The high school period is 11 to 18, isn't it?
In Norway, that time period is divided into the last year of elementary school, three years of secondary school, and three years of upper secondary.
Elementary school was lots of fun, and looking at it in hindsight I realize I didn't really appreciate it while I was there. I miss fucking around in woodshop, and dropping waterballoons down the stairs.
On the other hand, I did receive some bullying as well. Mostly in the form of petty opportunistic violence and threats.
And there was that one time I was trampled by a stampeding flock of kids. Sucked pretty hard.
Secondary school sucked really hard when I look at it in hindsight, but I didn't really realize how much it sucked at the time.
I spent three years at pretty much the bottom of the social hierarchy, being socially ostracized and bullied moderately.
I was still a reasonably happy kid, although I had a lot of hatred in me for the bullies.
A memory that sticks out is one from the final ball or party or whatever when school was over. A friend of mine explained to me that all the girls in class though I was scary. That appears to have been the truth, as in years to come I've been, from time to time, compared to Dexter and I've had girls tell me outright that I frighten them.
*shrug*
I don't have a particularly sympathetic face. Eyebrows pointing downward, and default facial expression being bored disapproval. I'm also pretty silent, and not in the habit of smiling. I guess it puts people of.
When I reached upper secondary, I entered a new community of mature and accepting people (read: school for nerds). Suddenly, people were pleasant to be around.
However, at this point I realized that the three years I spent being treated like crap in secondary had left me with no social skills whatsoever.
I realized how poorly I'd actually been treated the past three years, and how it'd left me pretty much a wreck socially and emotionally. This realization had me plunge into a depression that would last a year or two.
At this point I also started to realize that I'm actually not unattractive. I started to realize that girls were actually flirting with me, but the realization that I had no idea how to figure out when they were flirting and how to react to their advances just led me deeper into depression.
I spent this time with suicidal thoughts and occasionally dipping my toe into self-harm.
Then, in year 12/13 I started to settle with a few close friends and generally had my quality of life improve a good bit.
I still remember a couple of friends reacting with faux-shock at me smiling once.
It was around this time I started drinking. It helped me open up in social situations and be comfortable, instead of being the loner who was always sitting in a corner at parties. I even got to the point where I was trying to flirt with girls, but my pathological inability to do small-talk hampered me.
I had a couple of episodes with binge drinking that I'm not proud of, and later I started smoking.
These days I practically don't drink at all, as I've realized how crappy a drug alcohol really is. Instead I prefer to smoke with a few close friends and just enjoy myself.
I've still never had a girlfriend, and I'm still not completely fine emotionally, but save for the anxiety regarding what I will do with my life now that I'm growing up, I'm doing better.
What do I regret most?
Drunkenly attempting to hook up with a friend in a hotel room I shared with three other guys, probably.
Either that, or the fact that I never hit on any of the girls who kept flirting with me in year 11.
Was it worth remembering or forgetting?
I don't believe anything is worth forgetting. You can't learn from it if you do. You need to remember things, accept them, and deal with them.
Also, the near constant massages courtesy of two of the aforementioned girls in grade 11 were pretty chill. Wouldn't want to forget that.
Although I would almost like to forget how I nearly failed my Norwegian exam. I normally do fives and sixes (top grade) in that subject, but on my exam, where it really counts, I got a two.
)
