Emotional blurb?

[FlyingSquirrel]

Right... Been browsing the Escapist forums for quite some time, coming across very interesting topics and frequently thinking "I ought to reply to this..." but never did. I've finally registered and insteand I'm posting this. Partly because I've come to realise most people here "think like me" and partly because I need to vent - thank you for reading, I appreciate it. Reply please, I would like it, but I'm not looking for advice - I think this is a process of looking into myself.

I've just spent the night with the most beautiful girl I've ever met, without any of the action expected, we just watched a movie. Why nothing you ask? Why should I care you ask?

Good questions, and you shouldn't care in case there was any doubt. As I said, I'm talking about me and giving you a bit of detail about life as I go on. There is Mass Effect 3 trailer for you to watch if you've never lived, or if you have the soul of a pancake.

The story is long and I will spare you from the brunt of it, but there is a short version. I met a girl almost a year ago and fell for her. She's that kind of girl that will always make you smile. Pretty, funny, and most importantly, intelligent. Wonderful isn't it, she's a dream girl? Yes she is. Unfortunately, for me, I'm not a dream guy.

I drink, perhaps too much, I swear, I'm driven by greed and I'm a calculative bastard. Finance and Mathematics does, let's say interesting, things to one self. Personally I consider these to be good qualities in life. But they are not always practical. In this particular case, all of them failed. Charm, wit and humour failed me, leaving me with my most uncomfortable part, just plain me. That frigthening emotional chasm I so rarely look into.

It was terryfing. I offered myself and my feelings to her on a platter, left with no other options. She, being who she is, proved why she was the person I fell for, when she said "I'm not the girlfriend for you". Not with the expected rejection in eyes or tone, but something else. Sincerity. Do you remember the first time you really hurt your girl(boy) friend? That deep look of sadness? Yeah, that's the one...

I walked her home. When we got to her home, I asked if she wanted to watch a movie. Imagine my joy when she said she did. In any other situation, that would be a goal and I certainly wouldn't be telling this horrid little story here if it was, but it wasn't. What are ones boundaries when you've discussed everything prior to? Turns out both enjoy physical touch (non-genital I feel must be added) and eye contact, and both were enjoyed, by both parties.

This is the point of this essay. Choice. Should, shouldn't? How does one proceed from an impossible situation that appears not so impossible afterall? I walked home. Be the good man, I told myself. Let her make her choice, it's not your's to make.

I feel a final emotion has been left out. I should have kissed her as I left.

 

[Skorpyo]

Now THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is a gem of a first post. Kinda lost me in the beginning, though.

Anyway, I would very much like to say Welcome, sir, to the Escapist!

Stay out of the basement. Everybody's doing it.

Also, I ask that you please give the posting guidelines a quick peek, just to get an idea of what to watch for before you post. So many newcomers have been shot down for ignoring the guidelines.

Well then, OT: you've far more experience than me. I say that you take things as they come, and don't plan too far ahead. Seems like things with her are going to go quickly and wildly out of your control.

 

[Berethond]

Based on my experience, I would say that she likes you, but doesn't think that the two of you are compatible. This happens sometimes, and the best thing to do is enjoy your friendship while looking for someone else.

I know that's kind of downer advice, but I'm speaking from experience here.

 

[Imp Poster]

Welcome and happy holidays to you. Well, we all have vices in our lives. We all could use an improvement in many areas of our life and that doesn't make us any less of a human than anyone else. At least, you are aware of your vices. May you keep them in check and not let it control your life. And if you ever do decide to improve on them, you are already half way there by admitting these problems.

As to your girl problems(your last four paragraphs), that reminds me of this girl I was trying to date. I haven't asked her out. I was sure she knows that I liked her, but she never showed any signs that she liked me. And one day, I caught her on a bad day. So I, not knowing what the problem is, just was there for her, just trying to get her to see some fun, smile and laugh. After awhile, she wanted to go shopping and eat there. I freaking hate shopping and malls especially, but oh well, I thought great, she wants to do something. I learned alot from that experience. Women are indecisive. Not only that, but they can find something they absolutely love in the store, then just absolutely hate it at home. They can do one thing and do another(opposite to what they said) as well. People can change their minds. And just because you gave her no other options, that doesn't mean it is over. As long as you are genuine, I would just go with it. See where it takes you.

Also, I would stay away with handing yourself or any part of you on a platter to leave no other option unless it is a marriage proposal if I were you. At that point, you are selling/presenting something. You will need to go ALL THE WAY. Pouring every shred of your feelings/your being/your integrity to her. If you even hint feelings of doubt or unconfidence, she will most likely not buy it. Taking little steps like you did after is better way to go by asking to watch a movie. See? It is working.

SORRY FOR THE LONG POST

 

[FlyingSquirrel]

Thanks for all of your replies and the warm welcome, it's much appreciated.

I think the biggest problem for me, has been the mixed signals. Curse you mixed signals! As for course of action? I think Imp Poster is on to the right thing, and I hope Berethond is the one in the wrong. Only time will tell.

