Basic Woman Problem

[D088Y]

Hello Escapees.
I have woman troubles just like most men but I would like to turn to a jury of my peers for an unbiased answer on what I should do.
I am very passionately attracted to my roommate who I spend a lot of my time with she is great. But she used to go out with a close friend of ours/mine and I'm not sure she feels the same way. The basic question I pose to you is "Should I tell her how I feel??
Positives:
-Weight off of my shoulders.
-If she feels the same way could be long lasting relationship which would make me really happy.
-I would be able to move past her if she says no (less ambiguity).

Negatives:
-Ruining two friendships (roommate and close friend).
-Spending less time with her (she really is amazing).
-Depression.

If you have any other questions feel free to ask. Thanks for your consideration I realise I'm just a random person on the internet.

 

[sanquin]

First things first. People should stop confusing sadness with depression. Depression is something far more severe.

That being said, just tell her. If your other friend that she had a relationship with disapproves...well...he has no more 'claim' on her. They broke up so she is free to date who she wants, and you are free to ask her out. If she doesn't feel the same way, try to make light of the situation as much as possible, and remain friends.

 

[Qvar]

I'm with sanquin. Just tell her, but you MUST do it in a way that won't let her thinking "ah crap now I won't be able to hang out with him".

I figure that there are 2 ways of doing it:
1. Tell her subtle. Wait for a drinking night or a heartwarm moment (I dunno... After watching a romantic movie together, something like that) and probe her feelings about you. You should be able to tell what is she thinking by her face. If it doesn't lighten up with the idea.
edit: I'm thinking about something like asking her "It would be nice to have someone who loves you like that rigth?" while looking her in the eyes (VERY IMPORTANT).

2. Tell her directly, but without making much fuss about it. You don't want her to think that it is a life or death matter for you. That is exactly what would mean losing your friendship. In this case, wait for some moment you're having fun together, when you can tell she's having fun with you.

Good night, and good luck.

captcha: many wishes

 

[D088Y]

First things first. People should stop confusing sadness with depression. Depression is something far more severe.

That being said, just tell her. If your other friend that she had a relationship with disapproves...well...he has no more 'claim' on her. They broke up so she is free to date who she wants, and you are free to ask her out. If she doesn't feel the same way, try to make light of the situation as much as possible, and remain friends.

Sorry I was exaggerating I know depression is a hormonal imbalance in the brain. Thanks for your perspective and advice though it really helps.

I'm with sanquin. Just tell her, but you MUST do it in a way that won't let her thinking "ah crap now I won't be able to hang out with him".

I figure that there are 2 ways of doing it:
1. Tell her subtle. Wait for a drinking night or a heartwarm moment (I dunno... After watching a romantic movie together, something like that) and probe her feelings about you. You should be able to tell what is she thinking by her face. If it doesn't lighten up with the idea.
edit: I'm thinking about something like asking her "It would be nice to have someone who loves you like that rigth?" while looking her in the eyes (VERY IMPORTANT).

2. Tell her directly, but without making much fuss about it. You don't want her to think that it is a life or death matter for you. That is exactly what would mean losing your friendship. In this case, wait for some moment you're having fun together, when you can tell she's having fun with you.

Good night, and good luck.

captcha: many wishes

Thanks so much, sounds like pretty solid advice.

 

[Qvar]

By the way, I'd forgotten to mention that the easy-peasy sign to know if she's interested in you is to see if she looks at you when you mention this subtle relationship question. It means she imagines herself with you. If she is looking somewhere else and doesn't change her gaze to you, or was looking at you but looks somewhere else when she hears what you said, it isn't good (unless she's one of those cronically shy girls, then she may have understood your intentions but is paralized by the train of thought).

That's the same reason why you must be looking at her while you ask this. If you don't, her subconscious will tell her that you're not thinking about her when you ask it, and she may automatically discard you.

Good luck!

 

[sanquin]

I'm with sanquin. Just tell her, but you MUST do it in a way that won't let her thinking "ah crap now I won't be able to hang out with him".

I figure that there are 2 ways of doing it:
1. Tell her subtle. Wait for a drinking night or a heartwarm moment (I dunno... After watching a romantic movie together, something like that) and probe her feelings about you. You should be able to tell what is she thinking by her face. If it doesn't lighten up with the idea.
edit: I'm thinking about something like asking her "It would be nice to have someone who loves you like that rigth?" while looking her in the eyes (VERY IMPORTANT).

2. Tell her directly, but without making much fuss about it. You don't want her to think that it is a life or death matter for you. That is exactly what would mean losing your friendship. In this case, wait for some moment you're having fun together, when you can tell she's having fun with you.

Good night, and good luck.

captcha: many wishes

Thanks so much, sounds like pretty solid advice.

Option 2 is basically what I said as well, though maybe said in better words. ^^;;

 

[Qvar]

That was the idea

 

[Caostotale]

I vote for you to just tell her how you feel. In my opinion, there's not much good health or nobility in a relationship where such strong sentiments are kept under the rug. If the action of being truthful drives a permanent rift between the two of you, I wouldn't be convinced that you were true friends to begin with, rather a pair of people who idealized each other in different ways.

I don't mean to come off as a hard-on, but I feel like direct and brutal honesty is the best policy. I have too many friends whose lives have become hellstorms of drama, self-pity, abuse to others, etc... simply because they are unable to rock the boat of whatever flimsy social structure they imagine themselves a part of (whether we're talking old friendships, marriages, musical groups, etc...).