Dating a co-worker (but I work at a topless bar)

[Grey_Focks]

Now let me explain why this is discussion worthy. We work at a topless bar, she a bartender, me a barback/cook. I'm 20, she's 26. Now, I'm fine with the age difference, as I've always gone towards more mature women anyway. That's all fine and dandy. Now one complication is that she has a child, a 9-month old boy, to be exact. The father was apparently a dead-beat, and left her as soon as the kid was born, and he doesn't pay child support.

Now, if it matters, this woman is very attractive, and if not for the baby, I wouldn't be thinking twice. Then again, if not for the baby I sincerely doubt she'd be available. I know if I were to start dating her I'd also start to have some sort of responsibility for the kid (maybe?). Now I'm only 20 and know as much about parenting as I do about rocket science, and I really don't know what to expect.

So Escapists, if you were in my shoes, what would you do? If your wondering, I also have no trouble dating co-workers, and the owner and manager wouldn't have problems with it, either. Though there is also the issue of exactly WHERE we work, you know, a bar where women walk around with their breasts out, which if you haven't guessed, is a bit distracting.

 

[ohgodalex]

Do you have any experience with children whatsoever? I can't believe that she'd expect you to act as anything but a responsible adult around the kid until you two get closer.

And besides, parenting isn't rocket science, so you can probably pick it up without losing as significant a portion of your soul.

 

[Marter]

I personally wouldn't care if she had a kid or where she worked. If you two connect, then you should at least give it a chance.

 

[Mr Metzger]

I don't know why you had to mention that you both work at a topless bar.

 

[Johnnyallstar]

I don't know why you had to mention that you both work at a topless bar.

You came to the thread for the exact same reason I did. You saw "topless" in the title.

But as to the OP, here's my question. Can you love her enough to love her child as well? Honestly, when raising a child, it's hard, but not impossible. And is it worth the sacrifice of your freedom to be with her?

Hard questions, I know, but they are the ones you need to ask yourself.

 

[Low Key]

If you are a responsible adult, that's all you really need to be around kids. It rubs off on them. You just have to deal with the fact that you'll be #2 in her life. If you can do that, it will work out.

 

[Mr Metzger]

I don't know why you had to mention that you both work at a topless bar.

You came to the thread for the exact same reason I did. You saw "topless" in the title.

But as to the OP, here's my question. Can you love her enough to love her child as well? Honestly, when raising a child, it's hard, but not impossible. And is it worth the sacrifice of your freedom to be with her?

Hard questions, I know, but they are the ones you need to ask yourself.

Well the word topless did take me to this post and I'm not going to lie about that lol.

And I just realised that I will be 20 in a few weeks and the idea of taking care of a child is just mind boggling to me

 

[Yostbeef]

Go for it your not married its not your kid you not obligated to do anything.Be careful though I dated a woman with two kids and i ended up falling in love with them we weren't right for each other and had to go our separate ways but letting go of those kids was really hard for me.

 

[King_Julian]

are you crazy! your 20 man, take it from me, am 20 to and i just finished a relationship dat lasted 6 years. get out and njoy life while your young, dont get stuck with a woman yet. i didn't listen when i was told that same thing.

 

[child of lileth]

I'm just going to add to the possible taking care of the baby part in the OP.

I knew a girl in high school that had a kid, so based on how she treated the situation with guys she dated, yes, she will probably expect you to help support her kid, even though he's not yours. It might not be financially, but she will most likely expect you to be there for him, and so on. Just be ready for that to be a possibility.

 

[Grey_Focks]

I don't know why you had to mention that you both work at a topless bar.

Because I wanted people to actually read my topic, and using a sleezy trick seemed appropriate.

I personally wouldn't care if she had a kid or where she worked. If you two connect, then you should at least give it a chance.

You see, I agree, but her having a kid is something you HAVE to care about. It's something that plays a major part in her life, and if we were to start dating, it would inevitably play a major part in MY life as well, and I just don't know how to get my head around that. I do like her quite a bit, I don't know if I "love" her, and I don't know what to expect. I suppose I could just ask her out, go out once or twice and see if I like her enough, but that kid is really the wild card in all this.

 

[Marter]

I personally wouldn't care if she had a kid or where she worked. If you two connect, then you should at least give it a chance.

