Am I overreacting?

[Jessabi]

Hi guys,

So basically it was recently my nephew's 11th birthday and I was browsing the pictures my sister posted on Facebook of him opening his presents that morning. He's really into gaming at the moment, so he was gifted with a couple for his Xbox 360. One of the choices?

Grand Theft Auto V. A couple of things sprung to mind when I saw my nephew holding the box - namely the torture segment which you have actively play through in the single player campaign and the lap dance minigame. And of course, the usual content you would expect from a Grand Theft Auto title. I found myself feeling very troubled at the idea of him playing it.

I expressed my concern to my sister who in turn gave the whole "I know exactly what's in the game and I'm happy for him to play it, all his friends are playing". For one thing, I highly doubt my sister knows much about the content. Just last year she was asking my boyfriend about GTA:IV because my nephew wanted that one, and he advised her that it was probably unsuitable for a 10 year old (which he was at that time). The fact that she wasn't aware of the sort of content that's in a well known franchise like Grand Theft Auto then doesn't inspire me with confidence that she knows more now.

Also, just because his friends are playing it shouldn't make it ok. You shouldn't be afraid to be the "bad guy" parent just because it will make you unpopular for a few days. But at the same time I know what it's like to want to join in on things with your friends and the likelihood is that he's begged her for the game simply because his friends have it.

So am I overreacting? I probably wouldn't have batted an eye if he was mid teens (depending on his mental maturity), but ELEVEN? It just seems so young for a game like that. At the end of the day, she's his mother and (apparently) knows what's best but I couldn't see myself giving a child of mine a game I know is full of strong adult content when they're not even a teenager yet.

(I'd like to point out that I'm in no way bashing GTA:V. Both me and my boyfriend have played it extensively and enjoyed it a lot - but we're both 21. It's an 18 certification (in the UK) for a very good reason in my opinion)

TLDR: My sister bought my 11 year old nephew GTA:V for his birthday and I think it's unsuitable for someone that young. Thoughts?

 

[dyre]

This could either be a responsible parent who trusts a clearly mature 11 year old to play a "mature" game, or an irresponsible parent who hasn't done her due diligence on the matter.

I guess the question is, how well do you know this kid, and how well do you his mom (your sister)?

 

[Pink Gregory]

I wouldn't say thinking that it's unsuitable is an overreaction.

They probably won't totally understand what's going on anyway.

 

[krazykidd]

Overreacting yes, because you expressed your concern and still feel concerned. Not your kid,not your problem.

10$ says that you're nephew plays the game, enjoys it and DOES NOT go on a murder spree ( which i think you are implying may happen).

 

[The Madman]

You were perfectly in the right. It's good to show concern about others, and I'd agree with you that an 11 year old shouldn't be playing that sort of game. NOT because I think it will drive the children mad and make them going on killing sprees, as one person in this topic so subtly implies, but because I just don't believe that children should be exposed to that sort of content at an age where they simply wont understand the proper implications of what's happening.

It's called basic parenting or, in your case, a good dose of empathy and concern. Good for you, keep it up!

 

[Tuesday Night Fever]

Personally speaking, I don't think you're overreacting. You have a legitimate concern, and you addressed it in a civil manner. There's nothing wrong with it bothering you, as long as you continue to love and accept them even if you don't necessarily agree with them. At the end of the day it's not your child, and if the kid's parents think that he is mature enough to handle it, that's their decision.

If you want to know what overreacting looks like, you should speak to my aunt Kathy. She's my dad's older sister. She's militantly anti-videogames. She firmly believes that they are legitimately corrupting the world's youth, and any child who plays a violent game should be immediately put under some kind of psychiatric care. Her hatred of videogames directly lead to her cutting off more or less all contact with my dad, because she thought that he was training me to be a serial killer by allowing me to purchase and play violent games. I only know about this because my parents told me about it. I've only met my aunt Kathy maybe twice in my entire life, and both times were when I was of elementary school age. I never saw her after that because she was afraid to be in the same room as me. Notably, despite the massive number of violent games I've played and violent movies I've watched (many of which long before I was old enough to meet the ratings requirement), I've never once been in trouble for violence. I've never once been involved in a fight, I've never once had any run-ins with the law (not even a speeding or parking ticket), and I've never even known anyone I've been on bad terms with (other than my aunt Kathy, apparently).

THAT is an overreaction. Don't be that kind of person.

 

[Casual Shinji]

No you're not.

You simply adressed something that legitimately worried you and thought your sister might not have been aware of.

If I had a family member of that age I wouldn't want them to play GTA5 either... I'd just give 'm The Last of Us.

