"Friends" Suddenly distant.

[Svenparty]

I don't usually do these kind of threads but over the last few days I feel I need to explain my situation to someone anonymous. I'm living in Student Accomadation with 6 other people and recently I stated: "I wouldn't get a dog to pick up chinese chicks cause they eat dogs in China" this seemed to not offend anyone until it became fun to act distant towards me.

Up until now they have been good friends to me and we have even laughed over (What I consider) more offensive jokes, This is a nightmare situation for me because I have to live with these people for a year and it feels like it's all ruined. I ask them if they are off with me and they claim not to be, but I found out last night WHY they were annoyed when someone who wasn't even there began ranting about hating Racists(Clearly aimed at me.

Overall I'm strung out by it all, I hate the fact they have this fantasy of me as a racist especially considering my past relationships. It's so petty that people take this much joy in ignoring friends instead of talking about their issues.

Thank you for any input.

 

[Batou667]

Try speaking to a few of them individually. Ask whether it was that one comment that was really unacceptable or if there's something else. And if need be, get prepared to make a semi-formal public apology and eat some humble pie.

But speak to a few people first and establish what the actual issue is. No point preparing a 10-page essay entitled "Why I'm Not Racist, Just Misunderstood" when actually everyone is pissed at you for leaving crumbs in the butter and never buying toilet paper.

 

[Svenparty]

Try speaking to a few of them individually. Ask whether it was that one comment that was really unacceptable or if there's something else. And if need be, get prepared to make a semi-formal public apology and eat some humble pie.

But speak to a few people first and establish what the actual issue is. No point preparing a 10-page essay entitled "Why I'm Not Racist, Just Misunderstood" when actually everyone is pissed at you for leaving crumbs in the butter and never buying toilet paper.

Asked they declared it was "Everything" although a week ago they were laughing with me at any antics, I actually have toned it down a lot but there is such an unease that they seem to enjoy...

Thank you for your advice.

 

[Batou667]

Hmm, they sound like a complete laugh riot. Time to find some new friends.

 

[Florion]

Well, it was a racist joke, so maybe they were just being polite when they laughed at what you considered to be "more offensive" jokes. If you truly believe that your actions and words were not racist, then find new friends with blacker senses of humour, but maybe this is a wake-up call that you don't know how to read a situation.

 

[Svenparty]

Well, it was a racist joke, so maybe they were just being polite when they laughed at what you considered to be "more offensive" jokes. If you truly believe that your actions and words were not racist, then find new friends with blacker senses of humour, but maybe this is a wake-up call that you don't know how to read a situation.

I think I'll take the "more fun" option of finding friends that listen to reason and know the difference between Racism and Racist jokes.

 

[EcstaticObsessive]

You could just lay off the racist jokes. If you make them all the time, it's going to stop being a joke, and start being offensive, even if you don't mean it to be.

Just apologise, and try to be a bit more aware of how your friends feel towards you.

 

[dcaseyjones]

Honestly dude, you may be reading too much into this. Everyone tells a badly-aimed joke every now and then; I can't imagine anyone, let alone a whole group of friends cutting you out of their lives because of it.

The more you react to them growing distant and the more you try to take back what you said, I think the more distance you'll put between yourself and them. If you drink with these people on an even semi-regular basis, or have any casual time with one of them, I'd say casually bring it up, if at all. Your best move may be to call them all out to have a drink one night, and after everyone's having a good time, CASUALLY mention that you didn't mean to upset anyone with that joke.

And then it may help not to tell any racist jokes anymore. But don't make a big drama thing out of it to them, or else they'll just peg you as someone who's trying too hard to have friends.