Confidence Booster

[Exmigrant]

Hello Fellow Escapists,

I feel like this might sound like a pity party. As I enter my 5th year at college knowing that all my friends from prior years have graduated and moved on I can't help but feel like this year is going to suck. Having no true friends to room with I've moved back home and am going to remain here for the year until I graduate. Being in this scenario I find my self reflecting about life and just realize how much it sucks. Never had a relationship with a significant other, I'm not in the best of shape(I'll safely say I'm husky). and now finding myself friendless.

Over the course of my childhood/teenage years I've constantly moved around which caused me to not really try to form friendships with others knowing that they wont really last. And by not creating stronger friendships I seemed to have developed trust issues whereby I find myself bottling my emotions.

Any friends I do make, I find myself acting as "the responsible one" you know the guy who always feels the urge to play the voice of reason. And with some of the people I've hung out with It gets really tiresome and makes me come off as a bore.

Sorry for making this seem like a rant, but I feel like I had to tell someone and who better then an anonymous group of people who can be respectful.


TLR : Due to a series of personal characteristics/decisions, I'm currently undergoing a self-confidence deficiency, and knowing that I'm not the only one to experience this feeling I pose a question.

"What do you do to boost yourself up when your self-confidence is low?"

Preferably something more helpful then "drinking and drugs"

 

[Biosophilogical]

If that's the case then going "I just need a pick-me-up" isn't going to do anything. From what you've said, the issue is a systematic one relating to your social interactions. The solution is to go outside your comfort zone and make an effort to do things differently from now on. Sure, it may feel awkward or weird, but you need to find something that works, and even just knowing that you have a goal can sometimes be all the confidence boost someone needs to get back on their feet, which in turn leads to making progress on the goal, which leads to more self-confidence, which eventually leads to success or a re-evaluation that makes you realise "This isn't the way to go, but I'm glad I did it anyway because it helped me grow as a person".

So take a deep breath, watch a funny movie, listen to an upbeat song, and when you next go to school, smile, or say hi, in a friendly yet non-invasive way. And next time someone goes to do something stupid, hold back that voice of reason, and just make sure they don't kill themselves.

EDIT: To answer your question, I secretly mope for a few days, eat bad food, then nut up and make an effort. Just doing something is normally enough to break through most of the down-times.

 

[Les Awesome]

Hang out with my two best friends Ben and Jerry

 

[Kodachi]

Hmm sounds a lot like myself... hits a little too close to home for my comfort xD. I moved for university, thus abandoning my high school friends while making very few in my time at university.

I always thought of it this way. The "soberman" as many call it, the responsible voice of reason guy, is usually well loved in the workplace. Even a small part time job can fill you with an enormous amount of self worth as others will begin to look up to you and appreciate your high level of ethics.

On the digital spectrum, don't neglect your gamer communities! Anyone who tells you Steam friends or clan mates don't count as friends clearly don't stay involved enough to gain anything from them. Honestly, one of my best friends is a Belgian I met in game a year ago and the small gamer communities (such as the folks from your favorite TF2 server) almost seem to feel like the cliche from "Cheers" when everybody yells "Kodachi!"

Branching off from the above, depending on your online popularity, I led a clan for a while (still technically do I guess, just less involved), and I really enjoyed it. I was working hard for people I cared about and could see they appreciated the efforts.

This was just some of the things I did socially to feel good. Yea, I still get lonely but as said above:

I secretly mope for a few days, eat bad food, then nut up and make an effort. Just doing something is normally enough to break through most of the down-times.

Just take some "me-time". It's not just for girls anymore =D. Do the stuff you want to do, regardless of whether it includes others. As I said, I get lonely myself sometimes but I realize the high value of privacy as well. Being alone isn't so bad all the time.

 

[Exmigrant]

-snip-

i'm also in the same situation (more or less)that's why i came here hoping to find the answer to that question myself.i'm seriously to depressed to the point i take medication(bi-polar diagnosis)was going to make a similar thread myself.

Seems the best solution is to take time out of your day/make time and just relax and do something you truly enjoy. I've been shifting into video game mode and it offers a distraction if nothing else.

