In Space No One Can Hear You Squee
There aren't many videogames that can make (force) me to experience the Kübler-Ross model so in that respect alone Mass Effect 2 is a particularly memorable romp.
The original Mass Effect was also unique in that I was willing to grant it the highly coveted "Casey Merit Badge of Feigned Major Flaw Ignorance" - a rare and shiny certificate that legitimately allows me to declare something "One of My Favourite Games of All Time" despite the fact that its combat is placid and clinical; textures pop in roughly three days behind schedule; turgid elevator journeys have replaced fully acceptable loading screens; any mission that isn't part of the main quest takes place on a bland mess of geography; you traverse said topography in a jet-powered jeep made of jelly; said jeep can't fire on anything on a plane even slighly lower than itself and the inventory system makes me feel like going to sleep... forever.
It earned this badge because well - despite all that... it was delicious. Adequate sustenance for the Doctor Who marathon. Wholesome, Bioware-baked RPG cake - the like of which I hadn't absorbed for years. The voice acting was a soothing remedy for the perils experienced at the hands of whatever evil fuckery Bethesda inflicts on their voice actors. The plot and writing was NOT shit, which is still a difficult thing to find these days. Sure, the crew had a few weak spots here and there (I'm looking at you, the thankfully late Kaidan "Carth" Alenko) - but overall Bioware managed (again - the cheeky bastards) to put me in charge of people I generally gave a toss about.
Mass Effect 2 really does credit to the word "sequel". It irons out every, single, God damn thing that was wrong with the first one while improving every, single, God damn thing that was good in the first one. The elevators are replaced with loading screens; the MAKO is dead; side missions are original and unpredictable, usually involving a fleshed out, self contained story; the inventory system is piss-easy; combat actually resembles a shooter and Kaidan is dead (if you let him die)!
Wow, it's almost like a game this time!
Thoughts of the old crew quickly dissipated when presented with the ragtag loveliness of the new bunch - even Jacob turned out to be remotely interesting. Oh, and Garrus has a robot half-jaw - so that's an improvement.
Ah, the crew. There lies the most powerful element in the entire game. I Care - with a capital LOVE - about these people. More so than anything I have ever played, watched or read. Using a process I can only perceive as some kind of -mancy, Bioware has made me feel personally and uniquely attached to and responsible for these people, not to mention make me feel that I have sole ownership of a ship that millions of other people are flying around a million other galaxies. It is scathingly beautiful to learn that the aliens and robots in Mass Effect 2 are infinitely more human than your standard videogame protagonist. If Marcus Fenix badly wrote himself into this universe he would find himself given a Dunce cap and told to sit in the corner.
Oh, and a class 3 spoiler warning will be in effect in 3... 2...
This sense of attachment reached its pinnacle not more than twelve hours ago. Having forced myself into not glimpsing at a single FAQ - I went into the subtly titled "Suicide Mission" with the intention of playing it by ear. Letting my incredible command skills get my entire crew through the gauntlet unscathed. I purchased every upgrade. I gained the loyalty of every single character. I knew Miranda wasn't talking to me ever since I told her I prefer skin-head biotics to Michael Jackson lookalikes - but I thought if I kept her in my immediate squad she'd get through okay.
So, the sticky bastards blow 'oles in ma' ship - hijack me' crew and bugger off. I set off after them through that relay like a really snappy analogy, safe in the knowledge that I would save them all... and I wasn't doing it for the Achievement.
What a complete fucking bloodbath.
Assuming that brute strength and weapon damage was the deciding factor in this hootenanny - I put Grunt in charge of the Fire Team (he was a Krogan and had a big gun) and shoved Legion through a molten vent to hack the door (he was made of metal and his brain is a computer). Everything was going shiny. We blasted our way through Horde after Horde, thinking nothing could go wrong. Then we reach the door and shit gets real. During what is easily the most unbearably tense, eye-gougingly uncontrollable cutscene I have ever been forced to sit through (the door slides shut millimetre by millimetre) a living wave of ex-prothean flesh smashes into my squad. It's been a long time since I've literally jumped up shouting "GET AWAY FROM THE FUCKING DOOR! FOR FUCKS SAKE GET AWAY FROM THE FUCKING DOOR! LEGION! I'LL FUCKING HOLD THEM THE FUCK OFF! LEGION, FUCKING GET THROUGH THE FUCKING DOOR! LEGION! LEGION! FUCKING NOW!".
