An alien has landed on your backyard......

[TheOneBearded]

This is an easy one. Let's pretend that an alien has landed on your backyard and doesn't want to kill you. In return for your life, the alien (which you will name, mine is Goku) asks you to give him some advice so that he can blend in with the human race. He wants at least three helpful hints or he will blast your face off. What are your pieces of advice?

Mine are:

Beware the Nigerian Prince.
Money is green. Paper is white. Money good. Paper bad.
See those people with that shiny thing on their chest and metal thing on their hip? Yeah, don't mess with them.

(Assume that he/she knows how to eat, take a crap, pee, etc)

 

[ace_of_something]

I assume her name is Penelope

I tell her to watch the X-Files
"don't touch people in this area unless you want attacked" (point to my crotch, butt, and chest)
Cats are awesome, be nice to them.

 

[Death Carr]

Name: Gordon

1: Area 51 = your goal
2: Cars = Transport
3: Laws = made to be broken

*insert trollface.jpg*

 

[lacktheknack]

Oh hi, Bob.

Avoid attention by loosely copying what other people are doing.
Generally, if something is not yours, don't take it.
And don't threaten to blast people in the face. They won't take kindly to that at all.

 

[])rStrangelove]

I'd tell Harold...

1. Use local radio frequencies to arrange meetings with all politicians on this planet
2. Tell every politician for 100.000 (local currency) you can make sure he's winning the next elections. Then take his cash, take him into your ship, leave him on the moon and come back for the next.
3. Leave all cash in my backyard

 

[Nouw]

I'll tell Vic to avoid 1.Hangar 18, 2.Join the Dawn Patrol, 3.beware the Tornado of Souls and if you're feeling lucky, 4.Return to Hangar.

 

[Angry Camel]

Gerald:
1) Live well beyond your means and complain about not having money. This is important.
2) Keep the blaster hidden. People in Australia don't react well to firearms.
3) Get back to your own planet ASAP. Just do it.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

Get lots of money
to buy expensive possessions
Don't discuss religion or politics

 

[putowtin]

Crawford Waldorf-Smithe the Third?
He's returned to earth?
After I warned him of the appalling things we do to one another here?
I Say!

 

[ShindoL Shill]

assume his name is Gordon

tell him to hit anyone in blue with a crowbar until they fall over *give crowbar* and take their guns *show human gun*
tell him to head to the White House *give GPS, car keys* and kill the president
tell him how to rob a gas station for fuel and money

 

[Swny Nerdgasm]

I'd name him soon to be dead alien

then shoot him and sell him to the government

 

[MintberryCrunch]

Well, hey there Cryptosporidium 137.
Head over to this place *gives map to Area 51*, tell them to make the check out in Pounds Sterling please. Oh, and give them this address. *gives own address*

This is assuming the FBI don't think I was harboring a fugitive alien like they always seem to in the movies.

 

[Christopher Dudgeon]

The alien that lands in my Back yard is called Rick and the first thing I would do is give him the keys to my place and say have a nice life.

Then nick his ship and get the hell off of this world!

 

[Grouchy Imp_v1legacy]

Spoiler: No one's posted this yet?

Ok, I'd tell 'Prot':
1) Don't take our religions seriously.
2) Don't take our politics seriously.
3) Everything you will find on the Internet will be a lie. Or porn.

And a bonus one:
4) Get out while you still can!

 

[Scarim Coral]

Name Bebo
Advice-
1 You need money, lots of money but not too many to the point of greed.
2 Mind your own business toward other people if you don't want the attention.
3 Wikipedia is gonna be your best friend for more information on this planet.

 

[TheTim]

1) Get a damn car
2) Get some damn Clothes
3) Eat some damn McDonalds

his name shall be JIM!

 

[Lord Legion]

)rStrangelove]I'd tell Harold...

1. Use local radio frequencies to arrange meetings with all politicians on this planet
2. Tell every politician for 100.000 (local currency) you can make sure he's winning the next elections. Then take his cash, take him into your ship, leave him on the moon and come back for the next.
3. Leave all cash in my backyard

GENIUS!!! Not only have you ushered in a new age of inter-galactic diplomacy, but you have also fixed sooo many of our world's problems.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Or he will blast my face off?

I was going to ask if this alien is sexxay and open to inter-species goings on, but if killing me is an option, hell with that.

I'm going out of my way to get it-

Hmm...dunno how the law works in those cases, do I have it disected or arrested?

 

[kittii-chan 300]

I'd name her "K.E.W.L" (kills. everyone. with. laser).

Spoiler: K.E.W.L looks like this

I regret typing "Anime Alien" into google...

1)*hand her a grenade* people will respect you if you have one of these.

2)To get food, walk into shops and pull out the pin at the top.

3)If you encounter people in blue, pull out the pin at the top.

 

[SAMURAJ]

"In return for your life",how can he return somthing that i didn't have in the first place!!!

I probably eat it !!!