How Have You Changed With Age?

[happyninja42]

So I'm about to turn 44, and having been a lifelong nerd/gamer, I have noticed, looking back at things from my past (partly due to the Nostalgia Market peddling the stuff of my youth for the last decade or so), that when I think about how I was back then, compared to now, it's been a lot of changes. But in other ways, I've stayed the same. So I thought I'd share, and see how others have seen themselves change.

As far as things that seem to be roughly the same, my dislike of conflict and confrontations/violence. I never liked them as a kid, I never liked hurting things (though most insects were exempt from this feeling, sorry bugs!), I never enjoyed hunting or anything like that, and the one time I witnessed an animal being killed (my brother killing a blackbird with a BB gun), I felt sick as I watched it die. And that's really never changed. I abhor violence, though I don't mind physical conflicts like martial arts/sparring, when the whole point is just to test your physical capabilities. But actual, violence, or fighting types where you actually hurt each other (boxing/MMA) I just don't enjoy them. And I dislike our emphasis on it in culture, especially when so little of my personal life has had anything to do with violence. So that's a common thread.

I also seem to have always been a fairly contemplative, low key, person. My mom used to tell stories of how when I was a toddler, I was the easiest baby for her to care for, compared to my brother who was a constant drama queen. She mentioned how she could just plop me down at the beach, put me under an umbrella, and give me a bucket and pail, and I would just entertain myself for hours, perfectly chill. Whereas my brother needed constant stimulation or he would lose his shit. I do still seem to be this way, as I like things to be chill. My preferred state is to just be relaxed, content, and the people around me to be so as well. I find it's easier to break my chill these days though, at least in certain circumstances. Mainly because I've found I have eroded a lot of my patience for certain flavors of interpersonal bullshit, and I'm more inclined to call people out on it these days. But it's still rare, because I don't like the above mentioned conflict that can come from it.

Things that have changed about me.

I've noticed I'm more optimistic than I used to be. Granted, current events are seriously working to damage my chill, but on the long term scale, overall, I definitely have a more optimistic outlook about life, for the species as a whole. When I was a teenager though, it was definitely not so much the case. I was still pretty upbeat, but there would be long stretches of years where the shit going on at home would push me down some dark mental routes. The thought of suicide was a real concern, and I engaged in cutting as a form of emergency therapy for a few months as well. It got pretty bad, but it didn't last. And as I was able to distance myself from those who were generating all that negativity and conflict, I found my life getting MUCH better. And I was able to find my chill again. And that optimism has gotten better over the years. I find myself getting upset about far fewer things overall. Not saying I don't get frustrated, but if say, 100 things used to be what drove me to anger and frustration/depression, I'd say that now I'm probably down to like 25-30 things. Those fewer things have a higher chance of getting me pissed, but I find fewer things actually make me lose my shit than before.

I also just don't worry myself with my entertainment things as much as I used to. While I was never a huge "advocate" for the different things I loved (star wars, dune, etc), I wasn't going to argue with you about why something was good/bad, but I do find I get less upset if something is bad. Like, I really didn't like Rise of Skywalker, but I also don't care that I really didn't like it. It's just a film, it's not the end of the world, despite what some people on the internet would suggest. I also find I don't care if people dislike/like something I feel the opposite about. Again, I was never huge in this camp anyway, but I don't consider their dislike of something I love, or vice versa, to be a personal attack on me. Now if they say something like "X sucks and if you like it you're a fucking moron" well that's a personal attack, but that's on them, not my internal processing of their statement.

I also find I'm more socially outgoing than I used to be. I still consider myself an introvert, and I prefer to be by myself, or with just a few close friends. But I also don't have a problem talking to strangers socially. This is probably due to the fact that for the last 20+ years, all of my jobs have been some kind of customer service job, so I've had plenty of practice talking to people and becoming adept at striking up conversations with strangers about stuff I don't know.

