myself of living life totally. Or at least, that's what I tell myself.

 

[McElroy]

Well, you played yourself, Arnoxthe1. Nobody's going to make that call-out thread about you now.

Oh? Why's that?

You've made two threads about your weird/odd traits. The only thing anybody can call you out on is lying... for which I see little reason.

I just fear that my loneliness destroys me and I lose my mind. In that order or the reverse, I dunno.

You need to break that chain. Find the weakest link that will be easiest for you then slam down on it until the cycle breaks. I know there's been times where I didn't want to leave the house at all.

Hmm, now that I think about it, I used to make new friends easily but not anymore. I'd like to think there are complex reasons why, but it's likely just me overthinking it all. I probably obsess over women too much. Rejection does change you for the worse, to be honest.

 

[stroopwafel]

Chances of being killed by violence or terrorism is so small it's pretty much statistically negligible(provided you don't live in Afghanistan, Jemen, Syria, Iraq, Mexico, Venezuela or what have you). What people worry about is usually not what gets them killed. Like for example the media coverages crime and terrorism extensively but the most likely cause of death for most people is either heart disease, cancer or old age(distantly followed by traffic accidents). The most common 'non natural' cause of death is actually..people themselves. Or rather, the downward spiral they put themselves on through stress, depression, substance abuse and(in some cases) eventually suicide. In fact, suicide is so common that in some age groups(I believe adolescence, old age and a specific spike in midlife) it is the leading cause of death.

Life is fragile indeed and little is needed to put us out of existence(or worse) but most likely you will be fine. Don't worry about things that will most likely never happen but instead accept the frailty of life to be thankful for every day you're alive in the first place. Not for money, not for sex, not for fame; but just to breathe the air and see the sky. And play some cool videogames. Sooooo many people dwell on shit and in the end it's pointless anyway. Let go of worry, regret or anger. In buddhism there is this saying that ''suffering comes from attachments'' and while it's ofcourse impossible to live without attachments(atleast for most mortals) you can learn to minimize the effect they have on your wellbeing. It makes it easier to accept life often doesn't go the way you want without getting stressed or depressed by it.