Site traffic/posting frequency has reached pretty impressive doldrums so maybe this could liven things up a bit.
As title states, there is a thumbs up/down button you can click if you find a Steam review ?helpful? or simply ?funny?. Not sure how the latter got started but there?s truly something to be said for the effectiveness of reading the typed word vs merely watching or listening to it that seems to resonate far better.
I?ve encountered quite a few examples but here?s one I read today by a fellow that goes by The_Penguin (apologies in advance if it doesn?t copy over well on mobile) -
Took a stroll by the river with my sweetheart.
Sweetheart tells me to meet her in a couple days.
I decide to forward the main quest a little while I wait.
I ride up to Rattay to talk to their scribe and access their library.
The scribe's nowhere to be found.
I ask the Bailaff in the hopes he might know where the scribe is.
The Bailaff couldn't give less of a♥♥♥♥♥♥where the scribe is.
Distraught, I drown my sorrows in booze like my dead blacksmith daddy taught me.
I stumble through town, hiccuping my way back to the Bailaff's place hoping the scribe's decided to return.
The scribe decided not to return.
I start getting a little miffed about this whole situation.
In desperation, I ask to see if the Bailaff has any new ideas where the Scribe might be.
The Bailaff tells me to♥♥♥♥♥♥off.
I kill the Bailaff.
I throw his body down the nearby flight of stairs because at this point why not.
My intoxication buff has just ended.
My hangover buff has just begun.
Despite the blurry vertigo, I manage to climb the flight of stairs up to the Bailaff's master bedroom.
I break into his bedroom and steal all his♥♥♥♥♥♥in a unceremonious act of alcohol-induced frustration.
My horse can't carry any more of his♥♥♥♥♥♥
Literally and figuratively, I also can't take any more of his♥♥♥♥♥♥
I go into sneak mode and make my way through the opposite entrance to the bedroom.
I tip-toe into an adjacent room I don't recognize.
Someone's snoring to my right that I don't recognize.
I take a closer look.
It's the scribe.
The mother♥♥♥♥ing scribe's been sleeping upstairs above his mother♥♥♥♥ing designated scribe area this whole time.
Realizing I'm somehow not trespassing, I excitedly wake him up expecting to finally finish this stupid god-awful quest.
The scribe gets out of bed.
"Huh?! Get away from me!"
The scribe starts sprinting down the stairs out into the busy courtyard.
I sprint after him.
A spontaneous villager blocks the way out of the building.
I beat the living♥♥♥♥♥♥out of the spontaneous villager and continue my chase.
I realize that probably wasn't a great idea.
Three guards are running towards me now.
I run back into the Bailaff's place.
The guards keep on my tail.
I forget the fact the Bailaff's still lying at the foot of the stairs.
Five guards are running towards me now.
I desperately hide in a nearby food cellar thinking the guards won't notice me.
The guards noticed me.
They demand I surrender and I oblige.
"You're going to pay for your crimes!" one of the guards yells at me.
In the corner of my screen I see the scribe walking nonchalantly back up to his room.
This lazy ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥'s just mocking me now.
I tell the guard I'm on a secret mission.
The guard sarcastically quips "My heart bleeds for you ..."
I try to pay off the guard like I've done in prior law breaking sessions.
Fifty gold.
♥♥♥♥.
"Alright, take me to jail" I reply, utterly defeated and still a bit hungover.
Ten days, and ten real life minutes (because even my computer doesn't ♥♥♥♥ing trust me), go by.
"I hope you learnt your lesson."
I didn't learn my lesson.
I realize I was supposed to meet my sweetheart eight days ago.
I run back to the mill.
She doesn't accept the "I murdered the bailaff stole over 5000 coins worth of♥♥♥♥♥♥from the royal palace tried to murder the palace scribe assaulted an innocent women who just happened to be standing in my way and tried to resist arrest by the understandly belligerent authorities" excuse I give her.
I'm single now.
I ride up to Rattay to drown my sorrows in booze and debauchery like my ol' blacksmith daddy taught me.
I catch a glimpse of a familiar figure at the center of town.
It's the scribe.
I dismount my horse in the hopes he will at least let me complete this stupid, ♥♥♥♥♥♥ quest.
He proceeds to bolt in the opposite direction.
I remount my horse.
