An Experience that I Would Like to Hear Opinions of

[NateA42]

Opinions or reactions or advice would be appreciated:

Interesting. I've always been a very tolerant person but I did find it mildly annoying when one time at my job (when I was on break) a customer beckoned me over so I said "Yes, Sir?" and they said "Excuse me but I am no man" so I, feeling genuinely ashamed said "Sorry, ma'am I do you need anyth-" "I'll get you manager if you bring this up again, us the word 'They'" so I just replied "sorry but I can't help right now I'm on break, my manager is in the back, ask for him if you need him" and walked away.
Now this has genuinely troubled me ever since but, I have a close friend who is transgender and he flat out said "if you're going to be that hostile and not willing to explain then wear a damn badge".
Now I always have to wonder if that person was immediately hostile towards me because of the harassment they grew up with and it was an innate reaction to perceived bigotry.

Also my family all have masters/PhDs in psychology and/or social work and none of them have ever hear of somebody referring to themselves as "they" before but I guess that is not my place to question.

 

[Queen Michael]

Honestly, I agree. There's no point in being that hostile. Most peopleborn as biological males identify as male. The same thing goes for dudettes. While it might have been a joke, your friend is right. That person should wear a badge. That's way better than getting mad at people for not being Jean Grey,

And I like the use of "they" as a gender-neutral pronoun. It's a pre-existing word. Way better than xe, zhe, ey and all those new personalized pronouns. No offense, but if everybody gets their own unique pronoun then there's no point to pronouns. It defeats the purpose.

 

[FalloutJack]

Any person who refers to oneself as a plural term has either failed english or failed a sanity check. Anyone trying to convey the presence or needs of someone who would use this term to anyone else would only confuse others, as it is one person, not many. Transgender people, I have nothing against you, but you cannot pick on people for not knowing if it's not obvious, and you absolutely MUST pick an acceptable term to refer to yourselves. You're not a They unless you're a Sybil or some other Royal We.

Nate, some people are just short-tempered idiots and your manager couldn't blame you for their problems.

 

[Elfgore]

"They"? Jesus fuck are they a collaboration of minds working in unison to make a single body work? Must be why he/she/it is such an asshole

Yeah, bra. You were not in the wrong at all. If I don't know you and you look, talk, and dress like a guy... I'm gonna call you sir. As long as you don't get pissed off and explain that you're a girl, I'll apologize and refer to you as such. I remember we once had a customer, who was physically male, walk into the store I worked at in drag and make-up. I was hoping the entire time that person didn't ask me for something, because I had no clue what to identify them as and didn't want a situation like this to occur.

 

[Smooth Operator]

I'm surprised you didn't come across this before, but it's probably best to get ready for when it happens again.
Some people just go through life pissed at everything, their default interaction is always hostile, which is quite the problem when your job forces you to appease their nonsense.
It is probably best to ask your manager what the process is for these situations and establish beforehand that you might call him/her to mediate with customers like that, that way you have an understanding that you are genuinely trying to resolve a difficult situation and you don't end up the one under fire from two parties (possibly get fired).

 

[San Martin]

Are you sure they weren't a group of mischievious children, standing on each other's shoulders beneath an overcoat and pretending to be an adult? In such a case I believe the pronoun 'they' would be appropriate, although their insisting on its use might give the game away.

 

[Twintix]

I'll never understand the idea behind being so rude to people who are simply mistaken. Like, if you look like a man, is it really so wrong of people to assume that you are one? Why wouldn't you just explain to someone that they're wrong instead of being hostile towards them?

It's like all those (Probably fake) stories you read on Not Always Right or any of the sister sites; Don't be so offended when people are just mistaken. Not everybody who assumes things do so out of malice or spite. Not everybody are out to get you.

I don't think you did anything wrong, OP. I can somewhat understand the irritation that person must have felt, but it's absolutely no excuse for treating you the way they did.

