Don't Laugh Please, This Is Kinda Serious

[MazeMinion]

So, my bro caught me fapping. Yeah. He walked right in my room and caught me.

He was discreet and cool about it, so I didn't think it was a big deal.

Then I remembered my parents. My parents are pretty big Christians. If they found out because of my bro telling them, I'd be in deep crap.

What should I do if that happens?

 

[The_root_of_all_evil]

Not ask the internet for advice. They're gonna tear into you.

 

[Bobic]

I'm sorry but it is hard to read this without laughing.

Anyway, my advice is to burst into your brother's room unannounced at random hours in the hope of catching him fapping. Then you can set up a mutual agreement to not tell.

 

[BENZOOKA]

Haha. I'm gonna tear into you now.


http://demi.fi/uploads/userImage/7/44687/40987__Tear.jpg


Honestly. It's the most normal thing in the world. CHILLAX! Just tell your bro not to tell your parents if you know they'd get all squishy about it for some twisted reason.

 

[MazeMinion]

Heh, now that I think about it, there are times when I've seen him with his door shut...

 

[Throwitawaynow]

What can you do? Ignore them. If they try to take the religion angle then either demand they find the exact passage saying it is wrong then follow it up by spending the next few months pointing out every single thing they do that is against the bible or just tell them you do not care what the bible has to say.

I'de basically use this:

Ron White: The year I turned 13, I experimented with something, and my grandma caught me in the bathroom just a'doin it. She said, "It says in the Bible, young man, that it is better for your seed to fall in the belly of a whore than on the ground." I said, "Tough to argue with that logic, Grandma. You got 50 bucks?"

Edit: Ron White said this, not me. Gonna bold it.

 

[mireko]

Ask him not to tell them?

 

[TheFloBros]

Say you were itching your dong while watching porn! Simple as that.

 

[The_Yeti]

Tell your parents that god spoketh to you and said, "A fap a day keeps the devil at bay."

 

[SnootyEnglishman]

Does it matter? Just ignore the parents..it's not like you were having intercourse with a dirty woman. Also it would be better not to ask the internet for advice. Although it was a wise choice going here instead of /b/

 

[MazeMinion]

Now I'm afraid he will tell people at school.

I'd be embarrassed.

 

[Gralian]

I didn't think Christians were against masturbation? I know it's kind of looked down upon in Islamic circles, but...

Just tell them you're a big boy now and you know hair isn't going to grow on your palms and you're not going to go blind.

Honestly, if you're really worried about it, just appeal to them to respect your maturity as a human being just like you respect their faith for their religion. I'm sure they'll understand.

 

[Doctor Glocktor]

You should have looked him in the eye and finished like a beast.

In all honesty, its perfectly natural and everybody does it. Hell, I really doubt your brother will tell, because he more than likely does too.

 

[drwow]

Two things first
Why didn't you lock the door
Why did you with other people in the house?

Anyway
If your brother tells them, he's a little *****.
So if they find out, I bet nothing bad will happen, they won't be happy, but what are they going to do about it? not to much they can do in this situation, maybe make you talk to your pastor, but's probably the worst case.

 

[Gralian]

Now I'm afraid he will tell people at school.

I'd be embarrassed.

Oh, please. What teenage boy (or girl, for that matter) hasn't masturbated during puberty. Either they won't care, or they'll have a laugh, but you can have a laugh too knowing they probably do it on a nightly basis as well anyway. If you're really in doubt, just ask them outright.

"Well, don't you choke the chicken once in a while? You'd be pretty damn weird if you didn't!"

 

[Eldarion]

Now I'm afraid he will tell people at school.

I'd be embarrassed.

Why? Everyone does it.

 

[BonsaiK]

So, my bro caught me fapping. Yeah. He walked right in my room and caught me.

He was discreet and cool about it, so I didn't think it was a big deal.

Then I remembered my parents. My parents are pretty big Christians. If they found out because of my bro telling them, I'd be in deep crap.

What should I do if that happens?

I think it's highly unlikely that your brother will tell your parents, probably because:

* He's probably doing it too, and he doesn't want you busting him and then telling your parents in revenge
* It's a pretty embarrasing topic to bring up, it would be easier for him not to mention it


However, if it does come to the crunch, the Bible is pretty ambiguous about whether it disapproves of masturbation or not. You'd be hard-pressed to find direct references to masturbation being bad in the Bible, most views about it being "a sin" are more extrapolation than anything else. If you need some ammunition for a potential showdown about this issue, try this link: http://www.religioustolerance.org/masturba3.htm

Also, use the Advice Forum, for chrissake. You'll get far more mature responses there and it's set aside just for questions like this one.

 

[thethingthatlurks]

Here ya go mate

Really, it's no big deal. Just find something with which you can blackmail him...

 

[Atticus89]

Argue that it's better than having sex with random prostitutes that will have abortions of your unborn children. If the argue celibacy, point to Catholic priests.