Fallout 3 - An 'Eighth' Review
A Google Image Baby Tea Review.
Also known as: A GIBTR (Pronounced: GIB-TER)
Yes, it's true. I'm a sucker for gimmicky reviews. Whether it's the box art, the trailer, or this newest addition: The Google Image Search. The main point to take away from all these different reviewing platforms is this: I don't take these reviews seriously, and if you get annoyed, or offended, that I totally missed the point of your favorite game and it's characters/story/genre/love interest/brand of clothing...then please, re-read this intro.
Otherwise: Suck a lemon.
Here is the premise of the GIBTR: Everyone always says 'Google it!' when referring to things other people don't know. I mean, if people are to be believed, Google seems to have all the answers to life's big questions:
'How do I tie my shoes?' Google it!
'Why does my mom drink?' Google it!
'Did the guy that played Greedo in Star Wars really die by the hand of a mentally unstable Diana Ross one fateful Christmas morn?' Google it!
So, the same can go for games! But, since gaming is a visual medium, I'm choosing a random/popular/'whatever I feel like' game to put into the Google Image Search, and review the game entirely based on the very first image that comes up (With 'Large Images only' selected). Sound like a plan? Everyone on board? Keep your arms inside at all times, as we dive into...
Graphics:
Right away we see that the game is set in New Jersey. Unique, as I'm not sure any other game besides Diablo 2's 'Hell' level was ever based in such a terrible place. The graphics are pretty good! You've got the blood splatter on the screen, great resolution on the guy shooting, the thing dying, the terrain, and the mini-gun style jackhammer that seems to be standing up on it's own in the street. Pretty slick! You can even look into the distance and see the haze of smog that, as we all know, permeates the air of New Jersey (Henceforth known as: 'The Place We do not Mention').
As we all are aware, graphics make the game, and this seems to pass our first inspection with flying colors:
Graphics: 1000/1000
Gameplay and Story:
What can we see from this image that would tell us about the nature of the game? Well, one might assume that this is a sort of shoot 'em up, and I would whole heartedly agree. BUT, to those that are truly paying attention, you'll see how this game is like no other.
Scroll up and look at the picture once again, specifically at the 'thing' whose leg is being blown off.
Go ahead, scroll! I'll wait.
(So then I told the guy: '5 dollars!? What is this, a tanning salon??' And threw that taco at his daughter, who-)
OH! You're back!
Ok, so notice the position of the 'thing' (Henceforth known as 'Mayor of New Jersey', Or 'MaNewJer' for short). Why would he be in such an awkward position? MaNewJer obviously wasn't shot standing up. That wouldn't make sense. And why would the guy in blue (Now known as 'Mr Blue) be shooting off just the leg of poor MaNewJer?
And the answer is a simple as it is brilliant: MaNewJer was in the middle of break-dancing, when Mr Blue came and busted a cap in his...leg.
Which means this game could be played in one of two ways:
1) You are Mr Blue, purging 'The Place we do not Mention' from evil, break dancing dopplegangers of the one, true MaNewJer. It's a third person shooter, that has you running all over 'The Place we do not Mention', finding weapons, using vehicles, and completing missions to fully cleanse the land! It would be GTA style open world, and you know you'd be close to another doppleganger because you'd hear the beat of their music and see a crowd of people around chanting 'Go MaNewJer! Go MaNewJer!' while wearing parachute pants and large clocks.
Or
2) You are MaNewJer! Seeking to return funk to 'The Place we do not Mention', you set out with your boombox, phat freestyle break dancing moves, and a heart of gold. The problem is the police of 'TPWDNM' despise the freedom and fun such dancing promotes, and therefore shoot you on sight as a terrorist. You must use all of your cunning, spins, and 'running your ass off's to ditch police and get the message of 'Funk'N'Freestyle' to the people. It would also be third person (First person would be nauseating during the dancing parts) and open world. You'll have to travel to different city blocks and start dancing to attract enough people to watch and 'liberate' the block! But be careful! Higher-end places have more police who will gun you down! Plus, every now and again, riot police will encroach on a block you 'liberated' and you'll need to get back and dance to provide hope to the peaceful crowd as they throw firebombs and rocks.
If either game is true, sign me up! I either get to break dance or shoot break dancers! What's not to like? Those are my two passions in life (There can be only one!)!
Gameplay: 943/1000
Story: 891/1000
Summation: 2834/1000
I'm pretty psyched about this game, to be honest. Throw some multiplayer in there, a coop mode, a bitchen soundtrack, and an appearance by Steven Segal and you've got a blockbuster waiting to happen! But the name needs to change! Fallout 3 doesn't really convey the funk, or anti funk, that the screenshot implies. It should be called:
Fallout: Fighting The Funk
Or
Fallout: The Fighting Funk
-- Baby Tea
A Google Image Baby Tea Review.
