(The following isn't intending to be racist against the Japanese. I'm sure they're great folk.)
Anime? anime, anime, anime. Where do I start? I can?t say I hate anime because it?s like saying I hate an entire media, but to say I like every anime that rears its god awful face, well, that wouldn?t be proper of me.
A friend of mine, with an anime fetish of epic proportions, let me borrow one of Digital Versatile Disk box sets called? I?m not really sure actually. I couldn?t bothered checking the name because frankly, I want it as far from my memory as humanly possibly, but things as terrible as that stick. I assume this kind of mind torture was used to drive people mad.
The story basically went something like this:
In Japan, schools fight other schools for no reason. To fight you have to wear special earrings. One day a hot sassy chick bunks up with her cousin (cue awkward yet steamy incest relationship) and goes to school to fight. She obviously sucks because she gets beaten up as many times as the sun as set. But nobody worry, she?s the one and will unlock super ?the one? powers by the end of the series to kill the big baddy! I think the reasoning behind this madness is because every time she gets beaten in a fight, ALL HER CLOTHES GET TORN OFF!! All down to her bra and panties at least. Aww, put it back in fellas. Why, oh why, do the Japanese insist on crapping on their only descent marketing aside from Whale meat?! Each shot of a girl was low enough to be titled ?up-skirt-cam? and the entire story was full of sexual tension. I?m pretty sure the protagonistis mother wanted in on her son as much as his cousin. This was like some weird hentia, except pass the sex and nudity for partial nudity and fighting? leading to partial nudity.
After trudging all the way to the third episode I decided to give my delicate mind a break from the crap it was spoon fed and give it back, yelling at him anime style, that is: throwing my hand in the air and making my head grow larger then it should. He, of course, would have none of it since as (previously stated) is an anime fanboy, and all animated thing Japanese, like fishporn (don?t go there. Just nod and move on) and schoolgirls with invisible hands, are all thumbs up to him.
Unable to grasp the fact that I found the softporn/?Mortal Kombat goes to school? entirely unwatchable, he sits me down and shows me another great masterpiece of Japanese artistic talent, Higurashi no Naku Koro. Another useless waste of good ink. That ink isn?t free you know! It comes from trees or something. Anyway, Higurashi?s about a group of schoolgirls that look like they?re about 8ish. One goes on a killing spree, everyone dies, the story repeats itself going through each girl as a different killer. Sounds like it could have been good, but honestly it was far from it. Saying that the dialogue was rubbish, would stain rubbish?s good name. And, I?m a bit fuzzy about this, but apparently it?s ok to bring a gun to school in Japan. I know in Australia it?s highly illegal, but in Japan they have toilets painted like girls so you can pee on them. Two different worlds. My friend desperately to show me something good in it, fast forwards me to the final and dramatic scene. An ?8 year old girl? places bombs around the school and hunts people carrying a butcher?s cleaver that was double the size of her. Wouldn?t it hurt her arms lugging that huge thing around with her? Apparently she has Hulk strength in that tiny body of hers. Anyway, stuff happens, things go on and eventually she faces off with the protagonists on the rooftop. He?s armed with a wooden baseball bat while she still has that ?fuck off? huge cleaver sword. Charging at one another they lock in battle. As their weapons meet sparks and a Dragon Ball Z light show blows its way across the roof. Wait, back up. When did baseball bats shoot lasers?! And why doesn?t metal cut through wood?
So what do most Anime do so wrong?! Anime?s like Howls Moving Castle, Akira, Ghost in the Shell, Neon Genesis are hugely enjoyable and absolutely amazing by any standards. Then how is it that another Anime with the same formula manages to stuff it all up? Does it lack the creativity of Howl? The gorgeous emotional drama that is Neon Genesis? The action packed? action of Akira? It boggles the mind how Dragon Ball Z was great fun when they were fighting Freezer but turned sour when they got to Cell.
Sadly, less the 10% of Anime is rubbish (new research affirms), which only leaves the few good to collect fandom. In all honestly, you can?t say that you?re not tired of more anime shows promoting some kind of product to children: Yu Gi Oh, Pokemon, Bayblade, Digimon, and something else that?s cross between Peggle and Pong complete with the standard supernatural monsters. Wait, the latter actually sounds cool. You can?t say, with a straight face, that stupid series about skateboarding street fighters, or people that turn into planet destroying beasts and fight giant Zerg creatures from space are just plain ridiculous and annoying stupid. I think the problem was when somebody forgot to draw the line between dumb fun and just sheer dumb. I?ve grown tired of demons with cat?s ears, sluttish girls causing sexual tension for fan service drawn for 4chan, heroes with powers locked away inside them and transforming antagonists! I can?t stand anymore giant robot fights, angels in the guise of girls, sexually repressed boys that have a demon brewing inside, ninja?s with secret powers when they change their eye patches, enemies hulking around 40 foot swords and 20 more episodes of that same damn Spirit Bomb! Hurry up Goku!
