Hilarious dialogue in games

[Akai Shizuku]

What are some of the funniest things characters have said in games? For me, I'll have to give the following:

"Ahh! I'm still a virgin!"
-GTA Chinatown Wars, civilian after I ran him over


"Are they insane?! They're going to set off the nuke!"

"Calm down, sergeant. We've got bigger problems."

-Two soldiers in Modern Warfare Mobilized

 

[keybird]

"Who goes to war in a cowboy hat"
"Uh, cowboys"
"Cowboys havent been in a war in over 200 years"
"Dallas Cowboys go to war every Sunday, sometimes Monday"

Sweetwater and Haggard from Bad Company 2

 

[reiem531]

Anything said in Earthbound.

"I was at a Solitaire Tournament last night, I lost my shirt. Maybe next time I'll invite you. Wait, do you even know what Solitaire is?"


"We offer a special discount on tombstones for those that have passed away in our hospital."


"You come buying? You can sell too! I, Mr. Saturn, can do all for you."
"You want sell things at me boing?


"Aiiiiieeeeeeeeee! I screamed 'cause I didn't know what to do."

"This traffic jam is so long! Man do I gotta go!" *not noticing the store with a bathroom not far from her*


"Here's 50 bucks. Go buy yourself a juice or something"

"Don't stand by me I just farted"

 

[lollipopz]

Only thing that springs to mind is the entire Bayonetta script. Hilarious in a cringeworthy way, I mean :B

 

[Kiefer13]

Resident Evil. The entire game. The voice acting is so badly done that it actually makes the game better, since it's hilarious.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

"Forget health packs, I got a shotgun!" -Alyx from Half-Life 2 Episode 1

 

[doopdoopdoopdoop]

Anything said in Earthbound.
*snip*

Couldn't agree more. Man, I love that game.

 

[LeonLethality]

INB4 Jill sandwi- DAMN YOU KIEFER!

well I'm out of ideas...

 

[somekindawizard]

"Don't you recognize your Uncle? Its a Me, Mario!" - Assassins Creed 2. Brilliant.

 

[Sir Kemper]

"Those Asari/Hanhar porn games are weird..."

"Sorry, i was just playing this human game, i think it's called...Solitare."

"I don't understand what the big deal about those war games are, there just games."

-Local Citadel game gameshop clerk.

Also, almost anything your doctor friend says in ME2, useually becuase he's spouting technobabble at incredibaly high speeds.

Also TF2, anything they say in TF2.

 

[Battenbergcake]

I'm afraid one line trumps the rest

"master of unlocking"
http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l82/residentevilunion/Resident%20Evil%20Characters/BarryBurtonPNG-1.png
Basically anything that comes from this man's mouth is solid gold.

 

[Tempest Fox]

I don't know about you, but I still love the scene in Mass Effect 2 where Mordin sings Gilbert and Sullivan. Was a pleasant surprise, for sure. Also, the conversation that Garrus and Tali have when visiting the Citadel had some laughs as well.


Ah, the good ol' days...

 

[thepopeofatheism]

EVA: OK, your Raikov disguise is complete. Now they won't stop you no matter what you do.
Naked Snake: Even if I punch someone in the face?
EVA: Right.
Naked Snake: Really?
EVA: Really.
Naked Snake: Why?
EVA: Raikov's just that kind of guy.



Sigint: Snake, what's up? Why are you naked? I know there's a "NAKED" option under "UNIFORM" that lets you take off the upper part of your uniform. But without a shirt on, your camouflage sucks, and your stamina goes down faster. You don't get any advantages whatsoever.
Naked Snake: Sure there are.
Sigint: Like what?
Naked Snake: It feels good.
Sigint: ...Man, you do whatever you want.
Naked Snake: I will, thanks. Just one question, though.
Sigint: What?
Naked Snake: Is there a way to take off my pants?
Sigint: Say what?
Naked Snake: My pants, can I...
Sigint: Aw, hell no! This FOX unit is a nut fest!


Para-Medic: [On the radio] Snake, have you seen "007: From Russia with Love"?
Naked Snake: I don't like those movie. Real spies are nothing like James Bond. It's pure fantasy.
Para-Medic: Snake, I don't think the Major's going to like you saying that.
Naked Snake: And even though it's fiction. I can't help but comparing myself to Bond.
Major Zero: What exactly don't you like about James Bond? Is it the fantastic gadgets? The cars? The guns?
Naked Snake: Major...!
Major Zero: Snake, wouldn't you like to have a gun shaped like a pen?
Naked Snake: What good is a pen going to do me in the jungle? I'd look like a fool.
Major Zero: Then what about a snake-shaped gun? You could make it look like you're grappling with a giant snake and then get a shot in on the enemy while they're distracted.
Naked Snake: Ok, now you're being ridiculous.



Sigint: [if you call Sigint while wearing a cardboard box] Uh,Snake... what are you doing?
Naked Snake: I'm in a box.
Sigint: A cardboard box? Why are you...?
Naked Snake: I dunno. I was just looking at it, and suddenly I got this irresistible urge to get inside. No not just an urge - more than that. It was my destiny to be here; in the box.
Sigint: Destiny...?
Naked Snake: Yeah. And then when I put it on, I suddenly got this feeling of inner peace. I can't put it into words. I feel... safe. Like this is where I was meant to be. Like I'd found the key to true happiness.
Sigint: ...
Naked Snake: Does any of that make sense?
Sigint: Not even a little.
Naked Snake: You should come inside the box... Then you'll know what I mean.
Sigint: Man. I don't wanna know what you mean! Between you and Para-Medic, is everyone but me that is hooked up with the Major strange?
Naked Snake: ...
Sigint: Yeah, well, anyway. I suppose even that dumbass box might make a decent disguise if you wear it inside a building.


Ah, I love that game.

 

[The_ModeRazor]

Not really dialouge, but witnessing Legion do the Robot is just hilarious.

 

[Huxleykrcc]

"Well, I don't give a damn. Rain or shine, you're going down!"

I can never decide if RE4 was supposed to be camp or not...I tend to think not, which makes the writing somehow funnier.

 

[Axzarious]

A bunch of what Froh-Cobo says in Final Fantasy 13 is gold.

 

[Jon Etheridge]

Sam: My little buddy here needs to use the facilities.
Max: Facilities be damned! I need a bathroom

From "Sam and Max Hit the Road". My personal favorite game when it comes to laughs.

 

[Odd Water]

Various and lots of stuff I cant remember and don't want to misquote and have fan-boys beating down my back over a mistake. But here's one that always stuck in mind.

"No, not again!" Grunt in Halo after sticking a grenade to him. Was always odd to me because it makes you wonder how many times they have been blown up and survived.

All the little party talk moments Ogren does in Dragon Age: Origins were funny. Loved when him and Allistar where talking, Ogren was talking about polishing his weapon, Allistar thought he was just using metaphor for masturbation.

Just about all the dialogue in the Brutal Legend game. Especially the first time you meet the Guardian of Metal, Ozzy's whole few minute speech was the highlight of the game for me.

Pretty much anything said by the computer in the Portal game, especially during the final fight as you pick up each sphere and the things they say. The snarling one was my favorite, it was a hilarious surprise, I nearly dropped my controller from laughing.

 

[LiftYourSkinnyFists]

"When was the last time the wind said hostiles to you?!"

"Well we're not here to sell cookies, so they know something 's up"

And anything from the age of empires taunts.