You see, I agree, but her having a kid is something you HAVE to care about. It's something that plays a major part in her life, and if we were to start dating, it would inevitably play a major part in MY life as well, and I just don't know how to get my head around that. I do like her quite a bit, I don't know if I "love" her, and I don't know what to expect. I suppose I could just ask her out, go out once or twice and see if I like her enough, but that kid is really the wild card in all this.

At the beginning of the relationship, the child won't play a major part. She certainly will not rely on you to take care of it or support it. It's only if the relationship gets really serious that that should happen.

I say at least ask her out and see how you connect with her.

Good luck!

 

[Grey_Focks]

know as much about parenting as I do about rocket science.

Well do you know allot about rocket science?

Well taking responsibility for a child over looks is a dipshit move.

And lets get real here, she works at a topless bar.

her being hot is just part of the reason why I like her. I could go into detail about how we actually do seem to connect, but I see no point. And yes, she does work at a topless bar as a bartender. Fully clothed. We make fun of the dancers together, it's fun.

 

[Mr Metzger]

I don't know why you had to mention that you both work at a topless bar.

Because I wanted people to actually read my topic, and using a sleezy trick seemed appropriate.

Well it worked on me lol

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

My tip to you? Make up your own mind. No matter what is suggested here, it is really your decision. You have to consider the implications of becoming a father figure.

Myself? I would do it if we truly connected. I'm good with kids.

 

[s0denone]

All you need to care about is the chick. The kid is 9-months old, what is he going to do? Cry about it?

If you like the woman enough to even consider entering the relationship regardless of the child, I'd say go for it. I've turned down the possiblity of a relationship on those grounds myself: If you're in another place in your life, or feel you want to give the woman a chance so badly... Go for it!

If you break up in 3 months, then so be it.

Also, about the kid - he's in a really bothersome age, but there are still two possiblities:

a) Woman expect you to take some care of the child. That would be annoying.
or alternatively
b) Woman will not expect anything from you, since she knows you are just 20 and probably haven't been thinking about having kids at this point.

b) is most likely, and most favorable. She will not ask you to do anything, so when you decide to lend a hand she'll most likely reward you with sex(or at the very least warmer emotions). Every time.

You will need to explain

Then again, if not for the baby I sincerely doubt she'd be available.

To me.
What do you mean by this? That she wouldn't have you, or simply that she would already be taken by someone else?

 

[Grey_Focks]

I don't know why you had to mention that you both work at a topless bar.

Because I wanted people to actually read my topic, and using a sleezy trick seemed appropriate.

Well it worked on me lol

and in your own way or just replying to my replys, you've bumped the topic, kept it on the first page, and perhaps lead to someone reading it. thanks!

I personally wouldn't care if she had a kid or where she worked. If you two connect, then you should at least give it a chance.

You see, I agree, but her having a kid is something you HAVE to care about. It's something that plays a major part in her life, and if we were to start dating, it would inevitably play a major part in MY life as well, and I just don't know how to get my head around that. I do like her quite a bit, I don't know if I "love" her, and I don't know what to expect. I suppose I could just ask her out, go out once or twice and see if I like her enough, but that kid is really the wild card in all this.

At the beginning of the relationship, the child won't play a major part. She certainly will not rely on you to take care of it or support it. It's only if the relationship gets really serious that that should happen.

I say at least ask her out and see how you connect with her.

Good luck!

Yea, that's really what I've been thinking. I figure I atleast get a few dates free without having to worry about the kid. Thanks.

 

[Johnnyallstar]

I don't know why you had to mention that you both work at a topless bar.

You came to the thread for the exact same reason I did. You saw "topless" in the title.

But as to the OP, here's my question. Can you love her enough to love her child as well? Honestly, when raising a child, it's hard, but not impossible. And is it worth the sacrifice of your freedom to be with her?

Hard questions, I know, but they are the ones you need to ask yourself.

Well the word topless did take me to this post and I'm not going to lie about that lol.

And I just realised that I will be 20 in a few weeks and the idea of taking care of a child is just mind boggling to me

My parents had 2 kids while my father was working out of state, and my mother was busy with surgeries, both hers and grandparents. I was 11, my sister 12, and we basically raised them. It's not as hard as it seems, but it is difficult to get the hang of at first.