Depression

[Daniel Allsopp]

If you don't want to hear defeatist whining, stop reading now. Sorry that this is pretty much a life story, but I post this here in hopes that someone knows what I am going through and can offer advice.

I've been through mental health services all my life. When I was a kid I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, and I have suffered depression since my teens. I'm a Nihilist (I believe life has no purpose) and a Pessimist (thinking positively is almost impossible to me). I dropped out of college twice due to stress, I'm afraid of getting a job, and I live with my mother. I spend all my time in my room on my computer, playing video games just to distract myself. I have no routine in my life, so I sleep when I feel like it.

On top of all that my girlfriend of 3 years (who knew what state I was in) left me very recently for someone else and won't speak to me. Although she didn't exactly help me, just having someone was a comfort, so I am even worse now. When we first started dating she was very shy, and I helped her gain a lot of confidence, and she used that new found confidence to dump me. Now I'm losing my appetite, and it physically hurts to think of her.

I feel like life has utterly defeated me. While I'm not a social person I am always polite to people and always being nice, so I feel like I'm being punished for something I haven't done. I think about suicide a lot and the only reason I haven't attempted it is because I'm a coward.

So I ask you, dear reader. What the hell am I supposed to do? ._.

 

[REmaster]

I tend to have a very similar outlook on life and that has run me down a lot. But just because you think life has no purpose doesn't mean you can't enjoy it right? Just because you are a loner or don't socialize well doesn't mean you can't pursue things that interest you after all you surely must have things you enjoy doing or learning more about. If college or being a full time student is to stressful become a part time or take classes online. You don't have to graduate in four year! As for people and relationships I can't help you out much but being hurt by someone close doesn't last forever. I'm slowly breaking out of my shell and my driving force is I want to be my own independent person and not a burden on those who love me. If you really feel like life has defeated you then it's probably time to make a change. Try your hardest to work on confidence levels which will help you socially and with getting a job. Start small, smile at strangers and say hello. Try your hardest to meet new people (I sill struggle with this). It's not much but it sure helped me a whole lot.

 

[Gennadios]

I'm a Nihilist (I believe life has no purpose)

...

I feel like life has utterly defeated me.

If you're a nihilist you should understand that life isn't a force with any goal or purpose. It wasn't exactly trying to accomplish anything, much less defeat you. It's like saying a tree or the night sky has utterly defeated you.

Now, I was in much the same boat for the first 25 years of my life. Had a sheltered upbringing, weren't challenged enough, and hit a point where I was technically an adult but had absolutely no way of coping with life.

To be honest, the only thing that saved me was the economic necessity to lend a job sometime after high school. As embarrassing as it is to admit, my mom pulled all the strings and forced me into it, it's the only way I would have done it to begin with. 5 years of brutal, forced social interaction straightened me up enough to be function solo.

Begging your mom to force you into a job would help. She's really the only authority figure you have, and you won't be able to keep going after the initial bad interviews and rejections without a force pushing you forward.

If you're always polite and whatnot you should do fine in a work environment, unlike the big, impersonal voids that instiutions of learning, there will be co-workers that depend on you to show up on time, and bosses that depend on you to get stuff done. The social push to keep showing up and to perform will keep you from "dropping out" and you'll at the very least have a batch of daily "purposes" to get you through your days until you figure out what to do next.

 

[zombiesinc]

I feel like life has utterly defeated me. While I'm not a social person I am always polite to people and always being nice, so I feel like I'm being punished for something I haven't done. I think about suicide a lot and the only reason I haven't attempted it is because I'm a coward.

So I ask you, dear reader. What the hell am I supposed to do? ._.

If you've been thinking about attempting suicide a lot lately, I'd suggest seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist/doctor. A loss of motivation and appetite, thoughts of suicide and general indifference to life are common indicators of depression. You may not be depressed, but at this point, it'd be in your best interest to talk to a professional. From there, I'd suggest focusing on moving on from your ex-girlfriend. Regardless of how much you loved/liked her, or how it ended, the fact is it ended. There's absolutely no point in dwelling on the break-up or what you miss, it's not going to do you any good. The more you focus on the negative, the more down and shitty you're going to feel. It's may be cliche to hear someone say "focus on the positives in life, not the negatives", but it's said so often for a reason; it's true.

