This game does not live up to its namesake. This is not because of a lack of weapons, or action, or bullets, for that matter. It's because I found myself hardly firing a shot, instead preferring to kick my enemies into a giant cactus, off a steep cliff, or into electrical wiring. If ever I've been so entertained with killing, this would hold top spot in the fun factor.
Bulletstorm is a first-person shooter developed by the creator of Painkiller, People Can Fly and the makers of Marcus and Dom's Adventure Through Wonderfulville 1, 2, and 3, Epic Games. The previews lauded this game as one of the first to truly reward the player for killing creatively using the weapons themselves, the environment, and the Kick-Leash function. So this traipse through a realm of violence will begin with the game's strongest point, it's gameplay.
Aiming and your standard firefight combat is run-of-the-mill and uninteresting, but this isn't a design flaw. It's not meant to be center stage in this blood symphony, oh no. The real treat to combat comes from using four different general aspects: The gun in your hands, the area immediately around you, the hook-and-pull tool called a Leash, and your size sixteen boot. You can keep track of your murderous imagination with Skill Shots, which includes is a very expansive list of all the ways you can mutilate your ill-prepared foes. From latching an explosive to some poor bastard and kicking him into his friends to blowing a man's testicles off and then executing him with a bullet to the brain, and maybe some sick combination of the two. The more varied and difficult these skill-kills are, the more skill points you get, which can be used to resupply your weapons and upgrade them. This system allows for a vast array of brutal deaths and adds to the replayability of the game. There is a wide degree of character control, and you'll never feel like the game itself takes any opportunities away from you.
This game is violent in nearly unspeakable, cringe-inducing ways. For the monster in us all, much joy and fun can be had with this, and there is an option for cutting the gore down in case there is someone of weak-hearted roots playing the game. Heads will roll, blood will run red down the streets, and your remarkably resilient enemies will die in terrible, painful ways. And it's physical violence nearly pales in comparison to the most profane script in existence. There is so much swearing that you'll wonder what kind of mental anguish they go through to not know any other words to say. For example:
"...try and follow me, and I will kill your dicks!"
Are you serious? It seems like the writers were just grasping for every dirty straw they could. The only thing that made this funny was the main characters reaction, which should be remarkably similar to your own the first time you hear it. Sometimes it seems to get out of hand, but the charm of the game keeps me from grimacing at every penis-joke and sexual reference.
The characters are not unlikable, but you'll have a hard time relating to them or their sense of humor. Their exploits in the campaign are often hilarious by themselves without someone shouting dick-tits, and some of the more funny dialog doesn't have a single swear in it. This being said, the campaign is full of big, exciting moments sure to get the blood pumping. Trying to escape the thundering beast that is a 1000 foot gyrating, bladed wheel coming straight for you is an ass-clincher, and more than once you'll be hauling ass to escape somewhere as fast as you can manage.
That being said, the final few hours of the campaign are stale and almost boring, and perhaps could have been executed a little better, so you better enjoy the first half of the game as much as possible. The campaign is also very short as a whole, and you may end up giving it a second playthrough to get the full enjoyment out of it. Also, if you feel the ending isn't a colossal disappointment by how boring it is, you are not alone. I don't mean to set you up for a lack of excitement, but better to know than be in the dark about what is a lackluster ending to what could otherwise be called a damn good game.
All in all, I didn't "stroke a murder boner" (Said in the first ten minutes, I shit you not) or wet myself with incredible jubilation over the game at any point, but it was certainly enjoyable. Now all we have to do is wait for the sequel.
Goodie. I love waiting.
