Desperation and love

[InnerRebellion]

I dated my best friend over the summer, and we made it about a week into the school year, when one day, she shows up at my house and dumps me, no explanation given. I never get an explanation, just "I'm so sorry" "I don't know why I did that" for about a month. Then during the beginning of November, I man up and admit to her that I've been in love with her, even after she broke up with me. A few hours later, she asks me out. Not even two days later, she breaks up with me, again, this time with the "I think we're better as friends" statement. I go through depression, threaten my parents with suicide and go get mental help. The doc tells me to stay away from her for two weeks, as she's evidently the source of my depression. I do, but I get worse. She goes away for a week, and my depression goes to the point that I refuse to leave my room. Now, she's back and we're talking exactly like we did before we started dating the first time, and I've realized I'm desperately in love with her. For this reason, my friends have started calling me a fool, and telling me I'm making everything too hard for myself. They may be right, I don't know. I won't dare tell her, because I'm too afraid of a repeat of three weeks ago.

What I come here asking is for any suggestions on what to do; whether it be ignore it, move on, find something to occupy my time.

 

[Insanum]

Honestly, Ignore her completely. Remove her number from your phone, Delete her off your contact lists, she's bad news for you.

She clearly doesnt know what she wants, or she took pity on you when you told her you love her. Whilst it hurts, you must move on - it will make you a stronger person, and you wont fall in "love" as easy in the future.

Take it one day at a time, and trust me, it gets easier.

At least you can say you told her, and it didnt work out.

 

[LightningBanks]

Honestly, Ignore her completely. Remove her number from your phone, Delete her off your contact lists, she's bad news for you.

She clearly doesnt know what she wants, or she took pity on you when you told her you love her. Whilst it hurts, you must move on - it will make you a stronger person, and you wont fall in "love" as easy in the future.

Take it one day at a time, and trust me, it gets easier.

At least you can say you told her, and it didnt work out.

This, but maybe asking/forcing her to give you a better reason might help calm your senses. I emphasise MIGHT, Dont hold me to it

 

[Insanum]

Honestly, Ignore her completely. Remove her number from your phone, Delete her off your contact lists, she's bad news for you.

She clearly doesnt know what she wants, or she took pity on you when you told her you love her. Whilst it hurts, you must move on - it will make you a stronger person, and you wont fall in "love" as easy in the future.

Take it one day at a time, and trust me, it gets easier.

At least you can say you told her, and it didnt work out.

This, but maybe asking/forcing her to give you a better reason might help calm your senses. I emphasise MIGHT, Dont hold me to it

i wouldnt think that'd be a good idea, as it wouldn't really bring closure, it'd bring the thought process of "If i change, will she have me" - which is something he really shouldnt do - it never ends well.

...Thats my personal opinion on that one.

 

[Seriphina]

Dude you are like 15. I know it seems like a big deal at the minute but at such a young age girls don't know what they want and boys are just play things. It's probably not personal and she probably got bored of the idea of having a boyfriend. Don't sweat it. Just ignore her or act like you couldn't care less. It will all be good. Take it easy <3

 

[LightningBanks]

Honestly, Ignore her completely. Remove her number from your phone, Delete her off your contact lists, she's bad news for you.

She clearly doesnt know what she wants, or she took pity on you when you told her you love her. Whilst it hurts, you must move on - it will make you a stronger person, and you wont fall in "love" as easy in the future.

Take it one day at a time, and trust me, it gets easier.

At least you can say you told her, and it didnt work out.

This, but maybe asking/forcing her to give you a better reason might help calm your senses. I emphasise MIGHT, Dont hold me to it

i wouldnt think that'd be a good idea, as it wouldn't really bring closure, it'd bring the thought process of "If i change, will she have me" - which is something he really shouldnt do - it never ends well.

...Thats my personal opinion on that one.

hmm, I see where your coming from, but it would depened on her eventual answer. Still, Its a bit of a gamble either way, I wouldnt risk it.

OP, Id go with what Insanum says

 

[Jedoro]

Get used to yourself, be happy with who you are, and learn to live alone. That way, you'll never "desperately" want anyone, friends or otherwise. When you don't have the necessity mindset when looking for people, you go for higher quality. This wishy-washy ***** isn't worth your time.

 

[Julianking93]

Your doctor is right, I believe. Ignore her and move on.
It's far more difficult to do rather than just say, but it really is the best thing you could be doing right now, not only for yourself, but for her as well.

It seems that closure might be an issue here as well in that you wanted, perhaps a better explanation as to why she broke up with you.

Looking at your profile though, I see that you're only 15 and I'm assuming she's the same age or even, possibly younger. Don't take this personally as this doesn't apply to everyone in the world, but people typically at that age don't know what the fuck they want and she obviously doesn't have a clue.

It'll be difficult to move on from a first love kind of thing, but it's for the best. Take things slow and easy. You need to first learn to be alright with yourself as a person and love yourself even when you're alone. It will get better eventually and you'll find someone else to love in the future and you can avoid these kinds of problems a bit easier.

 

[Monkfish Acc.]

Sounds a bit to me like utter melodrama.
Here's an idea, kiddo. How about you cut the theatrics.

She is not taking this nearly as seriously as you are. You know why?
Because you're both kids.

Listen. Go hang out with a few other girls. Get used to the possibility that, yes, you will break up with people a lot in your life and, no, it's not really a big deal. Certainly not something to go into a suicidal depression over.
Although I do note you specifically said you threatened your parents with it and never actually stated that you wanted to do it. But whatever. Semantics.

