I've developed a new theory about humor. There are, I believe, a class of jokes that are so painfully unfunny that they in fact elicit the exact opposite reaction in the listener, which I call anti-jokes. There are three kinds of anti-joke...
1. Jokes that are obvious because everyone's thinking it, and you don't have to say it out loud, dammit, please just for Christ's sake stop. For instance, one might observe that, when pronounced a certain way, "Uranus" sounds like "your anus." Most of us stopped thinking that was funny when we were twelve. Therefore, when you observe that your anus has many moons, you're not impressing anyone. Other possibilities include the observation that, yes, Justin Bieber looks quite a bit like a lesbian.
2. Jokes that, while perhaps not obvious in and of themselves, have become obvious through months, years or decades of repetition and have therefore ceased to be even remotely funny. For instance, when the United States Treasury decided to redesign the money in 1996, many observed that it looked like Monopoly money. Ignoring the question of whether that was true or not (it wasn't), so many people have repeated the joke that it is now almost impossible to summon any genuine amusement that's not backed by an equal quantity of festering bile. Other possibilities include the statement "It's real, I just printed it last night" when checking a banknote to see if it's counterfeit, and of course the perennial favorite "Save a plastic tree" when asked if one wants a bag or not. (You'll notice that these tend to crop up in retail environments.) Cliches and stereotypes belong here as well, such as the Pakistani convenience store owner and the blonde airhead; the good news is that these are usually dropped once they stop being funny.
3. Jokes such as the one about Japanese perverts. These are jokes that, while there may be a kernel of truth to them, are so wildly blown out of proportion through ad nauseum repetition that the joke has almost completely detached itself from reality. To a certain mindset, all it takes is the mere mention of the word "Japan" to set off that part of the brain responsible for knee-jerk reactions, whether the original context calls for it or not. For instance, an article about the earthquake in Japan does not need comments that more or less amount to "NYEEHEEEEEH TENTACLE PORN." There are other examples, but that's probably the most obvious one.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying everyone has to be a comedian. I know humor is tough for some people to handle, and what's funny to one person may be absolute death to someone else. But using jokes that just patently aren't funny is no substitute. But my question is, are there any jokes that you can think of that make you want to stab your eyeballs out because they're just not funny? Alternatively, any stories about being confronted with jokes like these? How did you deal with it?
EDIT: I'm adding a fourth category: Jokes that, while they may be legitimately funny given the right context, are far too obscure to elicit lolz in anyone else. For instance, "That guy's pants remind me of Mrs. Smith." Who the fuck is Mrs. Smith? The joke doesn't work because a critical piece of information is missing. Note that this only becomes an anti-joke when foisted upon someone who wouldn't reasonably be expected to have the appropriate context for it. If, on the other hand, the recipient is aware that Mrs. Smith has a skin condition that makes her face resemble a pair of Levis that have been sitting on the side of the interstate for the past seven weeks, the joke is perfectly acceptable.
1. Jokes that are obvious because everyone's thinking it, and you don't have to say it out loud, dammit, please just for Christ's sake stop. For instance, one might observe that, when pronounced a certain way, "Uranus" sounds like "your anus." Most of us stopped thinking that was funny when we were twelve. Therefore, when you observe that your anus has many moons, you're not impressing anyone. Other possibilities include the observation that, yes, Justin Bieber looks quite a bit like a lesbian.
2. Jokes that, while perhaps not obvious in and of themselves, have become obvious through months, years or decades of repetition and have therefore ceased to be even remotely funny. For instance, when the United States Treasury decided to redesign the money in 1996, many observed that it looked like Monopoly money. Ignoring the question of whether that was true or not (it wasn't), so many people have repeated the joke that it is now almost impossible to summon any genuine amusement that's not backed by an equal quantity of festering bile. Other possibilities include the statement "It's real, I just printed it last night" when checking a banknote to see if it's counterfeit, and of course the perennial favorite "Save a plastic tree" when asked if one wants a bag or not. (You'll notice that these tend to crop up in retail environments.) Cliches and stereotypes belong here as well, such as the Pakistani convenience store owner and the blonde airhead; the good news is that these are usually dropped once they stop being funny.
3. Jokes such as the one about Japanese perverts. These are jokes that, while there may be a kernel of truth to them, are so wildly blown out of proportion through ad nauseum repetition that the joke has almost completely detached itself from reality. To a certain mindset, all it takes is the mere mention of the word "Japan" to set off that part of the brain responsible for knee-jerk reactions, whether the original context calls for it or not. For instance, an article about the earthquake in Japan does not need comments that more or less amount to "NYEEHEEEEEH TENTACLE PORN." There are other examples, but that's probably the most obvious one.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying everyone has to be a comedian. I know humor is tough for some people to handle, and what's funny to one person may be absolute death to someone else. But using jokes that just patently aren't funny is no substitute. But my question is, are there any jokes that you can think of that make you want to stab your eyeballs out because they're just not funny? Alternatively, any stories about being confronted with jokes like these? How did you deal with it?
EDIT: I'm adding a fourth category: Jokes that, while they may be legitimately funny given the right context, are far too obscure to elicit lolz in anyone else. For instance, "That guy's pants remind me of Mrs. Smith." Who the fuck is Mrs. Smith? The joke doesn't work because a critical piece of information is missing. Note that this only becomes an anti-joke when foisted upon someone who wouldn't reasonably be expected to have the appropriate context for it. If, on the other hand, the recipient is aware that Mrs. Smith has a skin condition that makes her face resemble a pair of Levis that have been sitting on the side of the interstate for the past seven weeks, the joke is perfectly acceptable.
) because we don't have an aversion to slightly crooked teeth. Equally, sheep-shagger jokes can be made about the Welsh - Australian, stupidity jokes about your countries nemesis, meanness can be any culture that doesn't give you something. They're not racist because they're simply a re-affirming of culture - rather than an attack on the race in question.
