Finding people repulsive (unable to see past the "superficial layer of people's personalities")

[bigwon]

So I've been bouncing around ideas to make a substantial thread conversation about this and figured that would probably not work so to fulfil my curiosity despite that. Otherwise I just want to ensure you all that this is not one of those pre-'go out killing white girls' manifesto's or anything of the like...I'm not that deprived...hehe

I find that despite my interest in socialising, meeting a special someone, etc. I find myself 'unaligned' 'out of tune' with the general people I come across. I feel like an observer of this strange group of people as they are observers of this strange person (me). Despite all of the different settings i put myself in (ranging from open mics at bars, book/poetry clubs, new age spiritual gatherings, environmentalist gatherings, minimum wage employment,etc) I've yet to really click with folks, and go beyond anything that convinces me that they aren't just unaware automatons (exaggeration but the feeling applies).

Now I'm under the impression that I carry this same uncanny valley feeling from other people's perspective and I always feel a mutual discomfort whenever i have conversation that deviates from weather talk. *i.e obvious physical cues, shying away from me, etc.*

I don't consider myself a shy person, maybe anxious as I tend to get frustrated when i'm exposed to people for too long. (The couple of friends i do have usually end up tiring me out to the point were i need to leave somewhere and lie down *despite their best intentions*)

I'm sort of a spiritual/philosophy/metaphysics nerd to the point that things like world economy/careers/environmentalism/politics/consumerism/lets save the world/etc. have been gradually fading out of my f***s to give. Although I can't find a real connection with spiritual/philosophy/metaphysical types so I'm assuming it's something unrelated.

I'm mainly interested in finding out if their's those who find themselves in a similar predicament and if they might have any ways to freshen my perspective on things. Otherwise you just have your own spin on the whole thing?

comments below!

 

[briankoontz]

You haven't accepted yourself as part of society. In theory this could go on for your entire life - take Vivian Maier for example. You want to be above it all. Maybe the best way for you to become otherwise is to examine other people very closely and give a lot of thought to why they do what they do. This greater appreciation for others should segue into taking a place among them, but only if you begin with the will to do so.

This is a common modern phenomenon and goes hand-in-hand with the dying world. People blame humanity in one way or another for approaching human extermination, therefore they no longer want to be part of the "corrupt human race", therefore they disassociate themselves from human society.

The first step is usually to stop being obsessed about blaming humanity for it's problems. Noone knows to what extent "human nature" is meaningful, and even if it means something and has some relationship to the world's death humanity itself is the only thing that can improve the world. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

The "fun" thing is that this desire to disassociate oneself from human society works both ways. So while you want to maintain distance from "corrupt humans" those very "corrupt humans" want to maintain distance from you.

Here's what the esteemed wise sage, most brilliant of all human beings Benjamin Netanyahu has to say on the matter:

"A deep and wide moral divide separates us from our enemies. They sanctify death. We sanctify life. They sanctify cruelty. We sanctify compassion."

Within this concept of a corrupt humanity which is causing the death of the world is the flip side - a heroic humanity which is saving the world. So these heroes "make the desert bloom", "repopulate the human race", while the corrupt humanity which is causing the death of the world are zombies, best simply killed to free up space for the heroic humans to save the world. To be fair though, zombies are often spoken more highly of than Palestinians are by Netanyahu.

The modern apocalyptic reality we live in hasn't even begun to be fully understood, although many people are working on it so within another decade we may understand a lot more than we do now.

 

[bigwon]

Thanks Brian! I think i'm going to start with what you suggested in the 1st paragraph.

I suppose my main problem is just focusing too much on ascension, the disintegration of desire, nirvana, etc. and not enough just honing in on the moment. I can only imagine the amount of will power it'll take to get out of this rut with everything said.

I don't feel like i'm putting myself above people and visioning an ideal world as much as I'm just coming to terms about my confusion of it all *being in flux of sorts*. Otherwise I'm a pretty grumpy bastard...hehe, their's those times were I just pass by a cheery old lady and I can work as a sort of amplifier to that positivity. I think it's just my lack of patience when dealing with folks that aren't completely ideal. Given all that young people hormones and tv programming going on in me (not doing a good enough job of avoiding it..hehe) perhaps it's just a matter of time.

All of what you said though is pretty darned accurate/relevant and I imagine It's just a matter of sticking around and plucking away it. Thanks for the awesome feedback!

 

[Lieju]

Erm, I went through something similar when I was a teenager, thought it was what growing up was about, turned out I had a serious depression.

Medication and therapy helped.

 

[shootthebandit]

Erm, I went through something similar when I was a teenager, thought it was what growing up was about, turned out I had a serious depression.

Medication and therapy helped.

Thats maybe a bit hasty

Spiritualism/philosophy/metaphysics can be pretty intense stuff. Yes they are good conversations but if thats all you discuss then people will be put off. General conversation is pleasant. Perhaps it might be good to take a step back and just have a general conversation. Talk about anything it doesnt matter, most people have got something to say

 

[AnarchistFish]

sounds kinda like you're schizotypal tbh

obviously not wanting to go around with the armchair diagnoses cos i'm no psychiatrist, and it may not be something you wanna pathologise, but you may wanna look into it and see if anything resonates with you

 

[bigwon]

Very interesting responses, I've always found depression to be more of symptom or side effect to a deeper rooted problem so I could never just stop their. I hope all has worked towards the better Lieju.