I also find I seem to have more empathy for people (always did really) ever since I firmly established myself as an atheist, and gave up the various flavors of supernatural thinking I used to adopt. I find it far easier to empathize with my fellow organics knowing that we're all just out here, making our way through things as best we can. That today might be one person's worst day, and me helping them out might make a significant impact on them going forward. I've noticed a lot of people opt out of actually helping with stuff like "i'll pray for you." or "god bless you" or whatever, but then just walk away and don't do anything.

Tied to that last point, I find I have almost zero patience for religious bullshit these days. That's definitely high up on that "25-30 things that still piss me off" list. I used to not really care about what people believed, but as I've seen how the world has changed, and how people use their religion as a blunt weapon to cudgel people into line and justify their "faith" for treating other humans like shit, and then try and say their religion is good and moral....yeah I just don't care for that shit anymore. I find that's one of the points I will definitely be more likely to call someone out on in public, if I hear them acting like a dick, or trying to forgive dickish behavior with the religion.

I'm sure there are other things, but those are some recent highlights.

So what about you? What nuggets of understanding about yourself have you gleaned from some self-reflection?

 

[SupahEwok]

I've developed dyshidrotic eczema and lactose intolerance in my mid-20s, have started being sore if I sleep wrong, and am staring down the barrel of an economic depression the moment I decided to start a career, while not being able to find a therapist to help me through my mental depression.

I conclude that growing older sucks ass.

 

[Palindromemordnilap]

Adult me is definitely more patient than teenage me was. Pretty sure you could say that of basically every teenager who become an adult though

 

[happyninja42]

I've developed dyshidrotic eczema and lactose intolerance in my mid-20s, have started being sore if I sleep wrong, and am staring down the barrel of an economic depression the moment I decided to start a career, while not being able to find a therapist to help me through my mental depression.

I conclude that growing older sucks ass.

Yeah I forgot to list the "constant dull ache and pain of aging, and wear and tear on joints" Sleep is now a sporadic thing, partly due to some very noisy and needy cats with a desire to be active at 4:30am EVERY morning.

Adult me is definitely more patient than teenage me was. Pretty sure you could say that of basically every teenager who become an adult though

Very likely true, but I do think it's worth reflecting on those things, and looking back on how you used to be. And it would be interesting to see if people really do become more patient with age, on average.

 

[Palindromemordnilap]

Very likely true, but I do think it's worth reflecting on those things, and looking back on how you used to be. And it would be interesting to see if people really do become more patient with age, on average.

True, I'll admit I've worked with some people who very clearly held on to their behaviour as teenagers despite having log reached the point where they should have outgrown it

 

[Baffle]

Short version: Balder, fatter, less productive.

Long version: I got older, which made me balder and fatter, and I started smoking lots of weed, which made me less productive but less stressed/frustrated. I've also become a fairly militant socialist, which made me more stressed/frustrated.

I have an intense desire to build a brick pizza oven, but no real need to do so, or to use one.

 

[Kae]

I don't think I can answer that question, not because I'm unable to come up with an answer but because my head is a jumbled mess and I have too many answers.

I have an intense desire to build a brick pizza oven, but no real need to do so, or to use one.

It doesn't matter do it!
It might be fun or something.

 

[SckizoBoy]

Ummm... hummm... uh...

I don't think I can answer that question, not because I'm unable to come up with an answer but because my head is a jumbled mess and I have too many answers.

Yeah, that.

But seriously, I can identify a few things about my personality, I'm not as brash as I was younger, nor as obviously mischievous (only really my wife sees that side of me these days). I was thinking that most of my apparent bombast as a teenager was trying to deal with chronic major depression to the point of turning it into bipolar disorder. Now I've learned how to properly deal with it (or at least I hope so). And for good or ill, I think a bit too much these days (it's why I don't post much in Current Affairs/R&P in the days of old, 'cos I'll spend so long researching a post there's no point posting it because the discussion has gotten ahead of me, and anything I do post is generally pretty spontaneous in nature so I come over as a jerk, an idiot, or both).