Bang.
Dead.
Forever.
Not even a weepy, dying, arm held gasp.
"LEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGIIIOOONNNN!!!"
It sucked. Hard. It sucked as badly as when Grunt gets shot in similar circumstances not ten minutes later. He had broken a window in my cargo bay and never apoligised - but that doesn't matter anymore.I'm feeling a lot less heroic. You could say I feel like a useless sack of shit. The fact that I survived the assault made it even worse. I'm not being soppy - but I was genuinely prepared to let Séan Shepard die if the rest of the team could live. But no. Legion and Grunt died. Miranda - the only one I was worried about - came out of that ship with scarcely a hair out of place. This was horrible - I needed someone to blame.
At first I denied it had even happened. That as the credits threatened to roll, Legion and Grunt would show up in an escape pod. A bit bloodied but otherwise breathing. When that didn't happen I moved on to anger. I blamed everyone but myself. I even blamed Bioware for tying the fates of my crew into an arbitrary, invisible yes/no system that was impossible to ascertain in advance. Then I told myself - it was no biggie. A quick scan of an FAQ and a file reload could bring them back for the dead. But no. I am not willing to cheapen the demise of two of my men by utilising an ability mere mortals do not posses.
What stage of grief am I at now? Depression. In case you hadn't noticed. Hopefully, soon enough I can reach acceptance. I can promise myself that in MY Mass Effect universe - Legion and Grunt died during an assault on the Collector home world. They died because their cocksure Commander thought that a bigger gun was more important than leadership skills. This save will be the one that I bring with me in Mass Effect 3, as well as the faces of those I murdered by quick thinking. I'll do this to give Bioware the salute they deserve for doing what Peter Molyneux can only bullshit about.
For the fallen.
There aren't many videogames that can make (force) me to experience the Kübler-Ross model so in that respect alone Mass Effect 2 is a particularly memorable romp.
The original Mass Effect was also unique in that I was willing to grant it the highly coveted "Casey Merit Badge of Feigned Major Flaw Ignorance" - a rare and shiny certificate that legitimately allows me to declare something "One of My Favourite Games of All Time" despite the fact that its combat is placid and clinical; textures pop in roughly three days behind schedule; turgid elevator journeys have replaced fully acceptable loading screens; any mission that isn't part of the main quest takes place on a bland mess of geography; you traverse said topography in a jet-powered jeep made of jelly; said jeep can't fire on anything on a plane even slighly lower than itself and the inventory system makes me feel like going to sleep... forever.
It earned this badge because well - despite all that... it was delicious. Adequate sustenance for the Doctor Who marathon. Wholesome, Bioware-baked RPG cake - the like of which I hadn't absorbed for years. The voice acting was a soothing remedy for the perils experienced at the hands of whatever evil fuckery Bethesda inflicts on their voice actors. The plot and writing was NOT shit, which is still a difficult thing to find these days. Sure, the crew had a few weak spots here and there (I'm looking at you, the thankfully late Kaidan "Carth" Alenko) - but overall Bioware managed (again - the cheeky bastards) to put me in charge of people I generally gave a toss about.
Mass Effect 2 really does credit to the word "sequel". It irons out every, single, God damn thing that was wrong with the first one while improving every, single, God damn thing that was good in the first one. The elevators are replaced with loading screens; the MAKO is dead; side missions are original and unpredictable, usually involving a fleshed out, self contained story; the inventory system is piss-easy; combat actually resembles a shooter and Kaidan is dead (if you let him die)!
Wow, it's almost like a game this time!
Thoughts of the old crew quickly dissipated when presented with the ragtag loveliness of the new bunch - even Jacob turned out to be remotely interesting. Oh, and Garrus has a robot half-jaw - so that's an improvement.
