How Many Children Could You Fend Off?

[PsychicTaco115]

Suppose you're minding your own business when all of a sudden, a roving band of kindergartners comes out of nowhere and attacks you.

How many of them could you hold off before they tire you out and gain the advantage? For the sake of this exercise, the kids will attack one at a time

Personally, I'd say I could handle about 50 of them before my hand gets tired of slapping them all

 

[Colour Scientist]

It depends.

Will there be really chubby ones?

I actually don't know. I'm pretty unfit so probably an embarrassingly small number.

 

[Vegosiux]

What are they attacking with? Swords or sheer childlike adorableness? Because, if it's the former I could fend off maybe one, and in the latter case, well, keep 'em coming, I can fight off childlike adorableness for days.

 

[IndomitableSam]

Considering I taught kids, and ran the afterschool program for a year.... The most kids I've had at a time is about 45, aged 4-11.

Except, when I was working with kids, I was in good shape, because, well, kids. Now? I dunno.

A 5-year old beating on you with their fists doesn't hurt. At all. If they kick you with shoes on, it might hurt a bit, but all you have to do is push them down and they're off crying in the corner.

So my answer? Many. Especially if I can dredge up the old Angry School Librarian Voice(tm). You know the one.

 

[Reiper]

One at a time makes it too easy.

Stand up from your chair right now and start punching or kicking. As long as you still have the energy to punch or kick, you can still hold off the children, since each blow is one incapped kid. Now if a bunch swarmed at once, that might be more interesting.

 

[Scarim Coral]

Seeing how I didn't fair well against them when I was in primary school (me and my mate were took the monitor duty in kids changing/ restroom during breaks and lunch time), the result will most likely be the same unless this time these kid don't aim for my balls.

 

[Able Seacat]

According to this I can only take twenty 5 year olds in a fight which I think kinda sucks.

 

[KarmaTheAlligator]

According to this I can only take twenty 5 year olds in a fight which I think kinda sucks.

It's 25 for me, although I don't think they take everything into consideration. I've been around kids most of my life, I know how to handle them, so I'd say double that number at least.

 

[DementedSheep]

I once helped a friend who was working at a kindergarten. She told them I was a pirate (because I had a skull on my T-Shirt) and liked hugs. Next thing I know I?m getting mobbed by little the blighters. Of course in that case it would have been really inappropriate of me to hit one.

OT: How many could I fend off? Hmm do I have a weapon? Do they have a weapon? because a kid kicking you is more annoying than anything. If they don't have a weapon I could probably hold them off for hours or just walk away. If do they have weapons that is another matter. Probably a pitifully small number.

 

[Colour Scientist]

According to this I can only take twenty 5 year olds in a fight which I think kinda sucks.

I got 16.

That's 36 if we team up though!

 

[Dirty Hipsters]

I would like to think I could take down a metric shitload of kids (if there weren't any moral or legal ramifications).

I'm tall, I'm in really good shape, I have good endurance, and I carry a pocket knife with me everywhere. I could probably take down a hundred of them or so if the situation called for it.

 

[Able Seacat]

According to this I can only take twenty 5 year olds in a fight which I think kinda sucks.

I got 16.

That's 36 if we team up though!

And dress up as power rangers to mess with the little monsters minds! I call dibs on green ranger.

 

[Colour Scientist]

According to this I can only take twenty 5 year olds in a fight which I think kinda sucks.

I got 16.

That's 36 if we team up though!

And dress up as power rangers to mess with the little monsters minds! I call dibs on green ranger.

Pfft, fine, I wanted to be the Pink Ranger anyway!

 

[Little Woodsman]

Well I don't think I could bring myself to hit a kindergarten-age child, so the question becomes how many can I give "airplane spins" of sufficient duration to leave them incapacitated before becoming worn out myself. And the answer is probably about 4, some years ago I did six in a row one right after another, but I was in better shape then, and the duration of each spin wasn't sufficient to incapacitate the child.
(Never, I mean *NEVER* give a child at a day-care center or playground an airplane spin unless you are prepared to do so for all the children present...I was pretty darn sore the next day....)

 

[PsychicTaco115]

Well I don't think I could bring myself to hit a kindergarten-age child

Fine, consider them midgets; they smoke, drink and partake in shenanigans that seem funnier when they do it, but not to average height people

 

[tippy2k2]

I think the biggest issue (for myself and any dude at least) is that Kindergartners are at a perfect height to punch you right in the ding dong.

I'm pretty sure I could take on every Kindergartner until one of them eventually gets the critical hit. Like a video game boss, I could probably get through two little kid shots to my glowing red spot (...everyone else's dealy glows, right?) before the third one would drop me to my knees and it would be game over. It's just a matter of time...

 

[Little Woodsman]

Well I don't think I could bring myself to hit a kindergarten-age child

Fine, consider them midgets; they smoke, drink and partake in shenanigans that seem funnier when they do it, but not to average height people

\

Well, that's still me hitting people who are much weaker than I am, but given the correct motivation (say they were attempting to hurt my kid) I think the trick for most guys doing this would be to drop to one knee so our "glowing red spot" is not a viable target for them...I'm pretty confident I could take out at least a couple dozen (knowing how to hit correctly-which I do-would be a fantastic advantage in this fight). A punch aimed *through* the target would take most of them down with one hit each.

 

[shootthebandit]

I would like to think I could take down a metric shitload of kids (if there weren't any moral or legal ramifications).

I reckon i could take on an imperial shitload, i will never ever recognise the decimalisation of the shitload. The fuckton on the other hand should be metric it is an SI unit

 

[Jamieson 90]

According to that quiz I could apparently take on 22 five year olds, but as someone who works with young kids let me just say this, if they can't take you down physically then they'll wear you down mentally, and if that fails there's always their germs and illnesses, seriously my first week I think I caught everything and unlike the little blighters you don't bounce back as fast as them, that and their energy reserves seem limitless.

 

[Jamieson 90]

Double post, sorry.