My tastes have changed, some trivial habits and minor behaviours have changed, too, but they hardly matter, IMO. Some things about me haven't changed, however, and that's what I'm judged for (even though I myself am the main judge).

 

[Catfood220]

As I rapidly approach my 41st birthday, I have come to the conclusion that I am turning into my dad. That's not a bad thing, but I have inherited his stupid sense of humour. I have grown a beard because I got fed up of shaving, despite the fact that I said I would never grow one because the process was far too itchy. My patience is getting shorter, this lockdown has been a nightmare because if I have to queue for the till, even a short one, then I have to fight the urge to murder everyone in the store. And don't get me started on people standing in the way of something I need.

However, I have started to collect cacti. To the point that I have bought some seeds to grow and then inflict, sorry, gift tiny baby cacti to every one I know. Also, I feel like homebrewing some Mead, again to inflict on everyone. I think that will be better received than the cacti.

Short version: Balder, fatter, less productive.

Are you me?

 

[happyninja42]

I've noticed my tastes in music have changed too. Not sure how common this is, but music is a HUGE emotional trigger for me. Like I don't really react at all to things like paintings or sculptures, especially when people's primary reaction to those things boil down to "wow, can you believe they did something like that hundreds of years ago?!" And I'm like "um..yes, yes I can. Humans have done amazing things for thousands of years. In fact we've done so many amazing things for so long, that a lot of them happened before we had recorded history, and so we are only uncovering some of the stuff these days. So no, I'm not terribly amazed that a dude with a substance abuse problem and a mental disorder, made some pictures with a bunch of dots. I'm glad you like it, that's fine, but it doesn't do shit for me." Now music though, holy shit will that have me weeping if it's the kind of music that hits my brain. But I have noticed that what I'm interested in, is highly tied to my overall mood, and my age. Like, most of the stuff I listened to in high school, I can't listen to anymore. Not so much those bands, but the specific albums. Like, TOOL for example. Their albums Opiate and Undertow, while intensely powerful to this day....I just can't listen to them anymore. The dark chords and tones just dredge up too much old shit from the time in my life that I used those albums for solace. And I find myself dipping down into something of a funk as a result. I find I enjoy their later albums more, as the band members themselves also grew and changed, and found different layers to their musical expression.

Some albums are perfect no matter what for me, though they can still take me back down a nostalgic funk, but it's more of an enjoyable funk. Like STP's album Purple, any time I hear the songs on that album, especially Still Remains, I think of a particular girl I loved from high school, that never returned it. I love the song, find it still enjoyable, but it's impossible to listen to it and not think of her. Which is fine, it's a sweet sadness (the definition of nostalgia I guess).

Then there are albums by RUSH, which I can listen to those no matter what era/time, though they still trigger memories if they were the ones I listened to back in the day. Specifically the album Presto, which I've stated elsewhere I credit with saving my life back then, one song in particular, but the whole album was an emotional/psychological balm for me as a young teen.

But I find I don't like metal as much as I used to. Some bands are still fun, and some new ones hit my enjoyment centers, but I noticed in my late teens, to early 20s a shift towards techno, specifically trance. And that's become something of the core musical tastes for me these days. It's actually grown in emphasis for my tastes really. I just find I enjoy the more positive focused, beautiful musics of various DJs in the techno/EDM genre, bringing me more joy and solace, than the stuff I used to listen to.

Also noticed that I have less patience for, or desire for stories about people fighting. Your action flicks, and war movies. Never a huge draw for me, but with age, I prefer stories that don't highlight and glamorize violence, of any sort really. Though I don't mind martial arts style violence, to a point, as in most cases, both people walk away without any permanent injury. So using that as a medium for conflict I am fine with. Gratuitous violence though...meh, no thanks. Show me a story about a character who uses their intelligence and cunning, to bypass, outsmart the challenges in front of them any day.

