While I could pause and marvel at the fact that I have indeed become a member of the Bleating Lamb Party (a name reminiscent of a certain American Conservative party who tried to turn a Lich into a U.S. President) I must add myself to the unwashed masses who will populate these forums to no end regarding Call of Duty 5. I replace the darker/grittier "World at War" with it's sequential number for three reasons:
1. I do not ascribe to the arbitrary numbering that so many developers like to shove up our poo cutters.
2. I won't sit idly by and take any mess from Treyarch, not after that horrible Spider-Man game.
3. It's merely a period-based rehash or, dare I say it, "prequel" to CoD 4
As a loyal citizen of the least popular country in the western world, I'm a bit turned off by the "gawd bless 'merica" patriotisim enemas that many a WW2 shooter tends to give. Then there was Call of Duty, a shooter whose rampant attempts to make war seem like a tremendous waste of time, man and materiel vice a recruitment ad for dying in a blaze of glory whilst maidens fair cry rivers of sorrow at your unmarked grave were inversely proportionate to making me want to go out and engage in a firefight. I felt no one could do it better than they, and short of getting an infinity ward hadron tattooed on my jacobs I threw myself onto any sequel that came my way.
It was once remarked (in respect to Will Wright) that if you create something great you'd better make sure it's the last thing you'll ever do because you're going to spend the rest of your life trying to top it. No truer speedbump was ever approached by any development staff, and the folks at the helm of CoD 5 hit the speedbump then sailed over the guardrails onto the jagged stones below.
Lets talk soundtrack: I'm a pretty easy to please individual because being a man of low means tends to make you better appreciate the subtle luxuries life has to offer, like the complex and fruity aftertaste of a bottle of Thunderbird. Given this fact, if a game has a dynamic and enthralling soundtrack that evokes joy and empathy, a rare thing in most games, I can honestly ignore the festering medical waste aspects of the game. To expand further and reach out painfully to Activision's latest WW2 shooter; contextually speaking, a game of this scope is deserving of a visit from the London Symphony Orchestra, not the keyboard-guitar of Louie Palumbo, back up vocals for the local wedding singer. I relished moments without music, to the point where I'd purposely draw out endlessly respawning enemy sequences just to avoid listening to that God awful drum and bass beatboxing "you completed the level, good for you, go USMC!" victory music.
No, Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm not kidding?
Music being a hugely important part of my life aside, there are other parts of the gameplay that yanked my jacobs. Take a look at characterization: The game developers noticed that they were on to something after CoD 4 in that people grew fond of the constantly reoccuring Cpt. Price, SSgt. Griggs, Gaz and the strangely named Sgt. "Soap" McTavish. To recreate this warm-fuzzy, CoD 5 shoves relating to the characters down your throat with as much forcefulness as you'd find in an American Snuff film. As a small examle of the "heartwrenching drama" CoD 5 has to offer, Sgt. Shaw dies tragically as a result of a Japanese Officers razor sharp Freudian Slip (A.K.A. Katana)?.
?just who the frankenberry is Sgt. Shaw and why do I care? Furthermore, who may I ask is Sgt. Roebuck and why won't Sgt. Reznov STFU whilst I engage in my wholly unnecessary Vasili Zaitsev-esque sniper duel?
There are no answers to these questions but since I shelled out $59.19 USD and am in post-consumer denial I'll just keep telling myself that it's like a Zen Buddhist Koan. Which, much like MY demonstration of the sound of one hand clapping, is a slap in the face!
Good Junk: Graphics are pretty, the way blood pools shine in the moonlight is breathtaking and the gore is tasteful. I do believe this is the only sentence I will ever write illustrating that the "gore is tasteful" so enjoy it. That's all I've got regarding praise, can't do much better than that as the point of my life is to find fault with the better part of God's creation, which I do dutifully and without fail.
