Another Girl Thread (need sound advice)

[parasyteFMA]

I have had this problem bug me for quite some time and my friends are of no use in the particular situation, so what better place to come than the internet.

So there is this girl I have been crushing on since the end of my sophomore year in high school. I just started my senior year a week and a half ago and she happens to be in my creative writing class. Now I have never had a conversation with her and the only time I have interacted with her has been with very, very few words. She and I have a decent amount of mutual friends but for some reason I haven't gotten the courage to strike up conversation with her.

I now have the perfect chance/excuse to talk to her now. In the class, we do a magazine full of stories, poetry, and artwork that goes out with the year book and we both chose the same "Art/Photography" group. The only two flaws I see with this, are the fact that I really don't do well around people I don't know that well, and that one of my closest friends is in that group. It wouldn't be a problem if he wasn't a self-proclaimed "horrible wingman". I had one girlfriend in high school, which was last year and that didn't turn out very well. I want my last year to be at least somewhat memorable.

I don't want to seem desperate or anything like that. I know we have several interests that are similar so that could be a jumping off point. I just need advice on how to approach the situation.

A beforehand thanks to the great people on The Escapist.

 

[Rylot]

I'm not a hundred percent sure I understand how your class works but is there a way to compliment something she's done for the class (something she's written or taken a picture of) and then ask her for advice on something you're doing? Just be confident and be interested in what she has to say and you should do fine.

 

[Elysis]

How about you strike a conversation about something you're REALLY confident about and you know she's interested in?
About the class, or her own work, or her thoughts on your own work?

 

[Lilani]

How about you strike a conversation about something you're REALLY confident about and you know she's interested in?
About the class, or her own work, or her thoughts on your own work?

This is a good piece of advice. Start out with what you know, and see what happens from there.

If you've never even spoken with her before, then I'm sure she will have absolutely no clue you like her. And you likely know a lot less about her than you think you do. So just talk to her and get to know her, become a good friend to her. And don't worry about that idiotic "friend zone." For a relationship to work, you have to like and BE LIKED. If she's going to like you, she'll like you. If she's not, she won't. Too many guys get all depressed about the "friend zone" when it's really a case of liking and not being liked in return.

The best and longest lasting relationships I've seen have almost all started out as regular friendships. I think it only makes sense, really--I mean how are you supposed to be in love with each other if you can't be friends? So get on with it. Go be a good friend, and when the moment is right, tell her how you feel.

 

[Dastardly]

I don't want to seem desperate or anything like that. I know we have several interests that are similar so that could be a jumping off point. I just need advice on how to approach the situation.

A beforehand thanks to the great people on The Escapist.

Don't try to find "an approach." Do what is natural for you. If you want to walk up and blurt out your interest, do it. If you want to send love letters, do it. If you want... oh, you get the idea.

It's not a game, in which you try to adopt the correct "winning strategy" to succeed. You're a person, she's a person, and you may or may not be compatible. If you are, then you being natural will work out. If you aren't compatible, then "trying" to be compatible is just lying to yourself (and her), and is delaying the inevitable realization that you're not compatible at this point.

If you have a common interest, share it. Don't try to get anything. Just share it. You'll get the feeling of where to go from there. But above all, stop trying to think of the "right" way to go about it. It's dishonest to both of you to do anything that isn't natural.

 

[Dastardly]

The best and longest lasting relationships I've seen have almost all started out as regular friendships. I think it only makes sense, really--I mean how are you supposed to be in love with each other if you can't be friends? So get on with it. Go be a good friend, and when the moment is right, tell her how you feel.

Also, to build on this, there's a reason it goes this way.

When you're being someone's friend, you're not trying to be something else. You're just being yourself around them, and helping them be themselves. You aren't concerning yourself with whether or not you're "doing it right." And when you're being you, and they're being them, and you start to notice how often those line up naturally, now you're starting down the path to a relationship.

It's like farming. A farmer doesn't "grow corn." He can't. There's no way a farmer can make corn grow. Only corn can make itself grow. The farmer just creates conditions in which corn can grow naturally... and then he lets it. And either it does or it doesn't. The more he tries to force it, the more unnatural the conditions get, and the less likely he is to get good corn.

The old saying is, "It happens when you're not looking for it." This is almost true. A minor adjustment: "It happens when you're not trying to make it happen."

 

[The SettingSun]

Get some practice starting conversations. Instead of waiting for the perfect opportunity to talk to her just start conversation with her. She more than likely doesn't know you really like her and instead will just see it as some friendly guy wanting to talk to her. If she completely ignores you or makes things awkward then that's her problem not yours and she's probably not worth bothering with.

 

[kickassfrog]

Ask her about something in the class, then act like you're a bit busy, and would she like to discuss it over a drink sometime.