Ok, so first off, yes I know this is a oft discussed topic. But I was wondering what people thought about one particular facet of it, and if people are interested in discussing it, so be it. If you personally aren't, fine, but can we please not have a bunch of complaints that this is "another Friendzone thread" please? No one forced you here. Second, this is also a topic subject to alot of debate, so I request everyone keep things classy, and please don't let this devolve into a shouting match of insults.
So, that out of the way, I have a single question on the concept of the "friendzone". Now, there is generally in discussion on this topic, alot of complaints about misogyny and entitlement, and that "nice guys" are either pathetic losers too blind to see they are being used or manipulative bastards who feel entitled to sex for not being a scumbag. But this tends to show up even when the term friendzone isn't really being applied in that context. Why can't we simply use the term "friendzone" to describe a situation? Its a useful term, it doesn't need to come with excess baggage. If one person feels romantically for a friend of their and the other does not reciprocate, but does wish to continue being friends, then "friendzone" is a accurate description of that situation. And it is frustrating, and maddening, and depressing, and confusing and it sucks, and we can address that and understand it, it doesn't need to come with all this baggage.
Just because douchebags and misogynists use a word, doesn't mean we need to associate said word with them. If there was back-lash against words every time a douchebag co-opted their use their would be few words left in the english language. Also, on the subject of misogyny, why does the term need to be gendered in the first place? A female friend of mine used to have a crush on me. When this was semi-accidently revealed by a mutual friend of ours I told her I really liked her, but that I wasn't really interested in her romantically, but wanted to continue our friendship unaltered. When I confessed my crush on a different female friend, basically the exact same thing happened. Why should the situations be distinguished because of gender?
So, can we all just please use the word to mean one-way romantic feelings between friends, respect the utility of the term, and drop the extra baggage and implications that tend to come with it?
So, that out of the way, I have a single question on the concept of the "friendzone". Now, there is generally in discussion on this topic, alot of complaints about misogyny and entitlement, and that "nice guys" are either pathetic losers too blind to see they are being used or manipulative bastards who feel entitled to sex for not being a scumbag. But this tends to show up even when the term friendzone isn't really being applied in that context. Why can't we simply use the term "friendzone" to describe a situation? Its a useful term, it doesn't need to come with excess baggage. If one person feels romantically for a friend of their and the other does not reciprocate, but does wish to continue being friends, then "friendzone" is a accurate description of that situation. And it is frustrating, and maddening, and depressing, and confusing and it sucks, and we can address that and understand it, it doesn't need to come with all this baggage.
Just because douchebags and misogynists use a word, doesn't mean we need to associate said word with them. If there was back-lash against words every time a douchebag co-opted their use their would be few words left in the english language. Also, on the subject of misogyny, why does the term need to be gendered in the first place? A female friend of mine used to have a crush on me. When this was semi-accidently revealed by a mutual friend of ours I told her I really liked her, but that I wasn't really interested in her romantically, but wanted to continue our friendship unaltered. When I confessed my crush on a different female friend, basically the exact same thing happened. Why should the situations be distinguished because of gender?
So, can we all just please use the word to mean one-way romantic feelings between friends, respect the utility of the term, and drop the extra baggage and implications that tend to come with it?