 

[Dango]

This might sound odd, but watching this always made me feel a bit better:

I went through something pretty similar throughout the course of the last 6 months or so. The best advice I can give is stop caring what people think of you, be yourself, and try to see things exclusively through your own point of view for a while. Just get your own thoughts in order before worrying about everyone else's.

 

[FalloutJack]

-An interesting question-

Well, for starters I don't really go for second-guessing myself too much. But on the occasions in where I do, I feel that there is more a trouble in not trying than worrying about failure. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. That's how it goes sometimes. You have to roll with it.

 

[werty10089]

You're best off exploring, give in to your curiosity. Try eating at a fancy restaurant, or urinating on the front porch of someone you don't like that much. Confidence is about doing what you want, when you want. And stop taking meds, that shit's a scam.

 

[emeraldrafael]

To pick myself up, I always listen to AiC. I dont know really why it makes me happy, but it does. So does Smashing Pumpkins.

Other then that, I dont know.

 

[Chappy]

When I was doing last year in college on my degree all my friends had left as well and I was/am also staying at home you'll find it's not going to be nearly as bad as you think it is new social groups will form with new friends as well as your old friends + If your lucky like me you might get a free steak.

A good idea might be to join a gym if you are concerned about being in the best shape added bonus of boosting your confidence also so give it a try, also have you any hobbies centers or clubs nearby you might be interested in joining? This might be a good time to have a look if you want to make new friends.

I wouldn't worry about appearing as a bore for being responsible someone has to be and it keeps you out a trouble or doing stupid things.

Honestly though good for confidence boosting? Exercise and feels good.

 

[Xaio30]

Load up your music player/phone and go out and walk for an hour or two while digging your favorite music! It gets the blood flowing and lets you think about something else for a while.

And that's the secret, really.
The less you think about being depressed, the better you feel.

I read the question wrong.
I usually try to recall as many of my accomplishments as possible and spend a time feeling proud of them. Anything, from learning something new about programming, to holding a welcoming session for the freshmen of my school.

 

[Blue2]

Load up your music player/phone and go out and walk for an hour or two while digging your favorite music! It gets the blood flowing and lets you think about something else for a while.

This above and think of something(s) you know you are great at (sports, reading, writing, Video games, etc) and just do them. not only it boosts up your Confidence, it can better your skills also.

 

[Rooster893]

I don't care if you don't watch WWE or anything like that; just watch.

<youtube=ybja2T3K6qw>

This is my life code, and for good reason; I was deeply inspired by this speech. You're very welcome.

 

[Ambi]

Maybe someday you'll find a group or a person who you'll "click" with and not have to feel like a bore. Some people will make you feel more confident, others will not. Sometimes when people don't get along well it can mean their attitudes are flawed somehow, but a lot of the time it just means they have different interests or outlooks or whatever. How do you play the "voice of reason" if you don't mind me asking?

What helps me is caffeine, exercise, and talking to people. Also, I find that when I'm not doing something, it's very easy to feel irrationally apprehensive of things. I don't like talking to strangers on the phone, I don't like getting ready to go out, I don't like the prospect of menial work, I don't like the prospect of writing essays for uni, I don't like the prospect of doing other work, making decisions is hard, doesn't matter if I put things off, everything is kind of boring... no, no no, the only reason I feel like that sometimes is because not doing any of those things has decreased my confidence and as soon as I start doing stuff, providing I don't screw them up, I'll get into the rhythm of things and feel okay. At least with every experience, you're increasing your ability to empathise with others and not take things for granted.

Skip to 4:03, "I Can't Do Anything".
Sing the lyrics sarcastically, it might help you feel better. You can do things, do them.

 

[Delsana]

This will sound ridiculously... well everything but when I was lost... I found that getting naked around a campfire with some cigars and just chilling back and chatting with some other guy friends (we were all naked) was the best thing I've experienced so far...

I'm not perverse or anything, but it really took me out of my comfort zone and that made me adapt.

---

When that isn't available, friends usually come into play, and if that's not available... working out.