Once you've talked to a professional, from there you should be able to start focusing on getting your life in order, which includes getting a job, and hopefully applying for school again. You need some sort of routine in your life, and goals to aim for. Sitting at home, on the computer and sleeping randomly is only going to make you feel worse. Sure you'll distract yourself when on the computer, but ultimately, you're not doing yourself any favors, and the distraction is just that - a distraction. Rather than ignoring the issues at hand with such distractions, you should address them and try to figure out a solution. A professional would be the first step towards a solution. You may not actually need to take medication or talk to someone on a weekly basis, but knowing for sure where you are and what you can do is necessary. Even talking to someone can help give you a better idea of what steps you can take, what things to try and avoid but also allows you to talk about and accept the situation.

Life is hard, no matter how good or shitty a person you are. It's not picking on you, so don't allow it to pull you under. You can't choose the hurdles you face in life, but you can choose your attitude. That attitude really does make all the difference in life. A negative one will only make it harder to get past those hurdles, so don't allow yourself to get caught up in it.

 

[Escalith]

You must reach the breaking point. It's the moment where you wake up, throw up, bgin to cry without any reason and the only thought haunting your mind is 'Something has to change. Now.'

If you can't reach the moment where you for yourself realize that it can't continue as it is anymore, you will begin to change. It's fairly questionable wether anything before that will have a truly lasting effect.

I don't mean to disrespect Gennadios's opinion, but having someone force you into a life will - if you look at it in a passimistic way, work for a while but ultimately force you into the same state once more as you realize - I do what is asked for me, but to what purpose?

The strength to change must originate from yourself. - Accepting help when you reached that point however is the best choice you have.
However you will have to chose the right path when that very moment is near.

If you for yourself realize something has to change it's fairly easy to believe suicide is the only way out, or at least the easiest. But considering you came here, most likely having second doubts about it, you do know that there's another way and that suicide is an option, but not the one you truly wish to pursue.

In the very worst case, give yourself time. If you cling to the opinion that suicide is the way out, delay it. Give yourself a goal to work towards, till, you are say - 30, 35 or 40 years old. Make a clear structure of viable things that are achieveable; as for example being married, having a child, having a job, having x true friends, or something along the lines.

Ignoring your ideas, no matter how fatal they might be shouldn't be the way to deal with them and most likely won't change, nor erase them in the long run. Delaying however - till you are older, have several different views upon life, your life, and maybe goals that you achieved to this point will give you a whole nother perspective.

So in essence, I would suggest you to be patient and do nothing hasty that can't be reversed. Continue with your life as it is and wait until you reach the point of inner change.

- difficult to say how useful that might be, but that's my personal opinion, hope it gave you some insight at least. -

 

[Death Prophet]

snip

Ok if what you say is true and Im guessing it is because its not the topic you joke about. I've been a student of the human mind for many years now but not being a qualified professional my diagnosis would be unsound in this case. I can gather from your writing you are suffering from a few more syndromes than just aspergers. The help you are looking for cannot be found in these forums mate, you need to seek help from qualified professionals for these problems, trust me they are there to help its what they have invested their life into doing. I know it can be difficult admitting there may be something wrong but at the end of the day you will feel better I promise you. I cant tell from your profile or facebook where you are from so the best i can do to give you a start for info is the national suicide prevention hotline, they can help you find the help you need.

http://suicidehotlines.com/
1-800-273-8255

 

[Hop-along Nussbaum]

First things first, don't kill yourself. Despite my own personal feelings, I don't ever advocate suicide.

But, having said that, now I get to be honest with you.

Girls/women attach themselves (most often) to a man in the hopes that somehow they can change him, however slightly. It gives them a sense of purpose, and makes them feel like they're making you a better person. Yeah, it's fucked up and stupid, but that's the female mind for you.

Now then, I'm sorry to say this, but your girlfriend probably bailed on you because you're a drag to be around. You sound like one of those people who's constantly moping around like Eeyore the Donkey in the fucking Winnie the Pooh cartoons.

