How do you help someone that doesn't want help?

[Yoshi178]

So today i ran into the sister of my old friend i used to go to high school with.

This old high school friend of mine treated me pretty badly the last time i spoke to her like 4 or 5 years ago. Anyway her sister i ran into today filled me in with what's been going on since i left high school all those years ago and apparently my old friend has alienated literally everyone from herself and hasn't even seen or spoken to her family in more than 2, nearly 3 years now.

Her sister was telling me all about how worried her family has become about my old friend because she just left them completely in the dark and all they know about my old friend now is that she happens to work in the building right next to my apartment building. and i think i've even seen her a few times around the complex but because of our falling out, i haven't gone up and ever spoken to her about things since.

All her sister and her family just want to know is if my old friend is ok and happy. even just a photo of her so they can see for themselves that my old friend is ok they would love to have just for closure.
Do you guys think there would be a problem if i went over to my old friends work and just asked reception there, not so much personal information, just ask them if my friend is even ok at all?
and more so than that, how do you even help a person and friend, that doesn't even want help from anyone?

just sucks and makes me sad to hear whats happened to my friend in all these years since we've left high school.

 

[Saelune]

Wanting help and seeking/accepting help arent the same thing. Ive been "offered help" by people who because I do not trust them, I do not accept or seek it. Or they offer me help in ways I find difficult to accept.

Some people build walls not to keep people out, but to see who is willing and cares enough to break them down.

Helping people is not easy. If you want to help without any drama, well, dont bother then. If this person needs help, drama is likely to occur. People are uncomfortable dealing with issues and true feelings. In my experience, alot of people prefer to simply ignore it because they dont like the effort required.

Some drama with my own family that is still ultimately unresolved almost caused an argument this morning. One I was willing to start, but the other person tends to ignore the issue. I straight up told them they should drop it if they are unwilling to actually get into the argument.

I dont know your friend's personal situations. Going to their work sounds like a bad idea honestly, since you dont want to get them in trouble at their job, or even make them feel like their laundry is being aired in front of co-workers or bosses.

If you really want to deal with it, better to try to reach the person themselves.

Ultimately I have no real answers, just that if you really want to help, it wont be easy, it wont be quick, and it wont be pretty, if there are problems anyways. And ofcourse who is to say they arent being deceptive. Asking people "How are you?" is such a meaningless civility that even when at my most depressed, I am never inclined to answer it honestly, since most people who ask that dont actually care.

So basically, be prepared to work for it, and to find you may bite off more than you intended to chew.

 

[kalio]

I agree. You can only do so much. But i would say, don't give up by just a few trials, keep on, because maybe they will eventually realise that you care so much to continue and never give up on them. Easier said than done, but hang in there!