The point of this letter is to make apparent, on no uncertain terms that this game is a waste. I do not wish to plant preconcieved notions of this game taking home awards at some sort of fecal-based olympiad. But I do indeed challenge you to find something else beautiful about this game apart from it's graphics, I'll wager you the price of this game you can't
1. I do not ascribe to the arbitrary numbering that so many developers like to shove up our poo cutters.
2. I won't sit idly by and take any mess from Treyarch, not after that horrible Spider-Man game.
3. It's merely a period-based rehash or, dare I say it, "prequel" to CoD 4
As a loyal citizen of the least popular country in the western world, I'm a bit turned off by the "gawd bless 'merica" patriotisim enemas that many a WW2 shooter tends to give. Then there was Call of Duty, a shooter whose rampant attempts to make war seem like a tremendous waste of time, man and materiel vice a recruitment ad for dying in a blaze of glory whilst maidens fair cry rivers of sorrow at your unmarked grave were inversely proportionate to making me want to go out and engage in a firefight. I felt no one could do it better than they, and short of getting an infinity ward hadron tattooed on my jacobs I threw myself onto any sequel that came my way.
It was once remarked (in respect to Will Wright) that if you create something great you'd better make sure it's the last thing you'll ever do because you're going to spend the rest of your life trying to top it. No truer speedbump was ever approached by any development staff, and the folks at the helm of CoD 5 hit the speedbump then sailed over the guardrails onto the jagged stones below.
Lets talk soundtrack: I'm a pretty easy to please individual because being a man of low means tends to make you better appreciate the subtle luxuries life has to offer, like the complex and fruity aftertaste of a bottle of Thunderbird. Given this fact, if a game has a dynamic and enthralling soundtrack that evokes joy and empathy, a rare thing in most games, I can honestly ignore the festering medical waste aspects of the game. To expand further and reach out painfully to Activision's latest WW2 shooter; contextually speaking, a game of this scope is deserving of a visit from the London Symphony Orchestra, not the keyboard-guitar of Louie Palumbo, back up vocals for the local wedding singer. I relished moments without music, to the point where I'd purposely draw out endlessly respawning enemy sequences just to avoid listening to that God awful drum and bass beatboxing "you completed the level, good for you, go USMC!" victory music.
No, Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm not kidding?
Music being a hugely important part of my life aside, there are other parts of the gameplay that yanked my jacobs. Take a look at characterization: The game developers noticed that they were on to something after CoD 4 in that people grew fond of the constantly reoccuring Cpt. Price, SSgt. Griggs, Gaz and the strangely named Sgt. "Soap" McTavish. To recreate this warm-fuzzy, CoD 5 shoves relating to the characters down your throat with as much forcefulness as you'd find in an American Snuff film. As a small examle of the "heartwrenching drama" CoD 5 has to offer, Sgt. Shaw dies tragically as a result of a Japanese Officers razor sharp Freudian Slip (A.K.A. Katana)?.
?just who the frankenberry is Sgt. Shaw and why do I care? Furthermore, who may I ask is Sgt. Roebuck and why won't Sgt. Reznov STFU whilst I engage in my wholly unnecessary Vasili Zaitsev-esque sniper duel?
There are no answers to these questions but since I shelled out $59.19 USD and am in post-consumer denial I'll just keep telling myself that it's like a Zen Buddhist Koan. Which, much like MY demonstration of the sound of one hand clapping, is a slap in the face!
Good Junk: Graphics are pretty, the way blood pools shine in the moonlight is breathtaking and the gore is tasteful. I do believe this is the only sentence I will ever write illustrating that the "gore is tasteful" so enjoy it. That's all I've got regarding praise, can't do much better than that as the point of my life is to find fault with the better part of God's creation, which I do dutifully and without fail.
The point of this letter is to make apparent, on no uncertain terms that this game is a waste. I do not wish to plant preconcieved notions of this game taking home awards at some sort of fecal-based olympiad. But I do indeed challenge you to find something else beautiful about this game apart from it's graphics, I'll wager you the price of this game you can't