Nobody wants to be around that kind of person for an extended period of time. Trust me.

Secondly, your "definition" of Nihilism is wrong. Everyone believes in something. You need to find something new to believe in. I would start with yourself. If you believe that you are a better person and genuinely have something to offer the world, however small that may be, that's a start.

Finally, go get some help. Stop wasting your time pining for this lost girlfriend, and focus on getting back on your feet. Once you see something in yourself, then other people will start to see it as well. And before you know it, you'll have a new girlfriend and a new outlook on life.

 

[Terminal Blue]

Yeah.. that story isn't unfamiliar.

First things first, stop thinking big. Grandiose thoughts about the purpose (or lack thereof) of life will only make things worse. Find things you can control, and use deliberate acts of will to force yourself to make things happen.

Seriously try to get a job. I know it's frightening, I know it's really hard to keep sending in applications when you don't really want it and I know it will be terrifying when you actually have to go in, but I promise that after some time you will not feel so useless. Sure, you'll be bored and miserable at work, but at least you'll be doing something.

Get a routine. Force yourself to sleep at the same time every day, and try and establish other points to frame your life. Go running at the same time every day (excercise in general is really good). Once you have a job and money you could even join a gym and go swimming or something if that's more fun for you. Assign purpose for yourself, choose the point on which you will not bend or compromise to yourself. If life ever defeats you (and whose to say it ever does) it's because you're focusing on things you can't control rather than things you can.

In my opinion, by calling yourself a nihilist you've disproved your own point. Nihilism isn't a position you can choose to adopt or proclaim, it's a transient state which philosophers generally accuse each other of slipping into. A nihilist wouldn't mourn a lost girlfriend or ask for advice on how to improve their life, they wouldn't care, they would have no desires and be content with nothing. To the extent that it ever exists it's not a sad position at all, it's the utter contentment of being completely uncaring about anything.

To see life as having no purpose is only terrible if you think it should.

You say you're a nice person. It doesn't matter, and you should stop thinking it should matter. If you won't take responsibility for yourself, noone else will pick up the slack for you just because you're nice or polite to them, and expecting them to do so will only result in you getting hurt. Noone can do this for you or instantly make you feel better, and relying on your girlfriend (acknowledged or otherwise) to do so may well have been a contributing factor in ending your relationship. If you can learn look after yourself, then nothing can take that away. Expecting someone else to do it only hurts you in the long term.

Finally, are you on medication? If not, you should be. It can make doing the small things you need to do to improve your life so much easier. It can even help with the pessimism if you get it right. You owe it to yourself to try and give it a serious chance.

 

[Axzarious]

You know, I have been diagnosed with Aspergers as well, but that has never stopped me from doing anything.

As for some of your other statements... Life has no meaning until you assign it meaning. This means that you should find a reason to live, or failing that, make a reason to do so. In addition, 'life' cannot defeat you unless you let it happen. You always have the choice to accept defeat, or find some other way to achieve victory, however, the concept of life is abstract, so you must make your own victory conditions.... As for suicide, I think that?s for the weak, taking the easy way out. Its easier to die than to live.

 

[Tiger King]

hey dan
when i went through a bad patch when i was young i felt similar to how you do.
sod the girlfriend mate shes lost you not youve lost her.
it sounds like you have too much time on your hands you need an intrest or a hobby or a job to fill that time.
i managed to combine the 2 i got a job being a welder so i get paid to do something i enjoy.

also the internets a great tool to meet new people and join new clubs.
try n exercise more or be active more, the brain releases chemicals that make you feel good after a work out.

or you could try doing something crazy and outgoing, ive been skydiving a few times that was pretty awsome or paintballing something that gets the blood pumping.

dont worry about it in ten years your ex will be a distant memory and you will probably look back n laugh

 

[Cheesus333]

I started a thread a wee while ago asking for advice on becoming happier. It might be worth a visit [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/538.276364-Steps-to-becoming-a-happier-person#10734181]. There was a lot of good, sincere advice from people there.

Good luck, I hope you feel better - if not soon - at some point.

