George Carlin

[hinataxemnas]

He was a great comedian until he passed away in 2008. Does anyone want to share their favorite jokes of his? I'll start:

"I'm getting IN the plane! Let Evil Kenivel get on the plane! There seems to be a little less wind in here!"

Yes, Kenivel is probably spelled wrong, but that is not the point of this topic. Please just reminisce of your favorite George Carlin memories.

 

[SnootyEnglishman]

Shit
Piss
Fuck
****
Cock Sucker
Mother Fucker and
Tits.

The famous Seven words you can't say on television and radio.

there's also the different types of farts.

Fizz
Fazz
Fizz-Fazz
Rip-shit
Tear-Ass
and Whoosh.

 

[Mr. Omega]

Modern Man. LOOK IT UP! It's not exactly his funniest, but it's his wittiest, still very funny, and just great to listen to (like most of his material).

 

[dancinginfernal]

Oh god, Carlin was fantastic.

"I like people, but I like people for short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods at a time."

"-and my reason for this, my reason is one that you may share. I have a very low tolerance level for stupid bullshit."

 

[hinataxemnas]

Modern Man. LOOK IT UP! It's not exactly his funniest, but it's his wittiest, still very funny, and just great to listen to (like most of his material).

I acutally have listened to modern man and found it very funny. It was also very witty as you said.

 

[Red Bomb]

The 10 commandments. Just pure and utter class:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzEs2nj7iZM

 

[Child]

I have always been willing to put myself at great personal risk for the sake of entertainment.
I have always been willing to put YOU at great personal risk for the same reason.

 

[strum4h]

Modern Man. LOOK IT UP! It's not exactly his funniest, but it's his wittiest, still very funny, and just great to listen to (like most of his material).

Loved it. Saw it a while back and it blew me away. His airplane safety rule sketch always gets me.

 

[Onyx Oblivion]

Carlin has so much good stuff.

I CAN'T DECIDE WHAT TO POST!

 

[viranimus]

Carlin has so much good stuff.

I CAN'T DECIDE WHAT TO POST!

Amen, its like having one saucer at an all you can eat buffet.. How do you choose? Truly one of the most insightful and wise individuals of our time. I dare put him up on the same level as a Socrates

 

[Tanis]

I always loved this sketch:

 

[xDarc]

You don't need to shower every day. Just pay attention to the 4 key areas; armpits, asshole, crotch and teeth. You can save time by using the same brush on all four!

 

[soilent]

I saw him in 06, middle seat, 2nd row, best time of my high school life.

 

[Eumersian]

My favorite bit of his. He doesn't even curse that much.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac

 

[ssssuuuullll]

The religion is bullshit section. Fucking classy

 

[Soujiro621]

While I really do like George Carlin, I'm more a fan of his older stuff. Pre-90's era older I mean. Not his pre-70's era stuff.

Before the 90's it was really more geared towards observation and language, by the time he died he was just far too cynical for my tastes. It seemed that much of his stuff was just complaining about different things that he didn't like.

Not to say he didn't have some really funny bits; his one about the airlines safety lecture and that is easily one of my favorites. As is his bit about cars in the beginning of Complaints and Grievances.

 

[Vrach]

You know what that means? It means that at some point in a man's life he thought to himself 'You know, I'd like to set those people over there on fire, but they're too far away. If only there was a means to throw fire...

Give us 500 000 and paint them dark brown... we don't want anyone to SEE THEM!

Have you ever noticed how everyone else's stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?

His way of presenting and delivering it is so fantastic though, it doesn't do his jokes quite the justice to just write them, so one of my favourite vids (this one's more about his intelligence than just humour though, but has fantastic funny parts):

Favourite part: "The planet is fine! ...the PEOPLE are fucked!!"

Look up the "Airplane safety" video however (the one that had the joke from the OP!), it's long and UTTERLY awesome, I was in hysterics barely able to breathe at the end

 

[Lust]

Go into a quiet store on a Sunday morning and ask, "ARE YOU OPEN ON THURSDAY!!!!!!"

They'll say, "Yes,"

you say, "THANK YOU!!!!!"

And run! Let them figure it out.​

That was one of my favorite jokes from him.​

EDIT:

Spoiler: Also, I liked some of the cat jokes he's made

 

[Thedayrecker]

Carlin was... just.... wow.... he was great