...then Zhao Yun, the great Chin Warrior and the saviour of all the land of Chin, was forced back into the fires of battle! Armed with his Dragon's Tooth Pike, Heavy Kiln-Hardened Armour, and the latest in Designer Greaves, Zhao Yun led the forces of good into battle against the fell legions of the nefarious and unshaven Cao Cao. This, Zhao Yun knew, would be the greatest battle of all time!
Upon Arrival at the base camp, Zhao Yun dismounted his great white steed, and found himself accosted by the outlandish requests of the locals, "Zhao Yun! Take us with you! You are great and you will lead us to victory!" Zhao Yun looked on the multitudes of oppressed peasants, and with a nod from his top military advisor and trusted friend, Kong Rong, he accepted the gracious offer of the under-armed and unavoidbly inept peasants, who yelled in delighted unison at their greatest success - they were now not only fighting for themselves, they were fighting for the ancient land of Chin.
Zhao Yun thrust his mighty pike forward - and with a roar that no man of Chin could rival he called forth the might of the gods themselves! The multitudinous forces of Zhao Yun charged forth in a blind rage, thrashing and stabbing the enemy with unparalelled ferocity. The gods must have been with them at that moment! The glory! The carnage! Zhao Yun moved with the grace of a thousand swans and the might of a thousand more pandas, with the swiftness of a thousand hawks and the mentality of a thousand randy bulls!
The battle was sure to be won by the mighty Zhao Yun and his forces, both with the armies of Chin and the peasant horde! UNTIL the peasant horde moved through the front lines... in five different directions... and split up in groups so small that they would surely perish when they encountered and Zhao Yun was not there to assist them. Then, in similar suit, the glorious armies of Zhao Yun split into several smaller, weaker forces, and ran off in separate directions. In an act of unimaginable desperation, Zhao Yun realized the deterioration of his situation, and thus began hauling much ass to the first enemy encampment he could find.
Zhao Yun continued with fierce, unrelenting vigor and took camp after camp! There was never a greater battle fought than the battle of Zhao Yun this day, and yet... it was not enough. The peasant forces, split up and weakened were tragically struck down, one after another. Before the mothers, daughters, and mistresses of the fallen could begin their rites of mourning, the unintentionally separated forces of Zhao Yun also began to fall! After SIX wars had they learned nothing!? Together, they would be greater than the sum of their parts - and yet - now they had separated, and were falling in a battle with twelve fronts.
Zhao Yun, separated from the approaching Cao Cao by a tiny river, wasted no time leaping forth into the calm, shallow waters. His swimming skill, which he had just learned since the last war, was intense with strength... but weak in technique. Zhao Yun swam slowly, and he was surrounded by sheer cliff walls that went on forever. There was no way out! Zhao Yun swam and swam, and the sheer cliff walls kept popping up, mocking him! Mocking his lost victory!
Cao Cao, realizing his advantage on the battlefield, caused ten officers to randomly appear on the battlefield out of thin air! That nefarious Cao Cao! Zhao Yun, robbed of his victory and wrent of strength by his swim, now understood that loss was inevitable. Cao Cao proceeded on the peasants, and one camp after another cut them down mercilessly. And Zhao Yun, finally finding a way out of the river, ran up on dry land, ready and willing to annihilate the forces of evil! There in front of him was a Lieutenant of Cao Cao - Zhao Yun could already taste the sweet splendor of revenge! Zhao Yun swung his pike into the crowd, cutting down the throngs of fell soldiers with ease, his Renbu glowed with the glory of revenge!
Then... time itself began to slow... Zhao Yun was confused and misled by theslowing of time, and could not complete his masterful combos of the force pike... he fight, now choppy and slow, served only to hinder the great warrior further... How could this happen! Zhao Yun had been told by the gods that the pages of history had already been written with hir praises! This could not be! Fighting furiously without end, Zhao Yun cut down hundreds of his evil enemies, AND THEN! Kong Rong called off the attack... Cao Cao had advanced on the peasant encampment... and claimed victory on this unholiest of days...
The true sadness was that Zhao Yun had attempted this attack many times... twelve to be exact... and still could not claim victory... on EASY! He was quite seasoned in the realm of Dyansties and Warriors, and yet... his glorious knowledge of warfare and victory was ot enough. The land was innavigable, plagued by the lagging of time and the breaking of combos, and the idiocy of his own men and the peasants alike!
