Boyfriend?

[Dismal purple]

I am 24 years old. My cousins around my age are married and have children by now. But I have never had a boyfriend or had my first kiss (if that was ever important) yet. I have never met someone I like, or someone who like me.

I used to not care about this because I think doing it as a teenager is rushed, but now that I am 24 I am starting to feel the pressure. Even if I don't expect to find the one yet I wish I had at least some experience with dating. Maybe I'm rushing but it feels like I am living the life of a retired old lady sometimes, I never "go out" or anything. I want to experience youth.

I'm just wondering if anyone here have ideas or insights about people who didn't lose their virginity as a teenager. When did you get your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Did it matter to you when it happened?

captcha: groundhog day. I've been getting that one a lot lately.

 

[game-lover]

I'm 25 years old and I'm basically in the same situation.

Nothing to really add. Just that I find I don't feel such things myself anymore.

I'm still young. There's theoretically plenty of time.

Of course, I don't care to have children so that's less to worry about.

 

[Hagi]

Live life at your own pace I'd say.

Also 24, also a virgin although I did do the whole first kiss thing ( no changes, I did not wake up the next day sporting a full beard ). I also never go out. I used to feel the pressure, male puberty and expectations being what they are and all, but that's calmed down over the years. Can't say I have any regrets.

I'd look at the reasons why you never go out. I've personally tried it and didn't enjoy it. So I don't go out, simple as that. I'm good friends with my co-workers and we have fun at work, in the evenings I relax, read a book, watch a movie or play some games. Works for me.

If you're not doing it for reasons like that then I'd say not to worry and just enjoy things as they come, plenty of time for finding a boyfriend later. When you feel the urge to start looking just sign up on a dating site or something, seems like a decent way of getting a few awkward first steps out of the way easy.

If you're not doing it because you're feeling shy, because you're uncertain etc. but you kinda do want to, then I'd say drum up a few friends, your cousins or whomever you can find and give it a shot. Worst that can happen is you'll have a single bad evening. And hey, you just might end up enjoying it or perhaps even find a cool guy.

Another thing to do could be to look at a hobby you can do socially. Perhaps join a sports club, I'm sure there's stuff like reading clubs as well. Google's probably your friend, should also help with getting out a bit without doing the whole clubbing thing if that's not for you.

But overall I'd relax, plenty of people in the same boat as us as you'll no doubt find out soon enough in this thread. People grow pretty old these days, usually wait a lot longer before marriage and getting kids etc. So plenty of time left. I'd leave the worrying until you get 35 or something.

 

[sanquin]

I got my first girlfriend at age 24. It just...kinda happened out of the blue you could say. As for if it mattered. Back then it did. It mattered a lot even. But once we broke up I realized that no, having a girl/boyfriend doesn't really matter that much. I guess having had a girlfriend changed my viewpoint on the whole relationship thing.

Most important thing I can tell you though: Don't actively look for a boyfriend for the sake of wanting a boyfriend. If you stop actively looking, you're actually more likely to run into the right person. That's how it worked for most of my current and past friends at least.

 

[Queen Michael]

I got my first girlfriend when I was 22. It was nice. And I'm actually glad I didn't have a teenage relationship. They're so narmy. There was this one time when I heard a teenage girl talking to her boyfriend on the phone, and she said "Swear you mean it. Swear on our love!" I couldn't stop myself from laughing.

 

[Jux]

I see nothing wrong with being dateless at 24, though if it's something that bothers you, I see no reason why you can't change that. I'm assuming you're post college at this point. It can make dating harder, as you need to create social situations for yourself, but it's not impossible. Have a friend set you up, try online dating, get involved with a softball/kickball whatever league.

And failure is discouraging, but don't give up if things don't go as you expect the first time around. Good luck~

 

[Hagi]

There was this one time when I heard a teenage girl talking to her boyfriend on the phone, and she said "Swear you mean it. Swear on our love!" I couldn't stop myself from laughing.

Heh, try traffic-light relationships. You know, the ones that go on and off around twice a week. They break up, they get back together, they break up etc.

Had a friend in such a relationship for a while and not using Facebook myself that's really freaking awkward to keep track of. Luckily that ended as they got older and, wonder of all wonders, they're still together today...

 

[Frezzato]

...

captcha: groundhog day. I've been getting that one a lot lately.

That was quite clever. Did you ever see the movie?

 

[omega 616]

I am 24 years old. My cousins around my age are married and have children by now. But I have never had a boyfriend or had my first kiss (if that was ever important) yet. I have never met someone I like, or someone who like me.

I used to not care about this because I think doing it as a teenager is rushed, but now that I am 24 I am starting to feel the pressure. Even if I don't expect to find the one yet I wish I had at least some experience with dating. Maybe I'm rushing but it feels like I am living the life of a retired old lady sometimes, I never "go out" or anything. I want to experience youth.