 

[Verlander]

A customer is a customer, before anything else. Therefore, they're a ****. You sound like you did well, leave it and forget it. Customers will always use intimidating language and aggression to get a privilege. Shrug and walk away.

 

[Kae]

Quite an annoying person I'd say, I don't really think of myself as either gender so I respond to whatever without being hostile, of course since I'm a guy I am more likely to respond to that but it doesn't bother me if someone calls me something else.

 

[dangoball]

As other have said: you did nothing wrong, some people are just mean.
You might try calling customers of unspecified gender "dear customer", like the one in Elfgore's story, but it does sound kind of clunky ("May I be of service, dear customer?" eh...). But when you find a dude in a leather jacket with a mohawk on his head and he suddenly demands to be called "they", well, you just met an example of humanity's best. Tough luck.

 

[VanQ]

"They"? Jesus fuck are they a collaboration of minds working in unison to make a single body work? Must be why he/she/it is such an asshole

Ever heard of headmates? As in "roommates" but in your head? I'm currently sharing my headspace with Jesus, Anita Sarkeesian, Antares of the Scorpius cluster and a Machamp. And Anita keeps complaining about Machamp's toxic masculinity.

Joking aside, I think he just sounds like an asshole. If you identify as something that people can't immediately figure out through site then you shouldn't be surprised if a stranger uses the wrong pronoun. The human race hasn't developed psychokinetic or mind reading powers just yet. All he's gonna acheive in the end is make it harder for others to want to empathize with and understand "them."

Alternatively, I am so paranoid that I might run into an angry Tumblrina these days that I avoid using gendered words and pronouns around strangers when possible. Drop the "sir" and just say "Excuse me, can I help you."

EDIT: It just occured to me that it's entirely possible that this person wasn't trans like everyone is assuming. It is entirely possible that this person believes they're part of a multiple system like what I joked about in my first paragraph.

 

[zumbledum]

Opinions or reactions or advice would be appreciated:

Interesting. I've always been a very tolerant person but I did find it mildly annoying when one time at my job (when I was on break) a customer beckoned me over so I said "Yes, Sir?" and they said "Excuse me but I am no man" so I, feeling genuinely ashamed said "Sorry, ma'am I do you need anyth-" "I'll get you manager if you bring this up again, us the word 'They'" so I just replied "sorry but I can't help right now I'm on break, my manager is in the back, ask for him if you need him" and walked away.
Now this has genuinely troubled me ever since but, I have a close friend who is transgender and he flat out said "if you're going to be that hostile and not willing to explain then wear a damn badge".
Now I always have to wonder if that person was immediately hostile towards me because of the harassment they grew up with and it was an innate reaction to perceived bigotry.

Also my family all have masters/PhDs in psychology and/or social work and none of them have ever hear of somebody referring to themselves as "they" before but I guess that is not my place to question.

you met what i refer to as an asshole , im shocked you got to work age without it happening before, id file it under NMFP (not my fucking problem) and not waste a lot more time on them

 

[Rosiv]

Opinions or reactions or advice would be appreciated:

Interesting. I've always been a very tolerant person but I did find it mildly annoying when one time at my job (when I was on break) a customer beckoned me over so I said "Yes, Sir?" and they said "Excuse me but I am no man" so I, feeling genuinely ashamed said "Sorry, ma'am I do you need anyth-" "I'll get you manager if you bring this up again, us the word 'They'" so I just replied "sorry but I can't help right now I'm on break, my manager is in the back, ask for him if you need him" and walked away.
Now this has genuinely troubled me ever since but, I have a close friend who is transgender and he flat out said "if you're going to be that hostile and not willing to explain then wear a damn badge".
Now I always have to wonder if that person was immediately hostile towards me because of the harassment they grew up with and it was an innate reaction to perceived bigotry.

Also my family all have masters/PhDs in psychology and/or social work and none of them have ever hear of somebody referring to themselves as "they" before but I guess that is not my place to question.

