Asking her out?

[Vash the Stampede']

Ok, so I've been in college three years now and I have yet to be in a relationship and its driving me crazy!

So I'm thinking of asking out this girl who works in the library even though I've never really talked to her before. I mean sure we've chatted at the library desk with little unimportant topics but I still know little about her except that I find her physically attractive (obviously).

So I'm trying to think of how to ask her to go out for something simple like a coffee date or lunch or something but I just don't know what I'm supposed to do exactly.

Am I going into this with the wrong intentions or should I be trying to work on improving my small talk with her a bit more before I ask her out for a coffee date?

What would you guys or gals recommend?

 

[CM156_v1legacy]

Not that I have much experience in this area...

Why not invite them to just go out to coffee/lunch with you? Say something like "Hey, I'm going to go out to lunch. Wanna join me?"

That's what I've been told works.

 

[renegade7]

First of all, there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking out someone you don't know well. If people only ever dated long time friends, mankind would have died out long ago.

So from the sound of it, you have talked before and she at least knows who you are. That's good. The next time you chat with her, ask if she would like for you to take her out for lunch/coffee/whatever (not a movie date. Movies make TERRIBLE first dates). Don't make a huge deal out of it, be confident and things will go in your favor...because let me tell, you can have looks, brains, money, personality, NONE of it will save you if you don't seem confident and comfortable with yourself.

Talking more is exactly what you don't want to do. If you don't move forward with the relationship and show some interest, she's going to think you're "Just a friend" at best, or creepy at worst.

 

[daveman247]

You dont know too much about her. This is the BEST time to ask.

Make sure it is only very small though. Like others have suggested, lunch or something. That you can use to gather more info

Good luck lad!

 

[Batou667]

Don't build it up in your head as anything more than a tentative first step.

Whatever happens, even if it's a "bad" outcome, is a positive learning experience.

Be honest, with her and yourself. If you ask her out for a drink and she says "ok, but just as friends, right? Because I have a boyfriend" don't feel obliged to take her out to 6 cinemas, 3 restaurants, walk her dog and babysit her cousin just to fulfil some percieved duty to be a "nice guy" who totally isn't in it just for the potential future sex.

Don't put her on a pedestal; drooling adoration isn't appealing to many girls. But don't put on a tough-guy douche persona either.

Don't prepare your lines. They're never as funny in real life as they are in your head as you lay awake at night rehearsing the perfect conversation.

Do keep your options open. If this girl doesn't work out, have a Plan B. Get out there and meet more women. You think this girl is unique, and special, and there's nobody else in the world who is quirky like her, or has a smile like her, or gets on with you like her? Meet enough people and eventually a girl will come along who's better.

Give a little, take a little. You're neither a douchebag nor a doormat, so don't act like either.

Never forget: YOU are the most important person in the world. (Who do you spend all day breathing to keep alive? Who do you drink water for and eat food for? Who has been a constant in your life, ever since you were born? YOU.) When push comes to shove, you need to put yourself first. Also, this means you have to fill out internally before you can add external things. If you're looking to a girlfriend to "fix" your life, or to improve your confidence, or to validate you or provide an emotional crutch, then you're looking in the wrong place. If you were a girl, would you date You? If not, why? Work on your weaknesses. There's nothing more attractive than somebody who's confident and is always striving forwards. Women are often very perceptive about whether a guy is independent and self-reliant, or a clingy, unfulfiled type. No prizes for guessing which one they tend to go for. (Of course, some women want a man who they can play surrogate mother to, but this isn't what I think of as a healthy relationship).

Anyway, go for it. No ifs, no buts, just go for it and if nothing else you'll have proved to yourself that you do have the cajones to approach a woman. Keep trying and you'll get there. Good luck man!