I'm just wondering if anyone here have ideas or insights about people who didn't lose their virginity as a teenager. When did you get your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Did it matter to you when it happened?

captcha: groundhog day. I've been getting that one a lot lately.

I'm 24, never kissed a lady and never go out.... Quite weird to read another person in the exact position as me.

I'm not one to believe I am a special snowflake or that I really am the only 24 year old to have never got further than a hug... But the odds were looking good that I was the only one.

I'm not feeling any pressure to get a romantic life but I do worry that I am going to be the living incarnation of "the 40 year old virgin".

Kind of a relief to know I'm not alone

 

[Ryotknife]

you have at least 5-6 years before society thinks you are some kind of baby/woman hating monster, if that makes you feel any better.

 

[Dismal purple]

I'm 25 years old and I'm basically in the same situation.

Nothing to really add. Just that I find I don't feel such things myself anymore.

I'm still young. There's theoretically plenty of time.

Of course, I don't care to have children so that's less to worry about.

Did you use to think about it?

I never thought about it until maybe 8 months ago.

If you're not doing it for reasons like that then I'd say not to worry and just enjoy things as they come, plenty of time for finding a boyfriend later. When you feel the urge to start looking just sign up on a dating site or something, seems like a decent way of getting a few awkward first steps out of the way easy.

If you're not doing it because you're feeling shy, because you're uncertain etc. but you kinda do want to, then I'd say drum up a few friends, your cousins or whomever you can find and give it a shot. Worst that can happen is you'll have a single bad evening. And hey, you just might end up enjoying it or perhaps even find a cool guy.

Another thing to do could be to look at a hobby you can do socially. Perhaps join a sports club, I'm sure there's stuff like reading clubs as well. Google's probably your friend, should also help with getting out a bit without doing the whole clubbing thing if that's not for you.

The problem is that I don't really have anyone to go out with. I'm very nervous and uncertain about some things but I would want to try as many new things as possible because I've lived a very sheltered life. I tried drinking for the first time a few months ago. It was scary but I wanted to do it.

I really really want to play badminton. I become ambidextrous when I play badminton. Going to ask some people if they know a away.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Christmas cake

I hope that wasn't an attempt to bump your thread after waiting 5 minutes. That's not a goooood idea here >.> <.<

Anyway, just relax. You have plenty of time but I will say, enjoy your youth while you still can. I bet you have plenty of friends you can go out with and just enjoy yourself, maybe meet a guy along the way if you wanted that.
I'm sure there's plenty of people who have liked you and I have a feeling if you got to know some people more you'd probably like them.
I assume you just shy away from guys which isn't necessarily a bad thing but you'll have to build up your confidence if you ever feel like you want companionship.
Relationships aren't for everyone and that's understandable but I personally feel if you go to your deathbed without falling in love at least once, you've missed out on a lot of happiness.
Of course you have years to experience this and you shouldn't worry. take it easy, get to know people, go to places that interest you and make some new friends which could potentially blossom into romance.

Don't ever get with someone because you think it's "the thing to do" (and I'm sorry if what I said sounded like that's what I was saying) but because you want to be with them.
Open up, embrace others (In a... metaphorical way of course) It might mean you get hurt but that's part of the experience.

I don't mind saying this (Hell I've said it before and no one here knows me personally anyway) I lost my virginity at a stupidly young age and every time I think about it, I feel shame, regret and anger. I just wanted to do what my friends were doing and I thought if I didn't give it to the first guy who offered, I'd be alone forever. I hope you don't make the same mistake and feel comfortable with a person before you get intimate.

Don't settle for just anyone who isn't right because you're worth more than that. Every guy that is nice is not always as genuine as he seems.

Be careful with who you give your heart to, but you can't keep it locked up forever. It'll happen in it's own time, you just make sure you go out there and have some fun while you can. (For the record, I also barely go out and feel like an old woman sometimes).

I didn't have a serious relationship until I was 15 which was REALLY according to my friends, I couldn't keep a guy for longer than 3 weeks or get one at all. I didn't have a srs srs one until I was 19.

I've met all my boyfriends online because ones in my city are absolutely disgusting, LOL.

 

[Hagi]

The problem is that I don't really have anyone to go out with. I'm very nervous and uncertain about some things but I would want to try as many new things as possible because I've lived a very sheltered life. I tried drinking for the first time a few months ago. It was scary but I wanted to do it.

I really really want to play badminton. I become ambidextrous when I play badminton. Going to ask some people if they know a away.

I'd simply Google for badminton + your town/city of residence. Results are bound to pop up. Them simply send them an e-mail ( usually easier than calling ) asking for introductory lessons. You can try out a single lesson and see what the people there are like.

