[HEADING=1]caffeine|[small]domble[/small][/HEADING]
[HEADING=2]THE ELDER SCROLLS: SKYRIM[/HEADING]
[HEADING=3]because dragons are arrogant[/HEADING]
The Elder Scrolls games have always been an event. It's hard to think of another game that creates such ire for its myriad of shortfalls as a whole, but which you can guarantee will be purchased by even the most ardent of trolls.
The main issue with actually writing a review for one of their installments is that most of the problems are simply tolerated because of the scope of the game. Of course its going to have bugs because it's huge, not unlike your Mother. To a certain extent this is a valid argument, since I'm sure a game of this magnitude would be almost impossible to quality check. Again, this is true of your Mother, and I can attest from personal experience that it's going to take a hell of a lot more than a patch to fix that, son. Heyooo.
Yeah, I'm back.
Anyway, a review must be written for all of you good people who have already played the game and, indeed, written reviews yourselves. Since your time is precious, and writing this is preventing me from getting drunk and cranky, I'll keep the intro as short as possible.
You fade in on a cart with several other convicts. Even though you haven't created your character yet and must therefore resemble a set of eyes and a spinal cord, they take the time to comfort your sickening, ghoulish hellform in what are to be your final moments. You ride into a fort, your captors kindly provide you with a face to make it easier on the executioner's stomach and march you up to the block. Then a dragon pitches up and eats everyone.
|||||Z
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So, after that unpleasant piece of business you have your ropes taken off, only to discover that you knew a fire spell that probably would have gotten the job done, otherwise known as "ten thousand spoons" syndrome. It's then that your braindead hero must choose between the kindly rebels who comforted you in your time of need, or the imperial fascists who wanted to kill you out of apparent boredom.
Provided your chosen lobotomy victim actually has the ability to walk, you'll probably stagger towards the rebels, if nothing else for the virtue that skirts aren't mandatory. Off to Riverwood with you, adventurer; and thus begins Skyrim.
From the moment you emerge from captivity, you're launched into a world crafted just for you. It's beautifully realised, from the sunset glancing off the snow-topped peaks to the lake trout swimming against the clean blue tide, the world is sung to you in a symphony of lavish detail. For those of you wondering, yes that's probably the nicest thing I've ever written, not that you pig fuckers appreciate it.[footnote]Oh that reminds me, I've got a new job that, whilst being fond of my reviews, has no interest in publishing them on their employee website at this time.
Well, fuck 'em. Fuck fuck fuck.[/footnote]
If you skipped the also brilliant-but-flawed prequel of Oblivion, it'll be hard to get your head around the fact that there's an entire country here to play around in. Every carefully placed stone and blade of grass has form and function; even more difficult to get your head around is that it is all centred around you, the Dovakiin, a dragon-fluent whirlwind of electricity, bricks and death.
You're going to spend hours attached to Skyrim's gripping landscape, and there isn't a game out there, even the fancy modern shooters with their poignant and recognisable locales, that feel quite so complete and relatable. It's nothing short of an aesthetic triumph on the part of Bethesda, who have obvious love for their own source material and really let it shine through. I say aesthetic only because, on occasion and as mentioned before, the technical side of things can really let the team down. Now there are problems, some quite serious granted, but absolutely nothing that can compare to the kind of experience Skyrim consistantly delivers. That being said, your tolerance for said faults should decrease in indirect proportion to the amount of time it takes to get them fixed. In the mean time, and anyone who has played the game will attest, any glitches you encounter will be more than outweighed by the joy that the game constantly drizzles on you like so much warm honey.
But what's an epic game world without epic quests to fill it? A cornucopia of sprawling horizons and tranquil sunsets, I suppose. Anyway, for the most part, Skyrim offers you interesting if rather unimaginitive passtimes. You'll find yourself wandering to point X to retrieve item Y for NPC Z, or laying seige to a fort to kill 100% of brown leather clad enemies whilst taking care not to bludgeon your own brown leather clad allies to death in the process. You need to be especially wary of this later on in the game when you are of a higher level because, due to a severly toned-down enemy/ally levelling system, the first hit will very probably be the last.
There's actually a theme in Skyrim of things not being terribly difficult. It has a scaling system, but it's a bit more subtle than Oblivion's "here's a gaggle of common road bandits modelling impressive examples of exotic, arcane-fuelled carnage armour", the enemies tending to prefer increasing the numbers behind the scenes than pawning their current items for something more otherworldly. This approach is certainly more realistic, but if you haven't started the main quests before level 20 then the enemy will quickly realise that the only thing between them and a horrible death is distance.
