[CAUTION: FACTS] RETORT: Earth 2,000 Years Old, Dinosaur Confirms - Update

[Corbe Retort]

<a href=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1kqqMXWEFs>RETORT: Earth confirmed to be 2,000 years old after new Dinosaur Discovery

Dinosaur bones found within the Pyramids reveal further evidence supporting previous theory.

UPDATE: Following a number of comments made by <a href=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/profiles/view/Tayh>Newt Gingrich himself, I've had to change the headline to reflect the pertinent atmosphere surrounding these Facts. I attempted to reach Newt for a response, but he departed on his space Lambrogini right as I made it to his Space White House. We aren't sure yet if the recent development of the <a href=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.860307-REPORT-US-to-Nuke-Moon-For-Real-This-Time>U.S. deciding to nuke the moon will have any impact on his run for Space President in 2025.

Original Story:
As we all know, the age of the Earth, much alike to the Moon being made of cheese and <a href=http://i2.cdn.turner.com/money/2012/01/27/pf/newt_gingrich_moon_colony/newt-on-the-moon-2.gi.ju.top.jpg>lived on by Newt Gingrich, has been known for at least 20 centuries since history was invented. But these agenda-pushers at "science-land" have been promising the astronomical idea that our home has been around long before us. Now, I'm no expert in science, but I've got a doctorate in truth. Why would there be a planet with crop-circles from aliens, and no one to see them? Check-mate, science.

A newly found operating room has been discovered within the Egyptian Pyramids containing a primitive stasis chamber which is now confirmed by a local anthropological group - <a href=http://cdn.thewire.com/media/old_wire/img/upload/2013/04/02/LizardMan/lead_large.jpg>the Luxor Interface and Zoo-ology for Anthropology and Rediscovery Dormitory - to contain ancient reptilian remains. Through the use of approved methods of <a href=http://wiki.teamliquid.net/starcraft/images2/thumb/c/c1/Tastosis.png/350px-Tastosis.png>"tastiography", it has now been realized that these sealed cylinders were made with the intent to preserve life to our time, and the saline solution within was used as a way to dissuade microbial invasions from contaminating the precious cargo. These early images show what these containers appear as:

Spoiler: Salty yet, Science?

Now, as we know through history as retold by the biblical records, there was an event that occurred long ago which would warrant the use of this technology in preservation of life. Hint: it wasn't Comedy Central bringing back Futurama for its last season.

Spoiler: Warning: excess history

That's right, the Arc. And since we know Noah was real, there is only one thing that he could have been: a dinosaur. Think about it; We have found these reptilian chicken-wing bones scattered everywhere throughout the world, and these so-called "science-tists" keep insisting that we came from monkeys, well guess what: If Noah was building an arc and putting one of every animal on board, we sure know who didn't make the cut. And what did he use to "dissuade invaders from contaminating the precious cargo"? The Ocean. You know what the ocean is made of? Salt Water (and <a href=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/9.860260-BROKEN-NEWS-New-Study-Claims-62-of-Gamers-are-Actually-Dolphins#21376433>Dolphins). Think about it.
Besides, the evidence is all there when you read the bible; and I quote:

"And so Noah did look upon the sea as it enveloped his brethren, and said: '****, I forgot the Pterodactyl, guess I'll have to use this AK-47'" - Matthewsaurus Rex, 11:4

So when you start considering things like carbon-dating and conventional science, just remember who God had used to bring you here; he may have been a Dinosaur.

This has been the Corbe Retort, bringing you real, organic news: deep-fried in Freedom and wrapped in Justice.

Source: <a href=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.857393-Escapist-Illuminati#21247114>Not Taco News

 

[Tayh]

Couldn't you guys start using a tag in the topic, like [Pretend-News] or [SILLY], for these kinds of topics?
That way people might avoid being disappointed when they see the topic and think it to be serious.

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

Couldn't you guys start using a tag in the topic, like [Pretend-News] or [SILLY], for these kinds of topics?
That way people might avoid being disappointed when they see the topic and think it to be serious.

You saw the headline 'Earth 2,000 years old, dinosaur confirms', and wondered if it might be serious?

 

[Colour Scientist]

Couldn't you guys start using a tag in the topic, like [Pretend-News] or [SILLY], for these kinds of topics?
That way people might avoid being disappointed when they see the topic and think it to be serious.

You saw the headline 'Earth 2,000 years old, dinosaur confirms', and wondered if it might be serious?

Are you trying to say that dinosaurs are liars?

 

[davidmc1158_v1legacy]

Couldn't you guys start using a tag in the topic, like [Pretend-News] or [SILLY], for these kinds of topics?
That way people might avoid being disappointed when they see the topic and think it to be serious.

You saw the headline 'Earth 2,000 years old, dinosaur confirms', and wondered if it might be serious?

Given that there seem to be no less than 16 creationist museums in the United States, it could be considered something of a valid concern.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creationist_museum

Also, having worked in the same office as a YEC, I can attest to at least a few people thinking the headline is for a real story. Thankfully, the OP was over-the-top enough that the joke should be obvious. . . . . but some people I have met never seem to be able to sense a joke unless it is applied to their forehead with a sledgehammer.

Which generally breaks the hammer.

 

[davidmc1158_v1legacy]

Couldn't you guys start using a tag in the topic, like [Pretend-News] or [SILLY], for these kinds of topics?
That way people might avoid being disappointed when they see the topic and think it to be serious.

You saw the headline 'Earth 2,000 years old, dinosaur confirms', and wondered if it might be serious?

Are you trying to say that dinosaurs are liars?

Not only are they liars, they stack the deck when playing poker and always hunt online for the cheat codes for video games.

 

[Tayh]

Couldn't you guys start using a tag in the topic, like [Pretend-News] or [SILLY], for these kinds of topics?
That way people might avoid being disappointed when they see the topic and think it to be serious.

You saw the headline 'Earth 2,000 years old, dinosaur confirms', and wondered if it might be serious?

I have seen worse(and/or sillier) here on the Escapist.
There is a lot of people who legitimately think the world is only a few thousand years old.

 

[Colour Scientist]

Couldn't you guys start using a tag in the topic, like [Pretend-News] or [SILLY], for these kinds of topics?
That way people might avoid being disappointed when they see the topic and think it to be serious.

You saw the headline 'Earth 2,000 years old, dinosaur confirms', and wondered if it might be serious?

I have seen worse(and/or sillier) here on the Escapist.
There is a lot of people who legitimately think the world is only a few thousand years old.

See, that's what it wants people to think because it's embarrassed about its age.

 

[llamastorm.games]

Couldn't you guys start using a tag in the topic, like [Pretend-News] or [SILLY], for these kinds of topics?
That way people might avoid being disappointed when they see the topic and think it to be serious.

If you have to point out that something like this is a joke then it becomes very unfunny as a great deal of the comedy comes from idiots thinking it's genuine

 

[Asita]

Couldn't you guys start using a tag in the topic, like [Pretend-News] or [SILLY], for these kinds of topics?
That way people might avoid being disappointed when they see the topic and think it to be serious.

You saw the headline 'Earth 2,000 years old, dinosaur confirms', and wondered if it might be serious?

Are you trying to say that dinosaurs are liars?

Well I for one would never be so insulting as to say that. It's far more diplomatic to say that dinosaurs simply have a congenital aversion to the truth. *sagenod*