Dating advice- Need help looking.

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Lock-Os

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Mar 28, 2012
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The good news to start with is that I've gotten past a lot of the trouble of working up the confidence to ask girls out, and it wasn't hard to do, granted, It's been a stream of rejections, but I can live with that.

The bad news is I can't find any more girls.

I started seriously looking last year in the fall, when classes started at my new college. The two years before I was in tech school and both my Major and the School were nearly all men, and the women were all much older and... Yeah, let's not talk about it. I could have asked the guys in my class for help, sure, but with near-constant talk of strip clubs and questionable life choices, I doubted it would go well.

While I did find people over the last few months, I have to admit it's not really been that fruitful. While the people at anime club are at least nice, they are also fairly insular, and since I commute and don't share any classes with them, they bonded while I drifted to the outside of the club. I have to start all the conversations with them and even as a club officer I felt out of the loop more often then not. Also, two of the girls I liked were lesbians who were dating each other and the other girl I did like was busy with school and work-study. Otherwise, I did meet one other girl and she was a lot of fun to talk to and things at least on my end were clicking, but again, she was busy with school and work. I've also joined clubs on Meetup, but they consist of a lot of older people, and the girls, if any, are married.

So that is were I stand, I would ask my friends for help, but my close ones are all online and across the world. Granted, I do go to an RP group, and if I stretch my definition of friend they, along with few others, can be considered friends. Otherwise, I think I've run out of options as far finding girls goes. I've looked in the places people recommend for geeky people, like hobby stores and comic book stores, but I have yet to see a single female, EVER in such places, and more often than not, run into old men all the time. I'm going to ask my RP group, but considering how they talk about paying child support and how many of them are much older, my hopes aren't that high.

So the second question would be places to meet girls overall. But more importantly, where they want to talk. I know the response should be anywhere, but it seems like a lot of the time when I try to talk to people I get ignored even when it feels natural to talk.

So, the big question is then, should I indiscriminately ask all my 'friends' for help, and since I want to look in person, where to look
 

Sandernista

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Feb 26, 2009
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Do you live near a large city? (Or even a medium sized one?) There are tons of groups that you can get with outside of your university. Book clubs are really great, drum circles, biking clubs always have tons of women, chess etc.

You could also ask this girl for help too! Generally women know other women (shocking!) and if you guys clicked, she might at least have a positive impression of you.

Also! Do not approach women in stores, it's pretty creepy and inappropriate. Unless it's some event at the store she's there shopping, not looking for a man.
 

manic_depressive13

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Dec 28, 2008
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I'm not sure what I can suggest. If you simply can't find girls your age in the places you frequent, trying out a dating site is nothing to be ashamed of. Most of the people on dating sites are just normal people in the same situation as you.

How old are you anyway? To be perfectly honest, you sound a bit desperate. Just relax. Instead of getting your hopes up every time you encounter a friendly girl, why not just wait until you meet someone you really get along with? You seem to be jumping at anyone in your age group who is willing to talk to you. It's possible that your desperation is obvious, hence the reason these girls are finding themselves far too busy to hang out with you. It's a bit weird to get asked out by someone who barely knows you, after all.
 

artanis_neravar

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Apr 18, 2011
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Hafrael said:
Do you live near a large city? (Or even a medium sized one?) There are tons of groups that you can get with outside of your university. Book clubs are really great, drum circles, biking clubs always have tons of women, chess etc.

You could also ask this girl for help too! Generally women know other women (shocking!) and if you guys clicked, she might at least have a positive impression of you.

Also! Do not approach women in stores, it's pretty creepy and inappropriate. Unless it's some event at the store she's there shopping, not looking for a man.
And what if, for example, you live in a city that is more dangerous than 96% of the cities in the US?

Other than that, this is very good advice, listen to it.
 

Smooth Operator

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Oct 5, 2010
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Well I got a fool proof plan, key ingredients:
- chocolate
- rope
- van
- sound insulated basement

But if you don't like jail you should just hang out with other people, i.e. go to social events make friends (male or female) and they will get you into more social events.
Also oddly enough it is easier to get a date when not actively pursuing them, it is very easy to slide into that desperation zone where no girl would want to touch you with a ten foot pole.
 

BloatedGuppy

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Feb 3, 2010
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Lock-Os said:
So, the big question is then, should I indiscriminately ask all my 'friends' for help, and since I want to look in person, where to look
To the internet! It's a dating site for you, chum. Really, it's VERY difficult to find someone compatible traveling only within your immediate social circles. The more obscure/esoteric your hobbies and values and the higher your standards, the more likely it is you're going to need to cast a wider net.

My last 5-6 girlfriends all came via dating sites, including the girl I'm with now, and it'll be 7 years with her this month. If I'd stuck only to co-workers and women I saw on a regular basis I'd still be single.
 

Sandernista

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Feb 26, 2009
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artanis_neravar said:
Hafrael said:
Do you live near a large city? (Or even a medium sized one?) There are tons of groups that you can get with outside of your university. Book clubs are really great, drum circles, biking clubs always have tons of women, chess etc.

You could also ask this girl for help too! Generally women know other women (shocking!) and if you guys clicked, she might at least have a positive impression of you.

Also! Do not approach women in stores, it's pretty creepy and inappropriate. Unless it's some event at the store she's there shopping, not looking for a man.
And what if, for example, you live in a city that is more dangerous than 96% of the cities in the US?

Other than that, this is very good advice, listen to it.
Even in some of the most dangerous cities there are nice areas, soz I don't think it's too much of a problem.

OP: Like BloatedGuppy said above, and something that totally slipped my mind, Dating sites are great for people with an extremely busy schedule! I commute to and from school as well, and it is a great tool for finding people you wouldn't meet in your circles but also (more importantly) finding people who are looking for a date!
 

Lock-Os

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Mar 28, 2012
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Some good advice here. Yeah, I've been trying, and making a few more friends in real life. I'd have to say though I'm shying away from school clubs and trying the internet route more. It's just that school ends and starts all the time, the internet is permanent and slightly older and established.

I'd also have to say the city is rather small itself, and a lot of the population is old.
 

Bellvedere

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Jul 31, 2008
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My best advise is that you should become involved in the things you enjoy. Regardless of how masculine or nerdy the activity might seem there's probably girls who enjoy it too.

Don't worry too much if you can't immediately see a girl that you fancy, new people can become involved, people can bring friends, ect. At the very worst you'll be doing something that you like. If your in an environment where you are confident and enjoying yourself, you'll seem much more attractive then say if you hate dancing and go out to a club to meet girls.

If your really looking for someone to see, then you could look into online dating. That way you'll be talking to people who are doing the exact same thing as you and there's less of a change of meeting people that are too busy to date or already in a relationship, or of the wrong orientation.

Also don't be too stressed about being single.
 

Lock-Os

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Mar 28, 2012
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Bellvedere said:
If your really looking for someone to see, then you could look into online dating. That way you'll be talking to people who are doing the exact same thing as you and there's less of a change of meeting people that are too busy to date or already in a relationship, or of the wrong orientation.

Also don't be too stressed about being single.
Yeah, started online dating, and looks promising. I'll admit, I was a bit stressed that I'm single, but mainly because I was getting nowhere even after spending several years of time looking. I feel a lot more relaxed now I can at least make some headway.