 

[zombiesinc]

This is the point of this essay. Choice. Should, shouldn't? How does one proceed from an impossible situation that appears not so impossible afterall? I walked home. Be the good man, I told myself. Let her make her choice, it's not your's to make.

I feel a final emotion has been left out. I should have kissed her as I left.

Those certainly are some mixed signals...

She could have felt a little overwhelmed and pressured when she told you that she wasn't the girlfriend for you. At least it seems this way because afterward, while you two watched a movie, she implied quite the opposite. Still, closeness shared between two people sometimes doesn't go beyond that moment, while others it means exactly what any sane person would think. I don't think she quite knows where she stands after all.

I believe this could be a great learning experience for you, or anyone. Although honesty and sharing your feelings for another person is ultimately most important, there are always times when it's best to not talk, and just develop with one another. The worst thing between any two people is jumping the gun and confessing several strong emotions before actually getting to know one another, or spending some quality time together. We all do it, and while it can be just as good as it can be bad, it's important to be able to figure out which approach is best suited for each unique situation.

As for whether or not you should have kissed her, well, I think I would have avoided kissing her as well, simply because of what she said at the beginning of the night. Though, at the same time, if I really felt something for her, and she was giving me such mixed signals, I likely would have gone for a kiss. It's possible that she'd get upset because of what she said at the beginning concerning you two, but she needs to understand that she gave very mixed signals. Shit, now I feel a little confused myself.

Really, if you like this girl, and have the chance to spend some time with her alone, and that moment pops up where all you can think about is kissing her, you should go for it. If she gets upset, explain your reasoning. If she likes it, well, congratulations my friend.

 

[BonsaiK]

Right... Been browsing the Escapist forums for quite some time, coming across very interesting topics and frequently thinking "I ought to reply to this..." but never did. I've finally registered and insteand I'm posting this. Partly because I've come to realise most people here "think like me" and partly because I need to vent - thank you for reading, I appreciate it. Reply please, I would like it, but I'm not looking for advice - I think this is a process of looking into myself.

I've just spent the night with the most beautiful girl I've ever met, without any of the action expected, we just watched a movie. Why nothing you ask? Why should I care you ask?

Good questions, and you shouldn't care in case there was any doubt. As I said, I'm talking about me and giving you a bit of detail about life as I go on. There is Mass Effect 3 trailer for you to watch if you've never lived, or if you have the soul of a pancake.

The story is long and I will spare you from the brunt of it, but there is a short version. I met a girl almost a year ago and fell for her. She's that kind of girl that will always make you smile. Pretty, funny, and most importantly, intelligent. Wonderful isn't it, she's a dream girl? Yes she is. Unfortunately, for me, I'm not a dream guy.

I drink, perhaps too much, I swear, I'm driven by greed and I'm a calculative bastard. Finance and Mathematics does, let's say interesting, things to one self. Personally I consider these to be good qualities in life. But they are not always practical. In this particular case, all of them failed. Charm, wit and humour failed me, leaving me with my most uncomfortable part, just plain me. That frigthening emotional chasm I so rarely look into.

It was terryfing. I offered myself and my feelings to her on a platter, left with no other options. She, being who she is, proved why she was the person I fell for, when she said "I'm not the girlfriend for you". Not with the expected rejection in eyes or tone, but something else. Sincerity. Do you remember the first time you really hurt your girl(boy) friend? That deep look of sadness? Yeah, that's the one...

I walked her home. When we got to her home, I asked if she wanted to watch a movie. Imagine my joy when she said she did. In any other situation, that would be a goal and I certainly wouldn't be telling this horrid little story here if it was, but it wasn't. What are ones boundaries when you've discussed everything prior to? Turns out both enjoy physical touch (non-genital I feel must be added) and eye contact, and both were enjoyed, by both parties.

This is the point of this essay. Choice. Should, shouldn't? How does one proceed from an impossible situation that appears not so impossible afterall? I walked home. Be the good man, I told myself. Let her make her choice, it's not your's to make.

I feel a final emotion has been left out. I should have kissed her as I left.

Don't sweat it too much and don't overanalyse it. Just enjoy it for what it is, and who knows where it might go. Maybe nowhere, but maybe not. Obviouysly she likes you on some kind of level, so why not just do a movie on the couch and some good conversation once a week or something and see what happens?

 

[Zaverexus]

I think the biggest problem for me, has been the mixed signals. Curse you mixed signals!

Ha!
Welcome to life, bro, enjoy the mixed signals, they never go away. Sorry if that's not helpful, that's just my experience, things will ALWAYS be difficult, but that's what makes it all rewarding.
Also, Welcome to Escapist, enjoy our mass collective of futile dating advice XD

PS: [MODERATORS PLEASE READ] Have you considered making a branch of Off-Topic Discussion for all these relationship/dating threads? We seem to have enough to do so.