 

[happyninja42]

I don't think I can answer that question, not because I'm unable to come up with an answer but because my head is a jumbled mess and I have too many answers.

Well part of the point of this thread was to give people a chance to actually consider the question, something that a lot of us don't take time to do, self-reflection. That can just as easily mean thinking about sorting out all the different answers and articulating them, and not just "coming up with the answers".

 

[Neuromancer]

I've mostly grown more tired.

 

[ObsidianJones]

Here's the thing. I've gotten younger.

Ok, let me back up. I was in Montreal studying in 2006. And Valentine's day of that year (like I need another reason to hate that day), my dad had his stroke. It would leave him with severe vascular dementia. Retained enough of him that he could play the role, but he was generally confused most of the time. My family asked me to drop out and to take care of him. My mother said she would retire that year to take over.

She retired in June 2013. I moved out and tried to start my life again. In November 2013, she had her first stroke. One of four in a 10 month time period.

I took care of them until 2018, where an episode showed that she couldn't come back. That she needed actual 24/7 medical support. I remember remarking to a friend who said this must have been a huge burden off of me that on the contrary, I realized that I checked my mother into the place she's going to die in. And I was right.

But here's why I said I got younger. In 2006, I was 26. Most people will remember that as the time you're supposed to be on your own and find yourself. From that point until my 38th year, I completely put myself dead last in terms of trying to do everything for my parents. I barely even slept because one night, my mom decided that she had to walk in blizzard conditions to work. And I just so happened to have to go to the bathroom while she was lacing up her sneakers.

Now, I'm finally starting to just question what I want. What I'm going to do. What matters to me. I'm just getting used to thinking about myself first whenever a decision comes in front of me, not how it will affect everyone else.

It's weird.

 

[SilentPony]

Well I can tell you I've grown way more apathetic and cynical. And I have a hard time telling if Im getting lazier, slower, weaker or if the world really is becoming darker and too mentally exhausting to care about anymore.

 

[Agema]

Mostly, in terms of getting older, I think of declining physical capability - less energy, more aches and pains after exercise, easier to pick up injuries and longer to recover, etc.

I have developed mentally too, it's just I don't think that's so much "ageing" as having to deal with stuff and learning new things required to cope with it.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

I don't have a gall bladder anymore.

 

[Baffle]

It doesn't matter do it!
It might be fun or something.

I moved a manhole cover, but it didn't give me quite the pizza-oven kick I was looking for.

 

[Baffle]

However, I have started to collect cacti. To the point that I have bought some seeds to grow and then inflict, sorry, gift tiny baby cacti to every one I know. Also, I feel like homebrewing some Mead, again to inflict on everyone. I think that will be better received than the cacti.

Are you me?

Given that I used to do loads of brewing (to the tune of 500 bottles ready to drink) and my thriving interest in plants, that is quite possible.

Edit: I am a spring-chicken of 39 though. Totally wrote string-chicken first, which seems more likely.

 

[Elvis Starburst]

Just turned 27 a few weeks ago. Matured a hell of a lot, though I still often feel like there's a lot of traits about me that I had a decade ago that still hold on tight and don't budge, for better and for worse. Learned a lot about myself and am still having to come to terms with some aspects of that. As is apparently typical for many in this thread, got a little more jaded and cynical about a lot of stuff, ended up becoming more reclusive as well. I tightened my social circles a fair bit, came to an understanding of what I want from other people and how I want to be treated on a day to day life. Just sucks I can't really get some of that still working retail. I've been doing the hunt for what I wanna do for a career for nearly a decade now and have gained 0 traction the entire time, and it's really messed me up worrying about it

 

[Kae]

Well part of the point of this thread was to give people a chance to actually consider the question, something that a lot of us don't take time to do, self-reflection. That can just as easily mean thinking about sorting out all the different answers and articulating them, and not just "coming up with the answers".

