So I need a little advise on how to approach contacting my dad's ex wife to see about maybe getting possible can't act with my brothers. This is something that has been extremely hard, to not be able to see my brothers in over 5 years.
Now here's some background information on the situation. Il give the shortened version.
6 years ago I met my father for the first time in 17 years. My mum and dad had me when they were 18 and when the broke up only a year later they thought it best to go their seperate ways which resulted In me having no contact with my father. When I turned 18 I had been dating a guy that lived close to where my paternal grandfather lived. He died suddenly and a friend decided to take it apron themselves to inform the rest of my paternal relations of my whereabouts. A cousin on my dad's side contacted me and asked if I would like to meet my father. Which I agreed to.
We met, and after a long discussion we decided to not waste anymore time and get to know each other. I found out my dad had married and had two boys. Although my dad and his wife had seperated they brought up the boys together.
I spent a wonderful year gettin to know my dad and my two younger brothers. In 2008, 1 year after I met my father, he died. He committed suicde. His was the hardest thing to come to terms with.
Now in the week between when my dad died to his burial, my paternal grandmother whom I had never had any real contact with, turned up. She had a few rows with my dad's ex wife which ended their relationship completely on terms. .
The last time I have seen my brothers was at my dad's funeral. I had seen my dad's ex wife a few months later at the inquest, but it was not really the time to request contact with my brothers. A month later around Christmas I asked my paternal grandmother, if it was possible for me to either have my dad's ex wife's phone number as I wanted to maintain the contact I had with my brothers. They are a lot younger than I am and at that time were only 5 and 8. And with their parents splitting up then meeting and starting a relationship with a sister they never knew about to their father dying, I thought that maybe so much had been snatched away from them that maybe if their mother agreed they could still have a relationship with me. But my grandmother refused to let that happen. She told me it was my fault my dad killed himself and that she never wanted to know me and even though she had no real contact with my brothers she knew they wouldn't want to know me either.
This distroyed me. Now lot of time has went by and I have tried other ways and asked people if they would possibly pass on to my dad's ex wife that I still want to see the boys but my grandmother has stopped this.
I recently found my dad's ex wife on Facebook. And I have been thinking about contacting her via Facebook to discuss possible contact with her. My problem is anyone who I have talked to have told me to just leave it and move on, that I'm only setting myself up for more heartbreak and I understand that there is a strong possibility that she will just say no, but I would rather ask than not. And just have the what ifs in my head. I don't know what to do and this is something that I have struggled with for 5 years now.
So does anyone have any advise on this. If it were one of you what would you do!?
Now here's some background information on the situation. Il give the shortened version.
6 years ago I met my father for the first time in 17 years. My mum and dad had me when they were 18 and when the broke up only a year later they thought it best to go their seperate ways which resulted In me having no contact with my father. When I turned 18 I had been dating a guy that lived close to where my paternal grandfather lived. He died suddenly and a friend decided to take it apron themselves to inform the rest of my paternal relations of my whereabouts. A cousin on my dad's side contacted me and asked if I would like to meet my father. Which I agreed to.
We met, and after a long discussion we decided to not waste anymore time and get to know each other. I found out my dad had married and had two boys. Although my dad and his wife had seperated they brought up the boys together.
I spent a wonderful year gettin to know my dad and my two younger brothers. In 2008, 1 year after I met my father, he died. He committed suicde. His was the hardest thing to come to terms with.
Now in the week between when my dad died to his burial, my paternal grandmother whom I had never had any real contact with, turned up. She had a few rows with my dad's ex wife which ended their relationship completely on terms. .
The last time I have seen my brothers was at my dad's funeral. I had seen my dad's ex wife a few months later at the inquest, but it was not really the time to request contact with my brothers. A month later around Christmas I asked my paternal grandmother, if it was possible for me to either have my dad's ex wife's phone number as I wanted to maintain the contact I had with my brothers. They are a lot younger than I am and at that time were only 5 and 8. And with their parents splitting up then meeting and starting a relationship with a sister they never knew about to their father dying, I thought that maybe so much had been snatched away from them that maybe if their mother agreed they could still have a relationship with me. But my grandmother refused to let that happen. She told me it was my fault my dad killed himself and that she never wanted to know me and even though she had no real contact with my brothers she knew they wouldn't want to know me either.
This distroyed me. Now lot of time has went by and I have tried other ways and asked people if they would possibly pass on to my dad's ex wife that I still want to see the boys but my grandmother has stopped this.
I recently found my dad's ex wife on Facebook. And I have been thinking about contacting her via Facebook to discuss possible contact with her. My problem is anyone who I have talked to have told me to just leave it and move on, that I'm only setting myself up for more heartbreak and I understand that there is a strong possibility that she will just say no, but I would rather ask than not. And just have the what ifs in my head. I don't know what to do and this is something that I have struggled with for 5 years now.
So does anyone have any advise on this. If it were one of you what would you do!?