As a result, the difficulty tends to yoyo a little, with only the occasional random-encounter elder dragon chewing you out of your own armour bringing you back down to earth. While this certainly reflects the natural order of things, it means that if you do a little freelance adventuring before you start the game proper then you aren't going to be particularly challenged. The amount of exploits and breaks when it comes to your character's levelling system border on the surreal, and that's not to mention the fact that some of the powers you can acquire during your travels range from summoning a maelstrom from the very ether to altering the flow of time. If it wasn't for the cooldown meter between dragonshouts the right bumper could be credibly renamed the "I WIN" button.
So, you'll win, and with time spent with smithing and crafting you'll look cool doing it. I suppose it's time to fess up; I haven't really tried the magic elements of the game properly yet. I've cast a few fireballs, enough to both get to grips with the system and know it works, as many a warrior who experienced one of nature's main points in the unending "I own you" argument will attest, and that it's a strange mixture of fun and frustrating.
It's fun in that the combat is nice and flowing, allowing for tactical retreats and for a well-timed block to earn the advantage, but if you want to mix things up a bit and use something in your favourites then the whole game inorganically pauses and vomits a list of items on the screen to choose from. There's no sense of frantically grabbing for your satchel as you search fruitlessly for that one last healing potion, nor the thrill of reaching for an extra blade on the occasion that your foe knocks the weapon from your hand; everything is done through a numb menu screen that only serves to pierce the atmosphere that the world around you works so hard to create.
The world, that is, apart from the characters. TES has never been a series huge on character, save for your own mute avatar[footnote]Mute apart from when they shout, the two volumes vital for a contender of the World's Worst Roommate Cup.[/footnote], and Skyrim is no different. Short of their name and perhaps one defining personality trait (usually "honourable" or "scumbag") you'll have a lot of difficulty remembering any of the people you meet along your travels. If there's one absolute flaw to level against the game, it's that the only character worth investing in is Skyrim itself.
But a worthwhile character it is. Skyrim is at its very best when you take the time to explore it for no other reason that to find things. Not infrequently you'll be rewarded by stumbling across ruins containing the diaries of previous adventurers, usually accompanied by the bodies of previous adventurers. If not then you'll find notes in the empty rooms of bandits and raiders who have stepped out on patrol, shortly accompanied by the creating of the body of the bandit who stepped out on - you get the idea. It all gives a wonderful feeling of things moving while you're not watching, and makes everything seem much more interesting and vibrant.
It has to be said, the game is a much more fluent experience when playing as a more combat focused character, and especially when played with stealth. The game does a great job of making the stealth mechanics plausible and realistic, a hurdle most games not entirely focused on sneaking usually fall on. Add to this the sometimes ridiculous perks available to the thief class and you have a character that can get by on simply not being seen. The game will rarely present you with a challenge that can't be solved at least three or four ways, but you'll sometimes be forced into a fight with an enemy you can't run away from. While in no way as dramatic as the otherwise-excellent Deus Ex, one can't but think that Skyrim is somewhat above the notion of a "boss fight".
From the very peaks of the numerous mountain ranges to the gloomy side streets of Windhelm, Skyrim offers you hundreds of hours of stories to tell about your wanderings, treasures to uncover and dungeons to lay seige to. The more rigid, traditional levelling system has been streamlined to make anything you could reasonably want to do possible, and from the very start the game is gripping and sleep-endangeringly hard to walk away from. There's simply no one critisism that can be levelled against it that can't be countered by five other points in its favour. If you're looking for just one game to define an entire generation of consoles and technology, this is unquestionably it.
The Verdict? Besides a few minor details and some technical issues, Skyrim is nothing short of a brilliantly crafted game, and if you have even a passing interest in the genre then it's heartily recommended.
Just sit back, and enjoy the event.