 

[omega 616]

It really depends on the kid, I mean a mature kid could be ok with everything but a brat or reserved kid might take it wrongly.

Have to think of some of the things in that game, Trevor's intro is a bit on the "oh wow" side of things, heavy drug references but I don't know how much will really be understood by an 11 year old. Will "tripping out" from drugs be properly understood by him or will it just be funny to see psychedelic colours and shoot clowns?

 

[Scarim Coral]

No you're not, that is what the age rating are for. I mean I got an uncle who pretty much follow the age rating on game and film toward my cousins (they pretty much missed out on Metal Gear Solid).

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

but because I just don't believe that children should be exposed to that sort of content at an age where they simply wont understand the proper implications of what's happening.

hah oh you're in for a thunder punch to the face if you think that video games are the most likely source to be exposed to stuff/content when you're young...

You can't police the world, many parents fail to see this, kids interact every single day with hundreds of people at school, they are bound to pick up horrifying things everywhere. I remember the first nudie magazine getting passed around in 4th grade, I remember getting to play resident evil at a friends at age 5, I remember when the middle school kids tried selling my friends and I cigarettes when we were in 5th grade, I remember seeing south park the movie in 4th grade, etc...

my point is, being the "bad guy" in the situation just makes your child despise you and then chooses to always use ulterior methods to acquire said things instead, school is the black market of getting access to things, don't be naive in thinking that denying them this game here and now is going to prevent little timmy from being exposed to this stuff anyways.

OT: Depends on the childs maturity mostly, if you know the kid pretty well and don't think they can handle it, then perhaps play the game with them and check up on em from time to time, or ask the mom to do as such so they can experience it too.

 

[The Madman]

You can't police the world, many parents fail to see this, kids interact every single day with hundreds of people at school, they are bound to pick up horrifying things everywhere.

Believe it or not I know that. Contrary to popular rumour I am not in fact a 98 year old man living in a tiny isolated concrete cell whose only exposure to the outside world is exclusively through The Escapist forums for some ridiculous reason.

I was young too once, it wasn't even that long ago really. I definitely don't feel grown up, that's for damned sure.

But I'll also be damned if I'm going to be deliberately exposing kids to the kinds of shit you see in GTA. Yeah they're probably going to find this stuff out eventually on their own, but shit, that's part of growing up. When however your home life consists of coming home from school to scream and call people names of Call of Duty or to shoot and torture people in GTA... I'm sorry, but that's messed up. And given the choice I don't want to be the sort of parent that allows my kids to become like that just because I'm worried they'll be resentful I didn't buy the latest and greatest vidya game for them.

If they're smart kids then they'll grow up and understand later in life. If they don't... well then I doubt giving them that sort of stuff would have made things any better anyway. Meanwhile you've clearly never had to work with children before if you think playing those sorts of games regularly doesn't have some effect on them. Hint: I have. The word 'obnoxious' works well in describing those sorts of children more often than not.

Besides not like there aren't tons of excellent and more age appropriate stuff out there for them to play anyway. I don't agree that 'because they probably will anyway' is a good argument for letting kids do or have whatever they want.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

You can't police the world, many parents fail to see this, kids interact every single day with hundreds of people at school, they are bound to pick up horrifying things everywhere.

Believe it or not I know that. Contrary to popular rumour I am not in fact a 98 year old man living in a tiny isolated concrete cell whose only exposure to the outside world is exclusively through The Escapist forums for some ridiculous reason.

I was young too once, it wasn't even that long ago really. I definitely don't feel grown up, that's for damned sure.

well that's something we can agree on, I don't either sometimes.

But I'll also be damned if I'm going to be deliberately exposing kids to the kinds of shit you see in GTA. Yeah they're probably going to find this stuff out eventually on their own, but shit, that's part of growing up. When however your home life consists of coming home from school to scream and call people names of Call of Duty or to shoot and torture people in GTA... I'm sorry, but that's messed up. And given the choice I don't want to be the sort of parent that allows my kids to become like that just because I'm worried they'll be resentful I didn't buy the latest and greatest vidya game for them.

eventually is more along the lines of the next day or in the next week, if your child is that diligent about something then perhaps you should consider experiencing it with them so you are there and can see their reaction. Conkers bad fur day was one of my favorite games growing up as a child, but being violent is quite possibly the worst way to describe me as a person

child playing this game =/= them "becoming like that", that correlation is quite often wrong, if a child has previous mental problems then yes, playing these games might have an adverse effect on them, but don't judge the many by the actions of a few lunatic children who get access to "mature vidya duty craft #5 extra bloody edition" while the majority don't act like that.