Also known as: A GIBTR (Pronounced: GIB-TER)
Yes, it's true. I'm a sucker for gimmicky reviews. Whether it's the box art, the trailer, or this newest addition: The Google Image Search. The main point to take away from all these different reviewing platforms is this: I don't take these reviews seriously, and if you get annoyed, or offended, that I totally missed the point of your favorite game and it's characters/story/genre/love interest/brand of clothing...then please, re-read this intro.
Otherwise: Suck a lemon.
Here is the premise of the GIBTR: Everyone always says 'Google it!' when referring to things other people don't know. I mean, if people are to be believed, Google seems to have all the answers to life's big questions:
'How do I tie my shoes?' Google it!
'Why does my mom drink?' Google it!
'Did the guy that played Greedo in Star Wars really die by the hand of a mentally unstable Diana Ross one fateful Christmas morn?' Google it!
So, the same can go for games! But, since gaming is a visual medium, I'm choosing a random/popular/'whatever I feel like' game to put into the Google Image Search, and review the game entirely based on the very first image that comes up (With 'Large Images only' selected). Sound like a plan? Everyone on board? Keep your arms inside at all times, as we dive into...
We'll be rating this game on a few areas: Graphics, Gameplay, and Story.FALLOUT 3 said:
Graphics:
Right away we see that the game is set in New Jersey. Unique, as I'm not sure any other game besides Diablo 2's 'Hell' level was ever based in such a terrible place. The graphics are pretty good! You've got the blood splatter on the screen, great resolution on the guy shooting, the thing dying, the terrain, and the mini-gun style jackhammer that seems to be standing up on it's own in the street. Pretty slick! You can even look into the distance and see the haze of smog that, as we all know, permeates the air of New Jersey (Henceforth known as: 'The Place We do not Mention').
As we all are aware, graphics make the game, and this seems to pass our first inspection with flying colors:
Graphics: 1000/1000
Gameplay and Story:
What can we see from this image that would tell us about the nature of the game? Well, one might assume that this is a sort of shoot 'em up, and I would whole heartedly agree. BUT, to those that are truly paying attention, you'll see how this game is like no other.
Scroll up and look at the picture once again, specifically at the 'thing' whose leg is being blown off.
Go ahead, scroll! I'll wait.
(So then I told the guy: '5 dollars!? What is this, a tanning salon??' And threw that taco at his daughter, who-)
OH! You're back!
Ok, so notice the position of the 'thing' (Henceforth known as 'Mayor of New Jersey', Or 'MaNewJer' for short). Why would he be in such an awkward position? MaNewJer obviously wasn't shot standing up. That wouldn't make sense. And why would the guy in blue (Now known as 'Mr Blue) be shooting off just the leg of poor MaNewJer?
And the answer is a simple as it is brilliant: MaNewJer was in the middle of break-dancing, when Mr Blue came and busted a cap in his...leg.
Which means this game could be played in one of two ways:
1) You are Mr Blue, purging 'The Place we do not Mention' from evil, break dancing dopplegangers of the one, true MaNewJer. It's a third person shooter, that has you running all over 'The Place we do not Mention', finding weapons, using vehicles, and completing missions to fully cleanse the land! It would be GTA style open world, and you know you'd be close to another doppleganger because you'd hear the beat of their music and see a crowd of people around chanting 'Go MaNewJer! Go MaNewJer!' while wearing parachute pants and large clocks.
Or
2) You are MaNewJer! Seeking to return funk to 'The Place we do not Mention', you set out with your boombox, phat freestyle break dancing moves, and a heart of gold. The problem is the police of 'TPWDNM' despise the freedom and fun such dancing promotes, and therefore shoot you on sight as a terrorist. You must use all of your cunning, spins, and 'running your ass off's to ditch police and get the message of 'Funk'N'Freestyle' to the people. It would also be third person (First person would be nauseating during the dancing parts) and open world. You'll have to travel to different city blocks and start dancing to attract enough people to watch and 'liberate' the block! But be careful! Higher-end places have more police who will gun you down! Plus, every now and again, riot police will encroach on a block you 'liberated' and you'll need to get back and dance to provide hope to the peaceful crowd as they throw firebombs and rocks.
If either game is true, sign me up! I either get to break dance or shoot break dancers! What's not to like? Those are my two passions in life (There can be only one!)!
Gameplay: 943/1000
Story: 891/1000
Summation: 2834/1000
I'm pretty psyched about this game, to be honest. Throw some multiplayer in there, a coop mode, a bitchen soundtrack, and an appearance by Steven Segal and you've got a blockbuster waiting to happen! But the name needs to change! Fallout 3 doesn't really convey the funk, or anti funk, that the screenshot implies. It should be called:
Fallout: Fighting The Funk
Or
Fallout: The Fighting Funk
-- Baby Tea