10/10 would trample a scribe and shoot fifteen arrows into his back again
As title states, there is a thumbs up/down button you can click if you find a Steam review ?helpful? or simply ?funny?. Not sure how the latter got started but there?s truly something to be said for the effectiveness of reading the typed word vs merely watching or listening to it that seems to resonate far better.
I?ve encountered quite a few examples but here?s one I read today by a fellow that goes by The_Penguin (apologies in advance if it doesn?t copy over well on mobile) -
Took a stroll by the river with my sweetheart.
Sweetheart tells me to meet her in a couple days.
I decide to forward the main quest a little while I wait.
I ride up to Rattay to talk to their scribe and access their library.
The scribe's nowhere to be found.
I ask the Bailaff in the hopes he might know where the scribe is.
The Bailaff couldn't give less of a♥♥♥♥♥♥where the scribe is.
Distraught, I drown my sorrows in booze like my dead blacksmith daddy taught me.
I stumble through town, hiccuping my way back to the Bailaff's place hoping the scribe's decided to return.
The scribe decided not to return.
I start getting a little miffed about this whole situation.
In desperation, I ask to see if the Bailaff has any new ideas where the Scribe might be.
The Bailaff tells me to♥♥♥♥♥♥off.
I kill the Bailaff.
I throw his body down the nearby flight of stairs because at this point why not.
My intoxication buff has just ended.
My hangover buff has just begun.
Despite the blurry vertigo, I manage to climb the flight of stairs up to the Bailaff's master bedroom.
I break into his bedroom and steal all his♥♥♥♥♥♥in a unceremonious act of alcohol-induced frustration.
My horse can't carry any more of his♥♥♥♥♥♥
Literally and figuratively, I also can't take any more of his♥♥♥♥♥♥
I go into sneak mode and make my way through the opposite entrance to the bedroom.
I tip-toe into an adjacent room I don't recognize.
Someone's snoring to my right that I don't recognize.
I take a closer look.
It's the scribe.
The mother♥♥♥♥ing scribe's been sleeping upstairs above his mother♥♥♥♥ing designated scribe area this whole time.
Realizing I'm somehow not trespassing, I excitedly wake him up expecting to finally finish this stupid god-awful quest.
The scribe gets out of bed.
"Huh?! Get away from me!"
The scribe starts sprinting down the stairs out into the busy courtyard.
I sprint after him.
A spontaneous villager blocks the way out of the building.
I beat the living♥♥♥♥♥♥out of the spontaneous villager and continue my chase.
I realize that probably wasn't a great idea.
Three guards are running towards me now.
I run back into the Bailaff's place.
The guards keep on my tail.
I forget the fact the Bailaff's still lying at the foot of the stairs.
Five guards are running towards me now.
I desperately hide in a nearby food cellar thinking the guards won't notice me.
The guards noticed me.
They demand I surrender and I oblige.
"You're going to pay for your crimes!" one of the guards yells at me.
In the corner of my screen I see the scribe walking nonchalantly back up to his room.
This lazy ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥'s just mocking me now.
I tell the guard I'm on a secret mission.
The guard sarcastically quips "My heart bleeds for you ..."
I try to pay off the guard like I've done in prior law breaking sessions.
Fifty gold.
♥♥♥♥.
"Alright, take me to jail" I reply, utterly defeated and still a bit hungover.
Ten days, and ten real life minutes (because even my computer doesn't ♥♥♥♥ing trust me), go by.
"I hope you learnt your lesson."
I didn't learn my lesson.
I realize I was supposed to meet my sweetheart eight days ago.
I run back to the mill.
She doesn't accept the "I murdered the bailaff stole over 5000 coins worth of♥♥♥♥♥♥from the royal palace tried to murder the palace scribe assaulted an innocent women who just happened to be standing in my way and tried to resist arrest by the understandly belligerent authorities" excuse I give her.
I'm single now.
I ride up to Rattay to drown my sorrows in booze and debauchery like my ol' blacksmith daddy taught me.
I catch a glimpse of a familiar figure at the center of town.
It's the scribe.
I dismount my horse in the hopes he will at least let me complete this stupid, ♥♥♥♥♥♥ quest.
He proceeds to bolt in the opposite direction.
I remount my horse.
10/10 would trample a scribe and shoot fifteen arrows into his back again
