Do you think i'm being selfish?

[WlknCntrdiction]

Today, me and my boss(lovely lady)were in the cash office counting money(as you do)and the topic of children came up. Now, i dont want to have kids when im older, i told her this and she responded that "i dont like when you talk like that", and i asked her "like what?". She says "like that, its kind of selfish", i was honestly taken aback by this. I don't like to think i'm a selfish person, i share things, i give things to people that they don't have so i was surprised to say the least. But then i started thinking about my reasons about why i didn't want kids.
I don't want kids because i could never bring up another person. Even if i was financially secure, just the act of teaching someone, of having to bring someone up that looks upto me, i honestly don't think i could ever do that, it scares me to no end. I don't know if my reasons are like any other person who doesn't want kids, i haven't talked to any other person who doesn't want kids to know if their reasons differ but it just made me think, am i really being selfish? Is having the power to produce another life, yet choosing not to, selfish? I'm not giving a child a chance to live, am i being selfish in depriving that child from ever having a life? But then if i were to ever have a child and then i didn't want it, would my feelings of not wanting it make me a bad father? and subsequently would i then be selfish in not giving that child the best i ever could because of my feelings towards never wanting to have that child?
My boss told me to "never say never" when i told her that it "would never happen" and shes right. I just don't want kids, probably ever, my boss is a good lady but in that conversation i felt like i was the worst kind of person on this planet, i don't know what to think to be honest. What do you guys think? Sorry for such a depressing subject.

 

[shatnershaman]

I don't think so if anything having a child you know you can't really raise properly is selfish.

 

[Singing Gremlin]

Nah. By the logic you're selfish if you deprive a potential life, it'd be impossible not to be selfish, due to the minor problem of constantly producing gametes. One person deciding not to be a parent is not selfish. If you were in a relationship where your partner dearly wanted to be a parent, and you were capable of supporting a child, then it's more of a grey area. But the human race ain't in danger of dying out, and burdening both yourself with a child you don't want, and the child with a half-hearted parent isn't exactly the moral high-ground far as I can see.

 

[Yan-Yan]

Depressing nothing. I've been told the same thing. I acknowledge that it's possible in the future that I may have kids, depending on who I meet and how I feel on the subject later in life, but at that time, I would not have kids. I've been told everything from, "you're wrong, you just don't know it yet" to "you're being selfish". Frankly, they're just projecting their feelings and experiences onto me (and in this case I would think you). I just roll my eyes because the long term effect is: I'm not coming back in 40 years saying, "HA! I never had kids!" or "Darn, you were right." so their personal thoughts on my desire or lack there of to have kids is so unimportant, it's down right a non-issue.

They're desire for others to have kids is kind of bizarre though. Seems a bit unhealthy to make such a judgment based on such a small portion of one's life.


As for never having kids? As I said before, one just never knows. You may meet that one special someone who wants to have kids or adopt. Or you may suddenly find yourself desiring that yourself. So I don't say never, but I've also learned who to not talk about family with.

 

[exocel]

selfishness and procreation arent really the same ball game, or the same sport for that matter, that like saying a cloud looks delicious, theres no meaning to it.

 

[The Potato Lord]

It's all relative

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Depends on your age. What she's probably looking at is your girlfriend who may want/need them. It'd only really be selfish if you prevented your girlfriend from getting pregnant because of that; and that's really something you'll have to discuss with her when the time's right.

 

[Easykill]

I'm going to get a vasectomy soon, so that shows my stance on that subject. In my case though, even she couldn't call me selfish, maybe misguided, but not selfish. I have no problem with kids, I just don't think a kid needs to be your kid genetically before he's your kid, and adoption makes WAY more sense in that light. You're not making the population problem worse(My mom always tries to counter with Canada's population dropping, but the world's is what matters), and you're giving a kid who otherwise wouldn't of had one a family. In my case though, maybe not a very good family... I'd be a terrible father. Besides, I have genetic hearing loss.

Wow, I totally jumped off the topic to talk about myself... Bad Easykill!