Anime? anime, anime, anime. Where do I start? I can?t say I hate anime because it?s like saying I hate an entire media, but to say I like every anime that rears its god awful face, well, that wouldn?t be proper of me.
A friend of mine, with an anime fetish of epic proportions, let me borrow one of Digital Versatile Disk box sets called? I?m not really sure actually. I couldn?t bothered checking the name because frankly, I want it as far from my memory as humanly possibly, but things as terrible as that stick. I assume this kind of mind torture was used to drive people mad.
The story basically went something like this:
In Japan, schools fight other schools for no reason. To fight you have to wear special earrings. One day a hot sassy chick bunks up with her cousin (cue awkward yet steamy incest relationship) and goes to school to fight. She obviously sucks because she gets beaten up as many times as the sun as set. But nobody worry, she?s the one and will unlock super ?the one? powers by the end of the series to kill the big baddy! I think the reasoning behind this madness is because every time she gets beaten in a fight, ALL HER CLOTHES GET TORN OFF!! All down to her bra and panties at least. Aww, put it back in fellas. Why, oh why, do the Japanese insist on crapping on their only descent marketing aside from Whale meat?! Each shot of a girl was low enough to be titled ?up-skirt-cam? and the entire story was full of sexual tension. I?m pretty sure the protagonistis mother wanted in on her son as much as his cousin. This was like some weird hentia, except pass the sex and nudity for partial nudity and fighting? leading to partial nudity.
After trudging all the way to the third episode I decided to give my delicate mind a break from the crap it was spoon fed and give it back, yelling at him anime style, that is: throwing my hand in the air and making my head grow larger then it should. He, of course, would have none of it since as (previously stated) is an anime fanboy, and all animated thing Japanese, like fishporn (don?t go there. Just nod and move on) and schoolgirls with invisible hands, are all thumbs up to him.
Unable to grasp the fact that I found the softporn/?Mortal Kombat goes to school? entirely unwatchable, he sits me down and shows me another great masterpiece of Japanese artistic talent, Higurashi no Naku Koro. Another useless waste of good ink. That ink isn?t free you know! It comes from trees or something. Anyway, Higurashi?s about a group of schoolgirls that look like they?re about 8ish. One goes on a killing spree, everyone dies, the story repeats itself going through each girl as a different killer. Sounds like it could have been good, but honestly it was far from it. Saying that the dialogue was rubbish, would stain rubbish?s good name. And, I?m a bit fuzzy about this, but apparently it?s ok to bring a gun to school in Japan. I know in Australia it?s highly illegal, but in Japan they have toilets painted like girls so you can pee on them. Two different worlds. My friend desperately to show me something good in it, fast forwards me to the final and dramatic scene. An ?8 year old girl? places bombs around the school and hunts people carrying a butcher?s cleaver that was double the size of her. Wouldn?t it hurt her arms lugging that huge thing around with her? Apparently she has Hulk strength in that tiny body of hers. Anyway, stuff happens, things go on and eventually she faces off with the protagonists on the rooftop. He?s armed with a wooden baseball bat while she still has that ?fuck off? huge cleaver sword. Charging at one another they lock in battle. As their weapons meet sparks and a Dragon Ball Z light show blows its way across the roof. Wait, back up. When did baseball bats shoot lasers?! And why doesn?t metal cut through wood?
So what do most Anime do so wrong?! Anime?s like Howls Moving Castle, Akira, Ghost in the Shell, Neon Genesis are hugely enjoyable and absolutely amazing by any standards. Then how is it that another Anime with the same formula manages to stuff it all up? Does it lack the creativity of Howl? The gorgeous emotional drama that is Neon Genesis? The action packed? action of Akira? It boggles the mind how Dragon Ball Z was great fun when they were fighting Freezer but turned sour when they got to Cell.
Sadly, less the 10% of Anime is rubbish (new research affirms), which only leaves the few good to collect fandom. In all honestly, you can?t say that you?re not tired of more anime shows promoting some kind of product to children: Yu Gi Oh, Pokemon, Bayblade, Digimon, and something else that?s cross between Peggle and Pong complete with the standard supernatural monsters. Wait, the latter actually sounds cool. You can?t say, with a straight face, that stupid series about skateboarding street fighters, or people that turn into planet destroying beasts and fight giant Zerg creatures from space are just plain ridiculous and annoying stupid. I think the problem was when somebody forgot to draw the line between dumb fun and just sheer dumb. I?ve grown tired of demons with cat?s ears, sluttish girls causing sexual tension for fan service drawn for 4chan, heroes with powers locked away inside them and transforming antagonists! I can?t stand anymore giant robot fights, angels in the guise of girls, sexually repressed boys that have a demon brewing inside, ninja?s with secret powers when they change their eye patches, enemies hulking around 40 foot swords and 20 more episodes of that same damn Spirit Bomb! Hurry up Goku!
