Doxing seems to be all the rage. In that spirit, I'm going to dump the personal, medical and financial information of two of video games' biggest stars.
Name: Mario
Personal Email Address: SonicSux69@aol.com
Criminal History: Mario's seemingly cheerful and easy going outward appearance conceals a dark past and a twisted psyche. Like many serial killers, Mario enjoyed being cruel to animals at a very young age, whether it was stepping on turtles for fun or imprisoning gorillas in cages for his own amusement. It is said that when his truly dark side emerges he believes himself to be a kind of evil twin he refers to as "Wario". This split-personality allows Mario to compartmentalize away many of his worst acts because, in his own mind, it is not Mario who is carrying them out but rather this other-self, "Wario".
Financial Records: In keeping with his deceitful nature, Mario carefully projects a public image as a blue-collar every man, a simple Italian immigrant who owns a family-run plumbing business with his brother. In reality, Mario's fortune is estimated to be in the billions, mostly in gold Krugerrands which he claims to find simply lying around the street, in the sewer system and, most implausibly, in the clouds. The real origins of his fortune seem to be from running various scams, the most profitable of which is staging the kidnapping of wealthy young socialites whom Mario then "rescues" and returns to a grateful family to much acclaim and , of course, a generous financial reward.
Name: Q*Bert
Personal and Medical History: An up-and-coming star in the early eighties , Q*Bert soon found himself out-of-work after the Great Video Crash of 1983. Things began to look up for Q*Bert when a production company hired him to star in a new children's show, the now-famous Teletubbies. Although his physical appearance was perfect for the role, his legendary potty-mouth and bad temper got him fired after only a single episode when the former child-star directed an epic, profanity-laced tirade at a shocked studio audience filled with astonished parents and crying children. Now at rock bottom, Q*Bert jumped off the stairs of a floating, outer space pyramid thing in an attempt to end his own life. During the year-long hospital recovery, Q*Bert was finally diagnosed with an extreme form of Tourette Syndrome, seemingly explaining a life-long, self-destructive pattern of uncontrollable profanity and other inappropriate comments. No longer wishing to be in the spotlight, Q*Bert now lives a quiet life on a secluded dairy farm in Vermont alongside his life partner of many years, that spacesuit-looking guy from Dig Dug.
Financial Records: When is the last time you put a quarter into a Q*Bert arcade cabinet? Well, no one else has either. He has no income.
Name: Mario
Personal Email Address: SonicSux69@aol.com
Criminal History: Mario's seemingly cheerful and easy going outward appearance conceals a dark past and a twisted psyche. Like many serial killers, Mario enjoyed being cruel to animals at a very young age, whether it was stepping on turtles for fun or imprisoning gorillas in cages for his own amusement. It is said that when his truly dark side emerges he believes himself to be a kind of evil twin he refers to as "Wario". This split-personality allows Mario to compartmentalize away many of his worst acts because, in his own mind, it is not Mario who is carrying them out but rather this other-self, "Wario".
Financial Records: In keeping with his deceitful nature, Mario carefully projects a public image as a blue-collar every man, a simple Italian immigrant who owns a family-run plumbing business with his brother. In reality, Mario's fortune is estimated to be in the billions, mostly in gold Krugerrands which he claims to find simply lying around the street, in the sewer system and, most implausibly, in the clouds. The real origins of his fortune seem to be from running various scams, the most profitable of which is staging the kidnapping of wealthy young socialites whom Mario then "rescues" and returns to a grateful family to much acclaim and , of course, a generous financial reward.
Name: Q*Bert
Personal and Medical History: An up-and-coming star in the early eighties , Q*Bert soon found himself out-of-work after the Great Video Crash of 1983. Things began to look up for Q*Bert when a production company hired him to star in a new children's show, the now-famous Teletubbies. Although his physical appearance was perfect for the role, his legendary potty-mouth and bad temper got him fired after only a single episode when the former child-star directed an epic, profanity-laced tirade at a shocked studio audience filled with astonished parents and crying children. Now at rock bottom, Q*Bert jumped off the stairs of a floating, outer space pyramid thing in an attempt to end his own life. During the year-long hospital recovery, Q*Bert was finally diagnosed with an extreme form of Tourette Syndrome, seemingly explaining a life-long, self-destructive pattern of uncontrollable profanity and other inappropriate comments. No longer wishing to be in the spotlight, Q*Bert now lives a quiet life on a secluded dairy farm in Vermont alongside his life partner of many years, that spacesuit-looking guy from Dig Dug.
Financial Records: When is the last time you put a quarter into a Q*Bert arcade cabinet? Well, no one else has either. He has no income.