Alternatively, why not try growing up a little before you rush into this shit again.
Stop telling yourself you are hopelessly in love. It's a fun and exciting thought, I'm sure, but it is quite stupid.
It is not something you want, okay. It is something you only admit after you have exhausted all other possibilities.

 

[Fetzenfisch]

Thats not a depression, just normal teenexperience. I the old days we didnt need a doc for that. You tried, it didnt work, it was perhaps too weird for her, with all that friendshipstory before.
Just leave it be like that and look forward.

 

[Bourne Endeavor]

Honestly, Ignore her completely. Remove her number from your phone, Delete her off your contact lists, she's bad news for you.

She clearly doesnt know what she wants, or she took pity on you when you told her you love her. Whilst it hurts, you must move on - it will make you a stronger person, and you wont fall in "love" as easy in the future.

Take it one day at a time, and trust me, it gets easier.

At least you can say you told her, and it didnt work out.

I am going to emphasis this post. No girl is worth having the emotional meltdown you have evidently undergone. At the present stage you are, all you should focus upon is your own self confidence and individuality. It may be difficult however with time it does become all the more easier. Find something to occupy your time, something you are confident with to bolster precisely that and gradually you will begin to realize she is one of many girls and there will be others, better even.

 

[InnerRebellion]

I dated my best friend over the summer, and we made it about a week into the school year, when one day, she shows up at my house and dumps me, no explanation given. I never get an explanation, just "I'm so sorry" "I don't know why I did that" for about a month. Then during the beginning of November, I man up and admit to her that I've been in love with her, even after she broke up with me. A few hours later, she asks me out. Not even two days later, she breaks up with me, again, this time with the "I think we're better as friends" statement. I go through depression, threaten my parents with suicide and go get mental help. The doc tells me to stay away from her for two weeks, as she's evidently the source of my depression. I do, but I get worse. She goes away for a week, and my depression goes to the point that I refuse to leave my room. Now, she's back and we're talking exactly like we did before we started dating the first time, and I've realized I'm desperately in love with her. For this reason, my friends have started calling me a fool, and telling me I'm making everything too hard for myself. They may be right, I don't know. I won't dare tell her, because I'm too afraid of a repeat of three weeks ago.

What I come here asking is for any suggestions on what to do; whether it be ignore it, move on, find something to occupy my time.

Before I answer, I must ask: are you still suicidal over this issue?

Nope, I've gotten past the suicidal thoughts and/or attempts.

 

[zombiesinc]

As much as I don't want to sound like a condescending dick, but from personal experience fifteen is not the best age for complicated romance. Whatever she's doing, she's not doing it out of malicious spite, she's doing it because she's a stupid teenage girl. I don't mean stupid as in genuinely braindead, but she doesn't know who or what she wants, or why she wants it. If you think she's doing it out of some cruel intent, you're wrong. She's just struggling with being young and unsure of herself.

Now, onto the other matter of what you should do about the situation, for your own health the best possible thing you can do is ignore her. It'll hurt like all hell in the begining, but in the long run it's what you need to do, for your parents, your friends and most importantly yourself. Don't break others over one confused girl. Plus, please be careful swinging the 'L' word. At fifteen it's possible you do love her, but your borderline behaviour makes me think otherwise. The way you're acting is too extreme for anything like 'love'. Keep that in mind.

Fargo (and Julian) have very valid, and honest points here.

I understand that your feelings towards her are so deep and intense, but try to keep in mind that you've been struggling to be happy with yourself, and your own life. The reason I say this is because you pointed out how much you pulled away from everyone in your life, and how little you wished to continue living that life when this girl broke up with you. I'm glad you've worked through those feelings, but try to keep in mind that those feelings very likely amplified your love for this girl.

What I believe is best for you is to move on as best you can. It's likely that ignoring her, or just choosing to not interact with her is what would help you best during this process. It will hurt, and that hurt will fluctuate for quite some time, but it's necessary. As already stated, you're still young, and I have no doubts that there will be future loves out there for you. And y'know what else? You're bound to fall in love with someone who knows what they want - you.

As for ways to try to cope with these feelings, and get through this, I would suggest focusing on the things that have always made you happy throughout your life. Whether it be reading, video games, spending time with family or friends, etc. Anything that you know you can find joy in regardless of other things in your life.

Also, talking about how you feel with someone you trust, and never holding it in. The more you can acknowledge what happened, and recognize how you feel, the better. Give everything time, and eventually you'll feel better about this situation, and your life.

 

[BonsaiK]

What I come here asking is for any suggestions on what to do; whether it be ignore it, move on, find something to occupy my time.

The advice forum mods have given really good advice here, I don't feel the need to add anything at all except to say don't hate on the girl, the situation doesn't sound like it's any easier for her than it is for you. Good luck though.

 

[MassiveGeek]

I always say this about love:

Love is not always the feeling that screams loudest - it is the feeling in which you feel the most secure.

I don't want to tell you what to do in this situation, because I am confident that you actually know what is best for you. Not the smartest, not what everyone else thinks is obvious - what you know is best.

(Considering this may give you some insight into how this situation came to be, but apologies, I'm terrible at giving advice in this particular situation.)

 

[derdeutschmachine]

Ok, I'll give it to you straight here since I'm 11 years your senior, but yes I've been there, and yes it sucks. But, big issue here, you can't depend on someone else for happiness. If you're depressed by someone turning you down, even with a long term commitment, it's natural, but don't let it drag you down. You're young, You've got a whole life of people to run though, hell you've got highschool to get though.
The thing is, if you can't be happy with who you are, how can you expect to make anyone else happy? Find a happy you, then look for gratifacation elsewhere; otherwise you're essentially pissing in the wind.
Good luck to you whether you take this advice or not.