I guess so, at the time I made that post though I had been trying to write an answer for over an hour so I guess I just gave up, though to be fair I spend most of my time in self-reflection, often comparing choices and seeing what's changed in my reasoning for that, the way that I have come to perceive reality in a completely different manner than I did when I was a kid, a teenager and even a young adult makes it really hard to describe, I mean when I know now that what I saw then isn't how things actually were it becomes a mess to explain change, when even what was isn't really what I remember, it's even hard to tell if what I saw then was filtered through my delusions of what reality was, how do I even know that the "truths" I've learned, that the fact that I misinterpreted everything doesn't mean that I could be doing the same now and therefore still absolutely delusional, how much of what I see is actual reality and how much is it me projecting my misconceptions of what reality is?

Seems like a weird question to ask, but I know for a fact that I was wrong, I perceived everything wrong, for example when I first joined the original version of this forum I described myself as tall, stoic, with a scar on my left eye and therefore very intimidating to people, but while I most certainly believed that in reality, yes those things I described physically are accurate, but I was also very lean with a very hourglass like shape, with very delicate and feminine facial features, in addition to having been really shy back then and basically acting like a scared deer 99% percent of the time back then so more nervous than stoic, also most people told me I was pretty cute or adorable back then so, yeah that's how in reality I looked, I looked cute but I somehow was completely unable to see that and thought I was super scary and intimidating.
And that's just how I perceived myself let's not get into other people or organisations, I mean I did last a whole week without eating once because I was convinced the church was trying to poison me, and while my perception of the church is still negative I highly doubt that was actually the case, while sure they didn't like me, my ideals, my morals or my atheism and especially how loud I was about them back then, it's highly unlikely they would have tried to murder me, especially since they were so focused on converting me.

But yeah, it's hard to describe what's changed, when it's too much, it would be easier to describe what hasn't, which is basically that I'm still pretty sarcastic and cynical, I'm still mostly distrustful of strangers and I still look much younger than what I actually am which has always been a thing, though I'll admit it has stopped annoying me, I still get my foot firmly stuck in my mouth often because apparently I'm incapable of understanding etiquette (Looking like a teenager has proven to be an asset in these situations, though I've always leveraged that in my favour as people tend to be more forgiving the younger they think you are, I don't know what I'll do when I start looking like an adult, probably panic.), I still have an over-inflated opinion of myself and probably quite a few other things that I'm forgetting.

If I were to recall the most important things that have changed, I'm much kinder than I used to be, I'm much more confident to the point where I tend to be pretty assertive, I'm much more tolerant and definitely less pretentious, though I'll admit that I still pretend to be smarter and more educated than I actually am, but I don't mind admitting that I'm wrong anymore, and I think I'm going to be a bit of an anomaly, as since I've always been very cynical though I still am, I'm much less cynical than I used to be to the point that I'd say I've become a bit optimistic, also while I'm still distrustful of people I don't automatically assume everyone is a piece of shit anymore, mostly because I learned the value of empathy somewhere along the way, so overall, even if I'm depressed all the time I think things have changed for the better.
Also I did start accepting the fact that I'm asexual recently which has been a huge lift of my shoulders as it's refreshing to not have to pressure myself into dating people or having sex anymore, you know it's not something I ever enjoyed but I had to do it because, well everyone has to and especially when you're attractive otherwise people will hate on you for having a huge ego, which admittedly I do have, it does explain a lot though, there's this huge misconception that it's just that you're too shy to day but you know I'm attractive I don't have to ask people out, and it's not like I haven't tried it, I think I can make my own informed opinion based on the data that I have gathered but you know, people will never stop saying that so I guess it makes more sense to keep it to myself, just to avoid needless circular discussions with people that think they know you better than you do.
BTW, being asexual explains too much about my teenage years but I'm sure no one wants to read that.

I moved a manhole cover, but it didn't give me quite the pizza-oven kick I was looking for.

I'm afraid that means you have to make the Pizza oven, I'm sorry but it's the only way.