Bullies

[lion el jhonson]

I really, REALLY, dont like bullies. I find them to be pathetic, annoying and sometimes downright disgusting. But I suppose I should explain myself first. In the past I was laughed at, alot, nothing ever physical just constant laughter. no one ever told me why it just seemed everyone liked to have a good chuckle at my expense. Some may not have realized how much it hurt my inside but there were some who that they were hurting me and enjoyed it anyway. I kept my self bottled up and one day, dont remember when or why. I snapped and just started yelling and screaming. It made people stop so that was how it was for a while. One day the principle called me to his office and told me my anger was becoming a real problem. He told me how one person from my class really like me as a person but was honestly really scared of me. That really tore me up inside. I never wanted to hurt anyone I just wanted people to leave me alone. So I did what i thought would make everything better and cut myself off from the world. Didn't make friends, kept quiet and sat alone. I either hid myself behind a blank stare or a fake smile. I was just wishing, someone, anyone would just come up to me and ask if I was okay but no one ever did. I slowly became a lonely, short tempered ( still kinda am ) and overall depressed and bitter person. I wanted to be different, I really did but i just really wanted a friend first. hell I even tried killing myself twice, as you can guess I suck at it. Over time though I stopped feeling sorry for myself, manned the fuck up and grew a pair. I started by learning more and becoming a much more intelligent person. Then I started becoming more athletic and felt physically better as well. then I became more social and people became pretty nice to me. I just started to become and overall better person. Today, I pride myself with intelligence and worry about my own opinion instead what others think. I always try to be a calm and kind person who puts others before himself and tries to help those who ask or look like they need it. So my question is. Have you ever been bullied? how did it shape you as a person? Were you ever a bully? Do you feel sorry for what you did?

If you have anything want to say on this topic please do. I will accept all questions asked of me. Please take this seriously and try to be sensitive of other people.

 

[requisitename]

My step-father bullied the shit out of me. Mostly it just made me hate him. It meant that I spent a lot of time in my bedroom reading so that I wouldn't have to deal with him, which fostered a life-long love of both books and history. It also made me more understanding of why other kids might act the way they did in school (I've found the old cliche that bullies have a crappy home life to be pretty consistently true in my own dealings with them).

I was also bullied all through school because I was "weird".. which, as we all know, is the worst possible thing a kid can be! *lol* I just smiled and took it for a long time because when I was a kid, it wasn't something we "bothered" adults with unless someone was causing us serious physical harm. It happened and we were expected to sort it amongst ourselves. Around middle school I developed a thick layer of sarcasm to deflect the worst of it and, because I was pretty smart, I was able to make them look stupid without their realizing it until it was too late and people were laughing at them. I guess that in a way that makes me a bully, too. I don't feel at all bad about it, though, because from where I was standing they had it coming.

So, I suppose it shaped my life by making me bookish and sarcastic. I can't really say how it shaped my interactions with other people because I don't (and never have) interacted in a normal way with others, but that's because of something else entirely.

 

[Limecake]

Have you ever been bullied? how did it shape you as a person? Were you ever a bully? Do you feel sorry for what you did?

I wasn't bullied but I was teased before high-school. I sort of had the same reaction as you did, one day I just got really mad at people except instead of shutting myself off from people I started making friends.

I actually was a bully, In a way I do feel sorry but I also know that those days are long behind me. I'm not proud of the way I treated people back then but most bullies do it because they are insecure, Puberty can really mess with your head.

I've changed though, I'm much more comfortable in my own skin and I try not to hurt people's feelings, still happens but that's life.

 

[Guffe]

Well I never bullied, I had a friend who was and I stepped up for him.
Some people started trying to do stuff to me too because I just helped a friend in need and I didn't care, they didn't get ANY reaction from me and stopped.
I have always been athletic and pretty mediocre when it comes to intelligence.

This topic thou brings me to one point.
Bullying can have very ad consecuenses, as the OP said he tried to kill himself.
Here in Finland in the last month we've had 2 kids (one aged 16 and one 10) who got enough of the bullying and stabbed the bully.
No kidding here, two kids have stabbed their bullyies, neither died but both are in hospital.

I just wish people would understand to not do this kind of shit.

 

[Valanthe]

In Elementary School, I was never bullied simply because, looking back on it now, I ended up being in the bullies' "group." there was a kid we used to pick on, and I really feel bad about it now and we've since made amends. (And he also makes 3x what I do in salary, so who's laughing now eh?)

However my family moved to a different town just as I was going into grade 8, and as I still kept in touch with my old friends, at the same time making new friends, I can -really- see how that move saved me from a dark road. In high school, I was picked on. For the most part it was never anything serious, and as I was fortunate enough to have very good parents who taught me how to react properly to the stresses in my life, it never really escalated into anything serious. In fact the closest I got to a violent retaliation in High School is when some guy just wouldn't shut up and I finally had enough and slapped him. He was so stunned that I'd had the stones to do that (I was a very calm person who still to this day hates resorting to violence, and he was a well known scrapper.) that he immediately shut up and left me alone after that.