Zhao Yun was sorry he ever dished out sixty dollars for this unplayable crap. The next day he returned the crap and went home to play Warriors Orochi again. Yeah, that's a much better game, indeed.
4/10... And that's being gracious.
Upon Arrival at the base camp, Zhao Yun dismounted his great white steed, and found himself accosted by the outlandish requests of the locals, "Zhao Yun! Take us with you! You are great and you will lead us to victory!" Zhao Yun looked on the multitudes of oppressed peasants, and with a nod from his top military advisor and trusted friend, Kong Rong, he accepted the gracious offer of the under-armed and unavoidbly inept peasants, who yelled in delighted unison at their greatest success - they were now not only fighting for themselves, they were fighting for the ancient land of Chin.
Zhao Yun thrust his mighty pike forward - and with a roar that no man of Chin could rival he called forth the might of the gods themselves! The multitudinous forces of Zhao Yun charged forth in a blind rage, thrashing and stabbing the enemy with unparalelled ferocity. The gods must have been with them at that moment! The glory! The carnage! Zhao Yun moved with the grace of a thousand swans and the might of a thousand more pandas, with the swiftness of a thousand hawks and the mentality of a thousand randy bulls!
The battle was sure to be won by the mighty Zhao Yun and his forces, both with the armies of Chin and the peasant horde! UNTIL the peasant horde moved through the front lines... in five different directions... and split up in groups so small that they would surely perish when they encountered and Zhao Yun was not there to assist them. Then, in similar suit, the glorious armies of Zhao Yun split into several smaller, weaker forces, and ran off in separate directions. In an act of unimaginable desperation, Zhao Yun realized the deterioration of his situation, and thus began hauling much ass to the first enemy encampment he could find.
Zhao Yun continued with fierce, unrelenting vigor and took camp after camp! There was never a greater battle fought than the battle of Zhao Yun this day, and yet... it was not enough. The peasant forces, split up and weakened were tragically struck down, one after another. Before the mothers, daughters, and mistresses of the fallen could begin their rites of mourning, the unintentionally separated forces of Zhao Yun also began to fall! After SIX wars had they learned nothing!? Together, they would be greater than the sum of their parts - and yet - now they had separated, and were falling in a battle with twelve fronts.
Zhao Yun, separated from the approaching Cao Cao by a tiny river, wasted no time leaping forth into the calm, shallow waters. His swimming skill, which he had just learned since the last war, was intense with strength... but weak in technique. Zhao Yun swam slowly, and he was surrounded by sheer cliff walls that went on forever. There was no way out! Zhao Yun swam and swam, and the sheer cliff walls kept popping up, mocking him! Mocking his lost victory!
Cao Cao, realizing his advantage on the battlefield, caused ten officers to randomly appear on the battlefield out of thin air! That nefarious Cao Cao! Zhao Yun, robbed of his victory and wrent of strength by his swim, now understood that loss was inevitable. Cao Cao proceeded on the peasants, and one camp after another cut them down mercilessly. And Zhao Yun, finally finding a way out of the river, ran up on dry land, ready and willing to annihilate the forces of evil! There in front of him was a Lieutenant of Cao Cao - Zhao Yun could already taste the sweet splendor of revenge! Zhao Yun swung his pike into the crowd, cutting down the throngs of fell soldiers with ease, his Renbu glowed with the glory of revenge!
Then... time itself began to slow... Zhao Yun was confused and misled by theslowing of time, and could not complete his masterful combos of the force pike... he fight, now choppy and slow, served only to hinder the great warrior further... How could this happen! Zhao Yun had been told by the gods that the pages of history had already been written with hir praises! This could not be! Fighting furiously without end, Zhao Yun cut down hundreds of his evil enemies, AND THEN! Kong Rong called off the attack... Cao Cao had advanced on the peasant encampment... and claimed victory on this unholiest of days...
The true sadness was that Zhao Yun had attempted this attack many times... twelve to be exact... and still could not claim victory... on EASY! He was quite seasoned in the realm of Dyansties and Warriors, and yet... his glorious knowledge of warfare and victory was ot enough. The land was innavigable, plagued by the lagging of time and the breaking of combos, and the idiocy of his own men and the peasants alike!
Zhao Yun was sorry he ever dished out sixty dollars for this unplayable crap. The next day he returned the crap and went home to play Warriors Orochi again. Yeah, that's a much better game, indeed.
4/10... And that's being gracious.
