Do people ever change their minds about someone romantically?

[Quazimofo]

Hello Escapists.

Something that I seem to have heard a lot fairly recently, either in dating advice or in pop culture, the idea that people who initially dislike each other, or are impartial to one another, go on to become a loving couple (e.g, "if you get rejected, become friends and win her over over time", and the classic hatred-to-romance arc that pops up a fair bit in media.)

As you can probably guess, this thread was prompted by a rejection. It was fairly straightforward affair: I talked to a person a few times, I found them attractive, I asked them out, they don't like me in that way, I gracefully took my leave.

I'm not obsessing over this person in particular. It is not at all my intent to try to manipulate this person into finding me attractive (even if it worked it'd kinda cheapen the end result, not to mention the morality of it). If they don't like me in that way, so be it, there are millions of others in the world who may very well might. This just got me thinking and I'm curious about the experiences of any of you with regards to this.

TLDR: Have you ever become attracted to someone you initially were impartial towards/has someone done so to you?

 

[Albino Boo]

Sometimes you can be sexually attracted to someone you don't particularly like but but if you not sexaully attracted to someone its doesn't change.

 

[L. Declis]

Depends how old you are.

If you're in high school, don't worry about it, hormones make shit change constantly.

If you're a bit older, then honestly, no. If you lose, you're stuck with the result. People may be able to change through effort, but then you are likely going to push yourself into the "friendzone", with all the horrible implications, you'll be the creepy guy/gal and you'll become utterly desperate looking.

If you do get rejected, just retreat for a while, better yourself, and try again later if the opportunity arises. This is your best bet. Do know this isn't even a 10% chance, but it's your best bet.

My honest to god advice? Just leave it, leave him/her, cut the contact and do what makes you happy.

 

[Fieldy409_v1legacy]

Yes, but that also involved a long period of disconnect before reconnecting again. Plus she didnt feel the same way.

 

[Bat Vader]

I recently found and by recent I mean on Friday that an ex-coworker of mine hates my guts because I was ignorant towards her and her advances. She quit last October and at the mandatory all staff meeting on Friday I asked a friend of hers who works in housekeeping how she was doing.

Her friend seemed fairly hostile about it until I told her I didn't know she liked me until that very moment. She didn't seem to believe me at first until I explained to her how unless someone is straightforward and blunt that I usually won't give them the time of day.

In all honestly though even if I knew she liked me back then I would have still ignored her advances. I have no interest in a relationship and even if I did I wouldn't date a coworker.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Does not change 99% of the time, because people don't change 99% of the time.
If a person looks for X / Y / Z traits in a partner and you do not have X / Y / Z then you already know the outcome, now if you were to acquire those traits there is nothing standing in your way. But realistically no one would or should go that far for a relationship that doesn't yet exist.

Rejection is painful for sure but it is also a very clear marker for poor choice of partner, and it is 1000x easier to hear that at the start then it is 5 years later with possible children on the way.

 

[Blitsie]

Highly depends on the person, the situation and your current state. I've had a time where I had a major thing for a girl who didn't like me, only to later on just see her as a friend because she learned some really off-putting habits and such during the years I've known her. Also had the opposite happen where she grew more interested in me but nothing ever came from that due to timing (both of us had to go away to different countries for a few months so couldn't do much, what luck haha).

All in all, the small chance of things changing are always there since, heck, people always change as life goes (albeit much more minor changes as one grows older) and one can write whole essay's on the 'what if's' and 'what nots' and such but ultimately, when it comes to stuff like this, best you can do is just be friends with the person if possible (or ignore and move on) and instead of expecting anything, just enjoy the moment and leave things up to fate.

 

[Ramzal]

Depends on the person, place, weather, what kind of day both of them are having, their blood glucose levels, their overall disposition in life, what they had for breakfast, if their boss was giving them hell, etc.

I'm being serious here. Anything can happen and feelings are so fickle with so many variables it's not even funny.

 

[Belaam]

My sophomore year of high school, I asked out a cute freshman girl. We were on an open campus, so walked to McDonalds for lunch. We talked, discovered we had few shared interests, but that neither of us was interested in pursuing it farther. Our consensus was "no spark". We remained acquaintances for the rest of high school (we took Physics together my junior year and met up to study now and again, she dated a friend for a year or so my senior year, and we had several other friends in common). I went to college and she visited once with her family as part of a college tour. I joined the Air Force and visited her once at her college while I was on leave and driving through the town. We each dated several people, including long term relationships. My enlistment ended just as she graduated college and we were both back living with our parents while we looked for jobs. We hung out a few times and realized that we had both changed quite a bit over the years and were now far more compatible. We ended up dating and moving in together. We've now been together fifteen years, have two kids, and are still madly in love.

TL;DR Yes.

 

[Anja Bech]

First time I heard my ex talk in class (I was a junior in high school), I found him pompous and incredibly annoying and I was sure I would not like this dude, not one bit. Then we ended up talking a lot while building sets for the school play and I fell pretty hard. I've also kinda badgered a guy into dating me... he wasn't that interested, but I kept persisting. We dated for six years. I wouldn't recommend this approach though. Not at all. <.<

Generally, yes, you can change your mind about someone, but it happens rarely. Never ever count on it.