 

[Gemini3333]

man if i was told that(by someone who isn't my boss) i'd say right back to them "and your a ***** caught up in her own self-righteosness"

but seriously can you think of any real reason as to why not having kids is selfish i mean say a man with several mental problems doesn't want to have a kid so that the child doesn't have to go through with a mental parent then is that selfish not wanting a child to suffer?

 

[BallPtPenTheif]

the woman is just trying to put her own values on a pedestal rather than respecting the difference of your opinion. in truth, you can be a selfish parent or a selfish single person, the idea that "not wanting children" is intrinsicly selfish is silly.

as a parent, i can tell you that most parents think they are great selfless people. they do nothing but brag about the difficulties and tribulations as if they were some sort of parental super heroes when in fact, uneducated selfish idiots have been raising kids since the beginning of time.

being a parent is not hard.. it is just something that is endured. its worst moments are more like a root canal, but getting a root canal is as easy as just lying there. in other words, a lot of parents are full of themselves.

 

[stompy]

Really, I'm rather glad that if you don't want children, you're not having them. Like said before, having a child without really having one is not fair for the kid. It's your life, and if you don't want kids, then it's not really selfish, but your choice.

 

[MRMIdAS2k]

It's not selfish.

If you feel you can't give that kid a good life and a solid upbringing, then don't fucking bother.

It's these lazy cunts who (in England at least) seem to WANT to have kids, just to get a free fucking council house, free fucking money, and all the other shit normal people have to fucking WORK for.

And then people wonder why our fair island is in such a state where chavs are running rampant, because they've not no discipline, because if you can't be fucking bothered to get a job to provide for your family, you sure as fuck can't be bothered to dicipline your kids properly, to make sure they grow up well adjusted members of society.

If you feel you're not up to the job, don't fucking do it. It's not selfish, it's common fucking sense.

 

[cleverlymadeup]

i think the main thing is what she said is "never say never"

i know a ton of ppl who when they were young said "oh i don't want kids and i will never have them", they got older and they had kids cause they changed their minds and wanted them

so really you are being a bit selfish at the moment and thinking me me me but you aren't very old and are trying to figure out crap, so in about 10-15 years you may change your mind, you can look back at this and go "wow i was like that"

 

[sandswipe]

You are normal. Kids are scary, and the thought of being indirectly responsible for every mistake another human being will ever make is scary. They also spend most of their first two years getting some sort of liquid or semi-liquid on you. The fact that getting liquid on you for two years, then being asked why for eight years, then being told to fuck off for ten years sounds unattractive is absolutely expected of anyone who takes a long hard look at the idea of parenthood.

As others have said, the population of the Earth is at something like 6.5 billion people. That is 6,500,000,000. It takes three days to get to the moon, which is only a quarter million miles away. It takes light more then a month to go a billion miles. For reference, here is what a billion pennies look like next to your average anonymous: http://www.kokogiak.com/megapenny/nine.asp Now imagine six of those stacks, except instead of pennies it's things that can drive cars and have sex and yell and use guns. Do we really need more of those? Is it more selfish to fill the world, or to sustain it?

 

[zacaron]

no your not selfish I think i will probably have a kid when I am older but not having a kid is by no means selfish and having a kid that you don't want would not be a good idea.

 

[wilsonscrazybed]

News Flash! Nineteen year old doesn't want to "ever" have children! Give yourself a few years mate, that feeling of disgust for children will turn into mere contempt.

 

[Saskwach]

If she wasn't just kneejerking I'd say her reasoning would be something like this: societies are sustained by the people who live in them. Therefore, society needs people to have babies so that the future is relatively assured. Japan, for instance, is going to hell and back soon, because so many people haven't had children. So it might seem selfish to some that you accept the benefits of society- stability, law enforcement etc- yet don't plan to in any way continue it.
Or she could believe that you don't want kids simply because of the burden, which in the strictest sense would be selfish.

 

[BallPtPenTheif]

oh, here's a brain tickler...

all the smart people are over thinking pregnancy and all the idiots who can't figure out how to use a condom are multiplying at a staggering rate. that's right, birth control only stopped smart people from having babies.....

so smart people, get drunk and make a baby. you have some catching up to do if we don't want the world to become dumb.