If they're smart kids

as mentioned, they'll get it through a friend or someone else quite quickly, whether it's a video game/tv show/movie/porn/etc... school is like a black market for kids on acquiring things.

then they'll grow up and understand later in life. If they don't... well then I doubt giving them that sort of stuff would have made things any better anyway. Meanwhile you've clearly never had to work with children before if you think playing those sorts of games regularly doesn't have some effect on them. Hint: I have. The word 'obnoxious' works well in describing those sorts of children more often than not.

that is incredible speculation and quite condescending. Not only am I the oldest of all my siblings and cousins (a.k.a. the go to babysitter in any situation) I've had 2 official jobs that revolved around molding children for a total of 2-1/2 years on top of that. The video game doesn't make the child obnoxious, they were obnoxious with or without it, usually in fault to the parents.

Besides not like there aren't tons of excellent and more age appropriate stuff out there for them to play anyway. I don't agree that 'because they probably will anyway' is a good argument for letting kids do or have whatever they want.

there are definitely plenty of age appropriate stuff out there, I agree, and I'm not telling people to go force feeding their children any and everything mature, I'm simply saying when "the time comes" perhaps it's better to size your child up based on their maturity rather than by their age, and it can be a good bonding experience introducing them into some of the more mature things in life.

 

[Maximum Bert]

I don't see any problems with that. It is just a bloody game, I played Postal 2 at that age.

Yes, the I smoke 100 cigarettes a day and I'm still fine argument. Not a very convincing point. It would be possible for Social care to just get involved because of the sexual/nudity content the game contains as it's considered inappropriate believe it or not.

Well cigarettes are proven to damage your health nowadays they should have kept em like they were back in the old days when they were good for you. Inappropriate content (as pertaining to films and games) is much harder to judge. In the eyes of the law GTAV contains inappropriate content for anyone under 18 (UK) and so if you are 17 and 364 days old you shouldnt play it as the content is inappropriate but really its not a huge deal your house isnt going to be raided because you let someone under 18 watch or play an 18 rated film/game.

Dont think the OP is over reacting but there is not much they can do (without making a huge thing over it) and in the long run I dont think any harm will be done its pretty cartoony stuff anyway I suppose they might pick up some bad language from it but then they probably know a fair bit anyway by now. Its up to the parent to judge but they should really know what they are letting their children play and see to an extent especially in cases like this but then it depends on how easy going they are and how they want to bring up their children I suppose.

 

[Agayek]

TLDR: My sister bought my 11 year old nephew GTA:V for his birthday and I think it's unsuitable for someone that young. Thoughts?

No, you definitely are not overreacting. It's a perfectly valid reaction to seeing that, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with being concerned.

It's not even much of an overreaction to continue to be upset that your sister essentially ignored your concerns. From what you've said, she's basically working on "it's fine for his friends, so it's fine for him too" logic, likely along with a healthy dose of wanting to please her son. Personally, I think she's crazy, but some people are like that.

That said, there's not really a whole lot you can actually do about it. You've voiced your concerns to your sister and she seems to have blown you off, and there's really not a whole of other options available. The only one I can think of is to find a video of the torture scene or whatever else that sticks out as excessively inappropriate, make your sister watch it, then ask whether or not she still wants her son playing it. And if she says it's alright, then yeah, there's really nothing else you can do about it. She's made an informed choice and you don't really have any more say after that.

 

[DEAD34345]

I wouldn't say it's an overreaction to be concerned, and to talk to the parent about it. To take it any further than that might be an overreaction, though. If the parent says she knows what the game is about and believes her child has the right attitude to play it without any problems, well, she probably knows best.

Personally, I have no trouble believing an 11 year old could play Grand Theft Auto without any issues. Kids are young and inexperienced, but they're not necessarily stupid. Most can differentiate between reality and fiction, and most fully understand that things that are OK in games/TV/books are 100% not OK in real life.

 

[Kuilui]

Pfffft. I played Resident Evil when I was like 7 or 8 among a lot of other games like it. This was the uncut version to so yeah I saw the opening scene where the guy gets torn apart and all that, didn't even bother me really. Not because I was a psychopath but because I was a kid I didn't really process what I was seeing like someone older may. I watched all kinds of horror movies as well with my family and again nothing. Maybe I'm abnormal for none of it really bothering me profoundly or maybe I just realized it was just games and movies and I had more important things on my mind like soccer and playing with my friends lol.

Long story short, don't worry about it the kid will see that scene and forget about it as quick as he saw it most likely.

 

[Nokturos]

I played San Andreas when I was 11 and I turned out perfectly --KILL OLD WOMEN WITH BASEBALL BATS!-- normal and well adjusted.