 

[holy_secret]

So I ask you, dear reader. What the hell am I supposed to do? ._.

Survive.

Smile when you can. You never know when the good times may come again.

This is what I do. Feel free to PM me if you need anything.

 

[SilentCom]

I could have sworn that I've already posted on this topic before... Deja Vu I guess.

OT: Anyways, it would probably be best if you find something you're good at or enjoy doing and stick to it. I'm assuming you aren't very social and don't like to go out much, but trust me, it helps. I'm not saying you need to socialize or anything but at least get out there and try to discover what life has to offer. A sense of adventure is always helpful when you're tired of your life or think its sh!t.

 

[Sylare]

Well since I have numerous disabilities, I have an idea of what you are going through. I may not be autistic, but I think I can help. First find out what you like to do, then find someone who has similar interests, now you need a lot of practice since people with aspergers have a lack of empathy. You might find someone who going through a similar problem. remember practice makes perfect, I only recently found this out. if this doesn't work tell me, I might be able to get my friend with aspergers to help.

 

[ddrfr33k]

I'm also an aspie, and I've been in similar scenarios to OP's. You need to hit that rock bottom point, then have someone you trust slap you upside the head and tell you to snap out of it. not really, but you get what I mean. One of the first things you need to do is to celebrate the small things in life. It's doable, you just need to change your outlook on life.

Also, get up and go outside. Avenue Q put it best when they said "there's life outside your apartment." It exists. It's actually kinda fun sometimes. (Okay, NOW I'm just being a jerk, and I really shouldn't be. I need to spend less time on /b/...)

And yeah, school or work would help out a ton, too. It's a good way to meet new people, maybe even find a new love interest...

You can do this, you just need to convince yourself first.

 

[Evidencebased]

I would definitely get checked out by a professional if you possibly can. If you're feeling suicidal that is an urgent situation, and you need to get some help for that. Seeing a counselor or therapist, etc, can also help you figure out whether you're feeling depressed because life is currently treating you crappy, or if you've got clinical depression and medication might be helpful.

No matter the reason for your depression I suggest you at least find someone to talk with. You are definitely allowed to shop around for therapists; don't like one? Try another. Find someone you like and trust, who's not afraid to give you a little tough love too, and see them often enough that you get to know each other. They can give you some coping strategies -- maybe there are lifestyle changes you can make, even something simple like getting more sleep or exercise. They can even just be a sympathetic ear about girl troubles. They can also refer you to other resources that might help you.

If it's clinical depression (which seems very possible, just to armchair diagnose you ;p) I would not just try to "tough it out" or "man up" or anything like that. Your neurotransmitters don't care how brave and manly you are, they can mess up your head anyways -- so if this is a clinical condition don't be shy about treating it like any other health condition! (No one would tell you to "walk it off" if you got ebola right? So don't try to "walk off" other illnesses. Get some treatment if you can, 'cause modern medicine is lovely!) When I'm clinically depressed it doesn't matter how hard I try or how badass I like to think I am, medication is what gets me back on my feet. (This isn't for everyone, of course, but it's true for a lot of people!)

And don't forget that you are young, and that nothing in life is permanently sucky! Even if you just have to put your head down and be miserable for a little while, it'll definitely get better some time. "This too shall pass" and all that! Don't freak out about not meeting all your life goals right this instant -- focus on feeling better, getting some help, making baby steps, and eventually you'll be strolling around with a lovely girlfriend and a job and a sunnier outlook. There's really no rush; you're allowed to feel shitty yanno! Just don't assume that's what your future will be like, 'cause your future is gonna be better.

Edit: I just looked at your profile and you're what, like 19 years old? You have literally a century of living ahead of you! Your teens are notoriously miserable, but your brain is still developing (until you're about 25 years old) and proper adulthood -- ie. 20s and 30s and onward -- often gets a lot better for people who have especially rough teen years. I was a mopey little raincloud at your age too, and depressed as all hell, but I got through it alright and I'm a stronger person for it. And you will be too! So just relax about college and jobs and high expectations; a lot of perfectly smart and successful people got a bit of a slow or rocky start, and it doesn't mean you're doomed. ^^