Betrayal of a friend?

[NeoNomad]

Hello, I'm Nomad. I have a pretty unique situation that I would really, REALLY like some help with.

So here's the skinny. I have moved from Michigan and am now living in Texas, I left a few friends and after I was gone for a few months I found friends I had never had in Michigan before I left. People that I had known by face but not personally. A particular friend became my girlfriend and with me not there it was very difficult for her and me. But, through that we became very close to each other. She could make me feel things that I can't even begin to explain. I just felt so connected to her. Around her, I felt like I was at home... a TRUE home. I've never had one of those before. I saw her over Christmas for the first time being her boyfriend and by the end of it I knew in my heart I loved this girl. Long story short, a month later she leaves me. Then, within 3 hours of doing so over text message she trashed everything I had given her (a drawing of her, a watch, a very, very important can of soup coupled with flowers...) But I still think of her every day... unfortunately.

Now, I have been looking around for someone new that could make me happy again. I've come across a few girls, one in particular (the one that I made this subject about) that is in one of my high school classes. Our current relationship is not very close at all. She comes to our NJROTC club after school, like me, and we've talked a few times there and she seems like a girl I'd be interested in.

Now, here's the problem. This girl, is head over heels for one of my good friends in that ROTC class. But, that friend isn't allowed to have girlfriends. She doesn't know that. I've brought it up to him that she's interested (you can easily tell that she is) in him and he just denies it. I didn't ask her about it in at all though, so I guess I COULD be misreading her... very unlikely but possible. But, this girl is almost like a part of the healing process for me from my last experience. She would allow me to truly rebuild my confidence in my ability to have a relationship again.

Now, here's where I need advice: If I make a move toward her will I be betraying one of my best friends? If I do... will she just reject me and pursue him? If I do, how would I do it? If I do, will I be almost forcing her to forget about my friend that she likes and abuse his inability to have a girlfriend? If I do, will that destroy my friendship with him?

Please post all of your thoughts on the subject, anything constructive will help me greatly.

 

[zombiesinc]

But, this girl is almost like a part of the healing process for me from my last experience. She would allow me to truly rebuild my confidence in my ability to have a relationship again.

She shouldn't be a part of the healing process. That is something you should focus on getting through yourself, without leaning on someone. It's okay to have a friend or two that you can turn to when you're really struggling, but jumping into a relationship when you may not have fully moved on from your previous one is never a good idea.

Now, here's where I need advice: If I make a move toward her will I be betraying one of my best friends?

Does he like her? Although he's not allowed to date, how he feels towards her, and whether or not he's expressed it to you do factor in. If he does, and you choose to ignore that, and go after her anyway you take the risk of upsetting him, while also realizing she isn't interested in you.

If I do... will she just reject me and pursue him?

This is entirely possible, but would have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with how she feels towards him. That's not something you can help, or ignore.

If I do, how would I do it? If I do, will I be almost forcing her to forget about my friend that she likes and abuse his inability to have a girlfriend? If I do, will that destroy my friendship with him?

Before you look this far into the situation, take a moment to consider everyone involved. Does your friend like this girl? Does your friend know you like her? The more open you are towards him about it, the less likely it'll be that this will result in tension between you and your friend. Take the time to ensure you've considered all possible outcomes and how those involved may or may not feel as a result.