can't stand up for myself

[Zerstiren]

I had bullies during junior high, who were bigger and stronger than my rotund 5'6" stature. They would push me around, wrestle me to the ground, and I couldn't do anything--I tried once, and that didn't do anything.

I'm 26 now, and though it doesn't consume my every waking thought, when I'm by myself, the memories creep back. I couldn't hold my own ground in a fight, even if I were trained, because I'm shorter than the average Joe. Even though the chances of me ever getting assaulted again are slim to none, I fantasize about it happening, and how helpless I am. I will never acquire weapons for mindless rampage "self defense." I just want to know if it's okay to take a hit and not fight back.

 

[Jux]

I would say this is less an issue of being able to defend oneself and more of a self confidence issue. Do you have problems asserting yourself? I say it sounds like a confidence issue because you state that you wouldn't be able to hold your ground even if you were trained. This implies you are not trained. Training and the ability to calmly assess a situation will do far more for you in a fight than being 6'2" and having 30 inch biceps.

 

[Eclipse Dragon]

You need to build up your self confidence.

Strangely enough, training can help you do that.
Don't look at your size as a disadvantage, I spent six years in martial arts and I'm very short (5 foot exactly)
more often than naught, my size gave me an advantage, because I was a much smaller target to hit than the bigger people.

 

[Batou667]

I just want to know if it's okay to take a hit and not fight back.

I think you've answered your own question: no, it's clearly not ok to be a doormat, because unless you're some kind of masochist it's not nice.

I got my fair share of bullying at school too and I was always one of the biggest and tallest kids, so trust me, physical size doesn't matter. Runty little short-assed kids used to pick on me because bullying is never a fair, one-on-one fight: I could have mopped the floor with that one kid, but what about all his friends, and his older brother, and his brother's friends.

Like the poster above said, self-confidence is more important that being 6'5" or having a chest like a barrel and arms like tree trunks. However - physical fitness and a bit of fighting ability can be a great catalyst for gaining some self-confidence. Back when I was 18 I took up karate and started working out, and I'd definitely point to that as a turning moment in my life and a change for the better with regards to my self-esteem and self-confidence. It didn't turn me into some swaggering meathead - I've still never once been in a "real" fight, and I'm still naturally fairly introverted, just not the cripplingly shy recluse I once was.

But, if you want to feel a bit better about yourself, I think you could do much worse than starting a bit of regular physical exercise. The feeling of pushing yourself and being the boss of your own body is very empowering.

 

[Jamash]

I couldn't hold my own ground in a fight, even if I were trained, because I'm shorter than the average Joe.

That's not true.

With the right training in the right martial art, being 5'6" shouldn't be a disadvantage (and in some cases, a lower centre of gravity would be a advantage).

There are plenty of successful professional martial artists who are 5'6" and their height has never held them back, e.g. Nan Pham, Robbie Oliver.

Jigoro Kano, the founder of Judo, was himself only 5'2" and the person who taught him Jujitsu was even shorter - 5'0", so obviously height isn't an obstacle to being able to defend yourself with the correct training... hell if being short was really an obstacle to being a good fighter regardless of any amount of training, then Japan wouldn't have spawned the martial arts it has.

Now I'm not suggesting that you become a martial arts master, but with training you can easily become a confident and competent fighter fully able to defend himself, despite "only" being 5'6".

It sounds to me like you just lack confidence and you're using your height as an excuse not to even bother trying to better your situation, but if you really want to be able to stand up for yourself and have confidence, then you could easily achieve that confidence and competence by training in a good martial art and improving your fitness.

Judo is a good martial art to learn, since it will increase your fitness, toughness and confidence (as all practice is full contact), plus your shorter stature and lower centre of gravity will be an advantage as lots of the techniques involve using your opponents height, mass and energy against them.

 

[Friendly Lich]

Buy a gun its the great equalizer. Those big guys will turn into cowards when they see you have one.

 

[White Lightning]

Buy a gun its the great equalizer. Those big guys will turn into cowards when they see you have one.

Yeah I'm with this guy.

 

[Batou667]

Buy a gun its the great equalizer. Those big guys will turn into cowards when they see you have one.

And how will this help OP stand up to a pushy boss at work? Or to tell the cashier that he was short-changed? Or to approach women at a party?

A gun is good for one thing: shooting stuff.

 

[bigwon]

Need to find out what you want to do in life. No bullshit, just cutting to the chase and discovering what you want to accomplish with your time here.

everything else will fall into place, given the right goal the steps you take will feel more like an adventure then an amount of dead time grinding for experience. Having something worthwhile to work towards (not just something superficial) will do heaps in improving your confidence. It'll give you the power to confront yourself, which appears to be your strongest enemy at the moment.

 

[Jarsh82]

I think you have trained yourself to be socially subservient. Your projecting your social weakness into a physical one because that would be easier to fix. You can become a strong person without being aggressive. You should ask yourself what your goals and values are and concentrate on attaining/strengthening those. Self-confidence comes with knowing who you are and being comfortable with that. You'll never gain self-confidence by training if your goal is to project an image of strength to others because your view of yourself will still be dependant on the view other people have of you.