______________________________________
Film: Captain America: the First Avenger [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.303971-Caffeine-Captain-America] / Book of Eli [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.272492-Caffeine-Book-of-Eli] / The Social Network [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.270049-Caffeine-The-Social-Network] / Machete [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.256345-Caffeine-Machete] / Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.238816-Caffeine-Bad-Lieutenant-Port-of-Call-New-Orleans] / Inception [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.231490-Caffeine-Inception-One-Year-Anniversary] / Black Dynamite [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.226865-Caffeine-Black-Dynamite] / A Scanner Darkly [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.199489-Caffeine-A-Scanner-Darkly] / Iron Man 2 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.195243-Caffeine-Iron-Man-2] / Terminator Salvation [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.191560-Caffeine-Terminator-Salvation-and-the-calamity-of-fourquels] / Serenity [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.189502-Caffeine-Serenity] / Frost/Nixon [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.187906-Caffeine-Frost-Nixon] / Kick-Ass [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.185181-Caffeine-Kick-Ass#5608635] / The Hurt Locker [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.183962-Caffeine-The-Hurt-Locker#5524103] / Pretty Woman [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.183238-Caffeine-Pretty-Woman] / The Haunting in Connecticut [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.181389-Caffeine-The-Haunting-in-Connecticut] / The Watchmen [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.180241-Caffeine-The-Watchmen-and-a-few-words-on-the-art-of-Adaptation] / The Men Who Stare at Goats [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.170886-Caffeine-The-Men-Who-Stare-at-Goats-25th-Review] / In the Loop [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.165442] / a Plan 9 from Outer Space rant [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.166079-Caffeine-a-Plan-9-from-Outer-Space-rant#4395286] / Moon [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.162973] / Pulp Fiction [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.156647] / Night Watch [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.154980] / X-Men Origins: Wolverine [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.153507] / The Departed [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.149527] / Star Trek 2009 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.149058#3470961] / A review of Love Happens (Without seeing it first) [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.148846#3460365] / Inglourious Basterds [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.147977#3420043] / Fight Club Essay [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.147655#3403751] / District 9 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.147097#3373011] / The Crow 4: Wicked Prayer [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.137348#3089948]
Game: Dead Space 2 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.288684-Caffeine-Dead-Space-2] / Crysis 2 multiplayer] / Fallout: New Vegas + Dead Money [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.286596-Caffeine-Crysis-2-Multiplayer] / Metro 2033 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.270445-Caffeine-Metro-2033] / Resident Evil 5 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.222184-Caffeine-Resident-Evil-5-and-a-few-words-on-racism] / ME2 DLC Bonanza! [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.216231-Caffeine-Mass-Effect-2-DLC-Bonanza-1-2] / Red Dead Redemption [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.201344-Caffeine-Red-Dead-Redemption] / Final Fantasy VIII retrospective [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.185358-Caffeine-Final-Fantasy-VIII] / Modern Warfare II, and the making of Caffeine [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.161600] / Final Fantasy Double Feature [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.158465] / Resident Evil 4 Retrospective [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.148447#3440710] / Mass Effect [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.145571#3296970] / Final Fantasy: Dissidea [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.144913#3266704] / Metal Gear Solid Twin Snakes [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.140353#3149506] / Far Cry 2 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.139317#3129015] / Street Fighter IV [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.136868#3079685]
Other: My Cat, part II [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.275677-Caffeine-a-Review-of-my-Cat-part-II] / The sinister nature of Viva Pinata [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.271711-Caffeine-Viva-Pinata-ban-this-sick-filth] / The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z double feature [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.169416] / A Review of Society, via Call of Duty 4 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.151891] / A review of My Cat [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.146281#3332788]
The Knuckleduster : Mass Effect 2 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.182033-Pimppeter2-and-Domble-present-The-Knuckleduster-Mass-Effect-2] / The Trial of Society, via Modern Warfare II [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.204216-Pimppeter2-Domble-present-The-Knuckleduster-The-Trial-of-Society-via-Modern-Warfare-II]
Game: Dead Space 2 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.288684-Caffeine-Dead-Space-2] / Crysis 2 multiplayer] / Fallout: New Vegas + Dead Money [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.286596-Caffeine-Crysis-2-Multiplayer] / Metro 2033 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.270445-Caffeine-Metro-2033] / Resident Evil 5 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.222184-Caffeine-Resident-Evil-5-and-a-few-words-on-racism] / ME2 DLC Bonanza! [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.216231-Caffeine-Mass-Effect-2-DLC-Bonanza-1-2] / Red Dead Redemption [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.201344-Caffeine-Red-Dead-Redemption] / Final Fantasy VIII retrospective [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.185358-Caffeine-Final-Fantasy-VIII] / Modern Warfare II, and the making of Caffeine [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.161600] / Final Fantasy Double Feature [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.158465] / Resident Evil 4 Retrospective [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.148447#3440710] / Mass Effect [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.145571#3296970] / Final Fantasy: Dissidea [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.144913#3266704] / Metal Gear Solid Twin Snakes [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.140353#3149506] / Far Cry 2 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.139317#3129015] / Street Fighter IV [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.136868#3079685]
Other: My Cat, part II [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.275677-Caffeine-a-Review-of-my-Cat-part-II] / The sinister nature of Viva Pinata [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.271711-Caffeine-Viva-Pinata-ban-this-sick-filth] / The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z double feature [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.169416] / A Review of Society, via Call of Duty 4 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.151891] / A review of My Cat [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.146281#3332788]
The Knuckleduster : Mass Effect 2 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.182033-Pimppeter2-and-Domble-present-The-Knuckleduster-Mass-Effect-2] / The Trial of Society, via Modern Warfare II [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.204216-Pimppeter2-Domble-present-The-Knuckleduster-The-Trial-of-Society-via-Modern-Warfare-II]