If you're in luck there'll be a few others somewhere around your age also into badminton and you'll find someone to go out with. Worst case you'll waste an afternoon, but you can still say you've tried it.

 

[Johnny Impact]

Mid-30's here, never had a girlfriend. Women have always found me repulsive. I learned a long time ago simply to leave them alone. I figure I'll die without ever knowing love.

But here's the thing: so what? I'll also never have to deal with psycho bitches or unstable football-player exes, be cheated on, have a relationship fail in a spectacular train wreck, have kids in my home (I hate children, always have), pay alimony/support, or any of a dozen other terrible things. Being single and keeping to myself also leaves my time as free as it can be. I do what I want to do, when I want to do it, rather than "compromising" i.e. doing whatever she wants to do all the time. This cloud has silver linings aplenty.

Don't worry about it. Your life is your own. You don't owe your parents grandchildren, you don't even owe them an explanation for why you don't "find a nice boy and settle down." There is no set schedule by which you must do things. There is no one path to happiness. Life is not a romantic comedy where True Love is the one and only solution to everything that's making you unhappy. In real life everything is a tradeoff.

 

[Dismal purple]

That was quite clever. Did you ever see the movie?

Yes.

But overall I'd relax, plenty of people in the same boat as us as you'll no doubt find out soon enough in this thread. People grow pretty old these days, usually wait a lot longer before marriage and getting kids etc. So plenty of time left. I'd leave the worrying until you get 35 or something.

I know I said teenage relationships are stupid but I wouldn't mind experiencing it in my 20's for the sake of it. It will probably be different now compared to when I'm 35.

I just wanted to do what my friends were doing and I thought if I didn't give it to the first guy who offered, I'd be alone forever. I hope you don't make the same mistake and feel comfortable with a person before you get intimate.

This is how I feel like sometimes, heh.

Be careful with who you give your heart to, but you can't keep it locked up forever. It'll happen in it's own time, you just make sure you go out there and have some fun while you can. (For the record, I also barely go out and feel like an old woman sometimes).

I'm probably closer to locking it up forever.

I didn't try to bump. Christmas cake refers to unmarried women over the age of 25. But maybe I had edited it into the original post instead.

 

[game-lover]

I'm 25 years old and I'm basically in the same situation.

Nothing to really add. Just that I find I don't feel such things myself anymore.

I'm still young. There's theoretically plenty of time.

Of course, I don't care to have children so that's less to worry about.

Did you use to think about it?

I never thought about it until maybe 8 months ago.

Oh yeah. In fact, the more you see people having sex or love lives around you, the more the thoughts come, I imagine.

I was probably not entirely accurate saying I don't feel it anymore. It's more like not that very often. Sproadically, it comes and goes. But I don't dwell on it and so far, I've never dealt with any pressure.

 

[Hagi]

I know I said teenage relationships are stupid but I wouldn't mind experiencing it in my 20's for the sake of it. It will probably be different now compared to when I'm 35.

What little experience I do have in relationships I had more for the sake of it than for the sake of the woman involved. It didn't really work out all that well and certainly didn't last long.

It probably sounds empty, if you'd told me before my experience to stop and think about it some more I'm quite certain I'd have ignored you, but as Eevee pointed out above having a relationship for the sake of it rarely leads to something you'll feel happy about.

That being said, it might be a mistake all of us just have to make.

I'd look for and sign up for that badminton club if I were you . I know that in my case this kind of worrying only really stopped when I found something good to experience and look forward to ( fun job in my case ). A relationship was an easily accessible fantasy that served as a clear 'solution' to just feeling my life was kinda empty. It's what the movies prescribe after all . Once I found something enjoyable to experience it subsided though.

I don't know if that's the case for you as well, but I'd make sure to look for more experiences than just a relationship. The badminton thing sounds like a good place to start. Not quite sure what else to recommend, albeit since you're on a gaming forum it might be worth looking into some co-op games, if you can't find anyone to play with I'm certain a thread here would turn up some people. I'd recommend just looking for interesting things to do and ways to do those things together with others.

 

[Dismal purple]

-

I was super happy when I could study again and meet new friends. I think I will keep doing that.

 

[Abomination]

This is going to sound crass or potentially offensive but it does have an effect on the type of advice that can be given.

Are you much of a looker?

Yes, it SHOULDN'T matter but hope in one hand and shit in the other and you'll work out quickly which one fills up faster.

Not conforming to traditional beauty standards is going to throw a wrench in your plans or goals.

Online dating is an... "option" but I can't promise the potential matches will be any good.

As has been suggested it's best to find someone with the same hobbies as you. Hell, this very site could be a way of finding someone.