I do casual conversation here and their, I find that it isn't fulfilling as i do it though. It feels like a terrible feedback loop of 'My lack of interest > Fueled aggression > Repressed agression' than off i go. I'm totally open to the idea that my conversation isn't interesting at all btw..hehe I normally don't need it.

It feels as though i only have interest in women, if i didn't see another man for the rest of my life I would probably not care (as far as social interaction goes with said people)...If it wasn't for sexual attraction I probably would probably be able to live in a monastery for the rest of my life. I feel as though i'm able to take advantage of this (i.e no junk food, no watching tv, no alchohal, no drugs, no fancy clothes, useless products) to the point that I might actual be able to remove my biological footprint...hehe I'm not quite their yet, but you can see were this is going.

which leads me to that interesting suggestion Anarchist Fish. I looked at the page and everything shown their seems to indicate that someone's been following me with a hidden camera/notepad...hehe I chuckled when it mentioned superstitious and paranormal beliefs, shamanism and the like.

It seems to pretty much size up my life from a wee little lad onwards. It's probably something i'd stick to studying in books and articles for the next while.

 

[Supdupadog]

All those post ellipses "Heh"s make you sound kinda crazy man. Or atleast very pretentious.

From the sound of things you should be a hermit. Mountain, desert, jungle, whichever cave has less poisonous insects.

 

[L. Declis]

Sigh.

You sound like a 15 year old who has read a lot on one subject and focused on it to the point of exclusion to others, including your spelling and grammar.

If you only talk about one topic to the detriment of all others, you are a boring person.

Have you read all the classic books? Seen the classic films? Do you know modern news? Do you know the Presidents of the US, UK, France, Germany, Japan, China, Australia, Israel, Palestine and Russia? If not, you are a boring person.

Social interaction goes both ways; if you're putting this on, stop it. If you're not putting this on, you probably have some kind of mental or social issue and that needs to be seen to.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Well you hit the "what is it all about" stage of life, where everything seems weird and redundant. And most of it is really, but once you figure out what stuff you are into it gets easy to find people to connect with and ignore those of no use.

In short this is about you figuring out who you are as a person, it will take time and be all very strange before it's done (but this is how humans learn things).

 

[BanicRhys]

(Mainly posting so I can easily return after some more interesting posts are made.)

I've been going through a similar crisis recently.

Working at a large retail outlet (I know), I meet a lot of people on a daily basis. Whether they be customers or coworkers, a vast quantity of these people seem like mundane, brain dead cattle. I constantly remind myself that it's equally stupid to judge a person based on the most superficial of interactions, but there's still a part of me that believes it. This feeling isn't reserved for strangers either, I feel like this when I'm around people I'm more familiar with too, I can count on one hand the number of people I respect on an intellectual basis.

Again, I try to stay humble, but this feeling of disconnection refuses to dissipate. I'm hoping this is just my hipster phase.

This also helps keep me grounded somewhat.

 

[Coruptin]

I remember being like that. Man, what I'd give to beat the cynicism out of my younger self. I know this probably isn't going to be helpful, but I took the dissonance between feeling singled out and different but also feeling like I wasn't that special or noteworthy and just amplified one of those feelings. I applied common sense and told myself I wasn't noteworthy that I was alike most other people. After that I guess the brain took care of the dissonance and I beat depression and cynicism in the face. I refused the notion that I even had the right to consider myself extraordinary, any more clever or having obscure interests. You are always more alike than unlike any other person.
Getting rid of the thought that I might be different in any way, for good or ill, allowed me to stop obsessing over trivial details.

 

[bigwon]

I'll probably end my input after this post (not much else for me to add)

I am 23, I would just like to clarify that I didn't mean that I feel people are any less interesting or well read (i.e the study of trivia). In that case I would consider myself the ultimate ignoramus and would only expect for those who are critical of such things to write me off. In regards to this, I used the word 'interesting' in a very strange context and apologize for that.

As far as (from my perspective) more substantial things like scientific, political, cultural advancements goes I do my best to be critical, wade out what is not particular to my skill/talent set and move towards being someone who can at least be a help to someone if not myself.

I would say it's more to do with emotion and enlightenment, just being able to see someone and tell that they are enjoying things. When I look at people I feel like their asleep or unaware of their hidden potential to be infinitely joyous or loving of one another. I look at people and always feel that they are susceptible to the ability of flaying me alive in the town square, beedy eye's and all (think Nazism) . I feel I have this insane expectation of seeing everyone live like a buddha/christ/etc.

Do I see myself as someone who is all great and wonderful? not close! I honestly think it is all very irrational but like some of you in this thread, the feeling persists regardless. It feels more like a cynic rattling on in my head more so then actually being the cynic.

I thank you all for your input, it's been a great help!