Could of been a trans person with one too many bad expeirences or as others said, an asshole, who's to reallly say though. I try and avoid using gendered words though in general.

 

[Silvanus]

Any person who refers to oneself as a plural term has either failed english or failed a sanity check.

"They"? Jesus fuck are they a collaboration of minds working in unison to make a single body work?

Using "they" as a singular pronoun is a pretty common thing, even when its not referring to a trans person; I was quite surprised to see people here thinking it's so mad. It's generally used when the speaker doesn't know the gender of the object. Dictionary.com [http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/they] has a note on this usage, and according to the Oxford dictionary [http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/words/he-or-she-versus-they], it dates back to the 1700s. I use it frequently.

 

[Phasmal]

I've heard of people being worried this would happen but I've never heard of it actually happening.
But still, is it a big deal?
You met a rude customer. I'm sure that's not rare.
It could be a reaction to perceived bigotry, it could be that they've been harassed before, or it could be that they were just in a bad mood that day.

Any person who refers to oneself as a plural term has either failed english or failed a sanity check.

"They"? Jesus fuck are they a collaboration of minds working in unison to make a single body work?

Using "they" as a singular pronoun is a pretty common thing, even when its not referring to a trans person; I was quite surprised to see people here thinking it's so mad. It's generally used when the speaker doesn't know the gender of the object. Dictionary.com [http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/they] has a note on this usage, and according to the Oxford dictionary [http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/words/he-or-she-versus-they], it dates back to the 1700s. I use it frequently.

Yes, also this. I use 'they' all the time. I'm a bit confused as to why it's seen as meaning multiple people. It's very common to hear things like `There's someone on the phone and they want to speak to you`- and no one thinks you mean multiple people.

 

[happyninja42]

I've heard of people being worried this would happen but I've never heard of it actually happening.
But still, is it a big deal?
You met a rude customer. I'm sure that's not rare.
It could be a reaction to perceived bigotry, it could be that they've been harassed before, or it could be that they were just in a bad mood that day.

Any person who refers to oneself as a plural term has either failed english or failed a sanity check.

"They"? Jesus fuck are they a collaboration of minds working in unison to make a single body work?

Using "they" as a singular pronoun is a pretty common thing, even when its not referring to a trans person; I was quite surprised to see people here thinking it's so mad. It's generally used when the speaker doesn't know the gender of the object. Dictionary.com [http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/they] has a note on this usage, and according to the Oxford dictionary [http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/words/he-or-she-versus-they], it dates back to the 1700s. I use it frequently.

Yes, also this. I use 'they' all the time. I'm a bit confused as to why it's seen as meaning multiple people. It's very common to hear things like `There's someone on the phone and they want to speak to you`- and no one thinks you mean multiple people.

It's different in the context of speaking to them directly. If I'm looking at you, I don't say "Yes They, how can I help you?" If that is the context in which the asshole in the example wants it used, then he is using it in a very weird way. Regardless though, the person is an asshole before anything else, so everything else that comes from their mouth after is suspect.

 

[FalloutJack]

Any person who refers to oneself as a plural term has either failed english or failed a sanity check.

"They"? Jesus fuck are they a collaboration of minds working in unison to make a single body work?

Using "they" as a singular pronoun is a pretty common thing, even when its not referring to a trans person; I was quite surprised to see people here thinking it's so mad. It's generally used when the speaker doesn't know the gender of the object. Dictionary.com [http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/they] has a note on this usage, and according to the Oxford dictionary [http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/words/he-or-she-versus-they], it dates back to the 1700s. I use it frequently.

I had never heard of such a thing until now. In any case, I feel it's inadequate and confusing. Plus, the attitude of the person described in this scenario is just way out of line.

 

[Silvanus]

Plus, the attitude of the person described in this scenario is just way out of line.

Certainly agreed on that point. There's no reason to get vocally angry about an honest mistake, when that person has even shown a willingness to genuinely apologise.