The lesson I've learned is that there is no 'one way' to deal with bullies, and each situation must be measured individually. From what I heard, the guy we used to bully in elementary school got over it by going to the gym, and joining the boxing team, and ended up becoming one of the most popular guys at school. I dealt with it by surrounding myself in a group of awesome friends in high school, and while me slapping someone was very much against character, in the end it showed this person that no, I was not afraid to stand up for myself, and h left me alone.

I don't like bullying, but it is part of human nature, being a bully and then being bullied taught me that I cannot rely on "authority" figures to solve my problems, that's why they are 'my' problems, and I must stand up and solve them myself. And that's a lesson that has greatly shaped who I am today, for better or worse.

 

[Jonluw]

Yeah, bullying sort of ruined my social skills as well.
Not that I wasn't a bit awkward before people started bullying me.
[sub]Understand that I mostly mean psychological bullying. Only one or two of my bullies ever hit me, and that was never hard enough to do any actual harm (Except for an isolated incident where a guy tried to kick me in the head because I'd grabbed onto his scarf which he'd been using to whip me with.). The core of the bullying consisted of threats, social ostracizing, name-calling, making me feel uncomfortable and intimidation.[/sub]

I'm pretty much past the depressions and the whole objectivism phase, but the lack of social proficiency still lingers. I worry most people around me find me annoying to some extent, and I've never had a girlfriend. Nor am I likely to get one in the near future.

The worst part, perhaps, is that it seemed people liked me better when I was still depressed. I don't blame them: My smile is sheepish, my humour is either deadpan, annoyingly cheesy, or relies on obscure trivia knowledge, and when I now try to participate in some silly conversations I always seem to misstep and pull jokes too far.

I can remember two incidents where I snapped. Once, a couple of guys (not my usual bullies for some reason) had grabbed my beanie, and were tossing it between eachother. I was trying to get them to stop rather than trying to catch it, I think. Finally, one of them missed a throw, and my hat landed in the mud. I ran to grab it, and when I picked it up the guys were standing next to me. When I stood up, the guy closest to me said "what did the hand say to the face". In response, I just looked at him resentfully. "Slap!"
Instantly after slapping me, he turned around to walk away. I was standing there, stunned with anger. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to put the guy in a headlock. And he'd revealed his back to me, so I did. He was a decent bit taller than me, so I had to jump to reach his neck properly. I think this created a sort of twisting motion as I moved towards the ground. He appeared to be in a good bit of pain.
Other than my fear of having done some serious damage, it felt good.

The other one was the aforementioned guy who tried to kick me in the head.
He'd been whipping me with his scarf, so after a while I'd grabbed onto it. He'd then walked up to me and started slapping me in the face and kicking me on the shin alternatingly. I resolved to keep my calm, stay seated, and react with witty comments for the onlookers. I counted how many times he hit me, and made comments on how awesome and dignified a person he was.
That's when he tried to kick me in the head.
Luckily, he missed and hit my shoulder instead.
I jumped up and shouted at him about whether he had any idea how dangerous that was, and then walked away.

 

[Me55enger]

I was bullied from primary school, both by the headteacher (a nun, and now is fuel for the hell she deserves) and the students. It persisted through secondary school.

The result?

I have a beautiful girlfriend, a place is a quality university, and freinds I can trust and rely on.

Bullies are wankers, but they are inevitible. I see them round town and I see the misery of the dead-end life they have made for themselves.

"The Wheel Never Stops Turning" - Reynolds, M.

EDIT: I'm not religious.

 

[Wintermoot]

I always got bullied through my entire school days (except for the last two years).
It didn't help my faith in humanity it got even worse when the teachers said "it,s just their behavioral disorder" (I,m autistic and went to a school with other autistic people...and students with behavioral disorders) one day I just walked out.
I considered killing myself to just get rid of the bullying.
I think his shit made me misanthropic.

 

[Kolby Jack]

I was bullied because I was small and weak, and in turn I bullied the kids who were smaller and weaker than me. I don't feel sorry for what I did, which isn't to say I would not apologize were I to meet the people I bullied because I think they deserve my apology. But yea, I don't feel sorry, because as a child my reasoning made sense to me, and it would be stupid to expect my 10 year old self to be better than, well, a 10 year old kid. I've long since put the dumb shit I did as a kid behind me.

 

[deathninja]

Bullied at primary school for having a facial birthmark, bullied at secondary school (to the point of the Police removing me for my safety after some serious assaults) for being white, then during college when it started to become apparent I had mental health/learning issues.

Most of it was physical, and it's made me hard rather than broken, nothing really gets to me.

 

[dyre]

Why are these so many threads on Escapist about bullies? I wonder how many people get bullied in the average junior high / high school.

I was maybe slightly bullied (like, the butt of a joke or two) in high school, but I don't think there was much malice in it and it was a rare occurrence. I probably unknowingly "bullied" a few people too, also not out of malice. In any case, it was never really a problem for me. And I was a nerdy kid!

 

[-Samurai-]

Why are these so many threads on Escapist about bullies?