Ah, the crew. There lies the most powerful element in the entire game. I Care - with a capital LOVE - about these people. More so than anything I have ever played, watched or read. Using a process I can only perceive as some kind of -mancy, Bioware has made me feel personally and uniquely attached to and responsible for these people, not to mention make me feel that I have sole ownership of a ship that millions of other people are flying around a million other galaxies. It is scathingly beautiful to learn that the aliens and robots in Mass Effect 2 are infinitely more human than your standard videogame protagonist. If Marcus Fenix badly wrote himself into this universe he would find himself given a Dunce cap and told to sit in the corner.
Oh, and a class 3 spoiler warning will be in effect in 3... 2...
This sense of attachment reached its pinnacle not more than twelve hours ago. Having forced myself into not glimpsing at a single FAQ - I went into the subtly titled "Suicide Mission" with the intention of playing it by ear. Letting my incredible command skills get my entire crew through the gauntlet unscathed. I purchased every upgrade. I gained the loyalty of every single character. I knew Miranda wasn't talking to me ever since I told her I prefer skin-head biotics to Michael Jackson lookalikes - but I thought if I kept her in my immediate squad she'd get through okay.
So, the sticky bastards blow 'oles in ma' ship - hijack me' crew and bugger off. I set off after them through that relay like a really snappy analogy, safe in the knowledge that I would save them all... and I wasn't doing it for the Achievement.
What a complete fucking bloodbath.
Assuming that brute strength and weapon damage was the deciding factor in this hootenanny - I put Grunt in charge of the Fire Team (he was a Krogan and had a big gun) and shoved Legion through a molten vent to hack the door (he was made of metal and his brain is a computer). Everything was going shiny. We blasted our way through Horde after Horde, thinking nothing could go wrong. Then we reach the door and shit gets real. During what is easily the most unbearably tense, eye-gougingly uncontrollable cutscene I have ever been forced to sit through (the door slides shut millimetre by millimetre) a living wave of ex-prothean flesh smashes into my squad. It's been a long time since I've literally jumped up shouting "GET AWAY FROM THE FUCKING DOOR! FOR FUCKS SAKE GET AWAY FROM THE FUCKING DOOR! LEGION! I'LL FUCKING HOLD THEM THE FUCK OFF! LEGION, FUCKING GET THROUGH THE FUCKING DOOR! LEGION! LEGION! FUCKING NOW!".
Bang.
Dead.
Forever.
Not even a weepy, dying, arm held gasp.
"LEEEEEEEEEGGGGGGIIIOOONNNN!!!"
It sucked. Hard. It sucked as badly as when Grunt gets shot in similar circumstances not ten minutes later. He had broken a window in my cargo bay and never apoligised - but that doesn't matter anymore.I'm feeling a lot less heroic. You could say I feel like a useless sack of shit. The fact that I survived the assault made it even worse. I'm not being soppy - but I was genuinely prepared to let Séan Shepard die if the rest of the team could live. But no. Legion and Grunt died. Miranda - the only one I was worried about - came out of that ship with scarcely a hair out of place. This was horrible - I needed someone to blame.
At first I denied it had even happened. That as the credits threatened to roll, Legion and Grunt would show up in an escape pod. A bit bloodied but otherwise breathing. When that didn't happen I moved on to anger. I blamed everyone but myself. I even blamed Bioware for tying the fates of my crew into an arbitrary, invisible yes/no system that was impossible to ascertain in advance. Then I told myself - it was no biggie. A quick scan of an FAQ and a file reload could bring them back for the dead. But no. I am not willing to cheapen the demise of two of my men by utilising an ability mere mortals do not posses.
What stage of grief am I at now? Depression. In case you hadn't noticed. Hopefully, soon enough I can reach acceptance. I can promise myself that in MY Mass Effect universe - Legion and Grunt died during an assault on the Collector home world. They died because their cocksure Commander thought that a bigger gun was more important than leadership skills. This save will be the one that I bring with me in Mass Effect 3, as well as the faces of those I murdered by quick thinking. I'll do this to give Bioware the salute they deserve for doing what Peter Molyneux can only bullshit about.
For the fallen.