Because bullying is suddenly some super huge problem that definitely hasn't been around since the dawn of time. And apparently, just giving someone a dirty look makes you a bully.

It's a good thing bullies didn't exist when I was growing up. You know, before the internet was this big thing that caused every tiny problem to be blown way out of proportion. I don't know how we would have survived.

 

[Eusebius]

I used to think I was bullied a lot, in elementary school and sometimes middle school. But I realize now that I really wasn't bullied a lot, I just took everything too personally and was a bit paranoid. I think my perception at the time caused me to be generally mistrusting of people, but I've mostly gotten over that.

 

[Jonluw]

Why are these so many threads on Escapist about bullies? I wonder how many people get bullied in the average junior high / high school.

If you consider the escapist's target demographic, I don't exactly think it's weird that the majority of users have experienced some bullying.
I mean... It's called the escapist.

 

[Nikolaz72]

Why are these so many threads on Escapist about bullies?

Because bullying is suddenly some super huge problem that definitely hasn't been around since the dawn of time. And apparently, just giving someone a dirty look makes you a bully.

It's a good thing bullies didn't exist when I was growing up. You know, before the internet was this big thing that caused every tiny problem to be blown way out of proportion. I don't know how we would have survived.

I mean they were simply having some fun, there are almost no bullies whatsoever and you know, those who did bully arent such a big deal and we should do nothing about them because they have been there for like the longest time.

*Oh look at me, im so tough because I can prance around people who got bullied and feel bad about it and act as though I dont care so im totally really tough, can you see how tough I am?*

 

[dyre]

Why are these so many threads on Escapist about bullies? I wonder how many people get bullied in the average junior high / high school.

If you consider the escapist's target demographic, I don't exactly think it's weird that the majority of users have experienced some bullying.
I mean... It's called the escapist.

Maybe it's because I went to a good school district, but people in my high school, as far as I know, didn't really get bullied, whether they were weird or disabled or nerdy or gamers. We even had a transvestite and a bunch of openly gay guys and no one bothered them.

Why are these so many threads on Escapist about bullies?

Because bullying is suddenly some super huge problem that definitely hasn't been around since the dawn of time. And apparently, just giving someone a dirty look makes you a bully.

It's a good thing bullies didn't exist when I was growing up. You know, before the internet was this big thing that caused every tiny problem to be blown way out of proportion. I don't know how we would have survived.

I mean they were simply having some fun, there are almost no bullies whatsoever and you know, those who did bully arent such a big deal and we should do nothing about them because they have been there for like the longest time.

Because throwing hate at them from behind a computer screen is going to do something about them?

 

[-Samurai-]

Why are these so many threads on Escapist about bullies?

Because bullying is suddenly some super huge problem that definitely hasn't been around since the dawn of time. And apparently, just giving someone a dirty look makes you a bully.

It's a good thing bullies didn't exist when I was growing up. You know, before the internet was this big thing that caused every tiny problem to be blown way out of proportion. I don't know how we would have survived.

I mean they were simply having some fun, there are almost no bullies whatsoever and you know, those who did bully arent such a big deal and we should do nothing about them because they have been there for like the longest time.

*Oh look at me, im so tough because I can prance around people who got bullied and feel bad about it and act as though I dont care so im totally really tough, can you see how tough I am?*

If I could accurately draw you a picture of the very wide margin by which you missed my point, I would. But I can't.

I'll just let you look like an ass instead. Keep working on those reading comprehension skills.

And for the love of god, don't type out some big post about how you were bullied or your friend took their own life because of a bully, and your heart bleeds for all those in a situation similar to yours.

 

[TheTim]

Never been bullied, never have bullied.

My dad always taught me to give nothing for the bullies to go after, i did just that.

 

[JCBFGD]

Have I been bullied? Almost everyday for hours at a time for three to four years. I made the stupid decision to be friends with the guy, 'cause he was also the friend of a bunch of my friends.

How did it shape me? I am incredibly nervous around people and large crowds, I don't go out much, and I'm self-conscious about my appearance. At the same time, I'm also sure of myself mentally and feel very superior to a lot of my peers, especially ones who act like my bully did (which is to say, a rather large number). Dunno how I got that trait out of years of bullying, but I'm kinda thankful for it...I really like myself as a person.

Have I been a bully? Yeah, technically. I prefer to think of myself as a vigilante, though. The kid I bullied was an asshole who asked random girls whose phone numbers he somehow had to sext him. He sexually harassed more than a dozen girls (and that's being conservative), but my high school's administration never did anything about it (and if they did, I never heard about it). I have a huge problem with sexual harassment/abuse/assault/etc (and there's a very thin, blurry line between them), so I wanted to make sure that he got what was coming to him.

The guy who bullied me for years came up to the kid one day and verbally tore into him so bad, he started to cry. I felt bad for him at first, but then I remembered what he'd done. I had a bit more respect, too, for my former bully. I dunno whether or not this makes me a bad person, but I have zero regret for this. If it helps, I just ignore him now; he's paid his dues, in my mind.