1. Find things that most guys get erections over (porn, more porn, nuclear explosions)
This will help set your standards as a company, that works for the people who will buy their games. Call of Duty, knew that most people were racists, who wanted to kill insurgents.
2. Throw some zombies in
There are two kinds of people, people who play zombie games, because they're scary and awesome, and people who play zombie games, because they see it as a virtual trainer for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Left 4 Dead even went as far as to pick four random types of people. Who just happened to meet eachother. And be immune to the zombie virus. And have weapons training.
3. Throw in some contreversy
GTAIV, COD6, what do these two games have in common? No, apart from the fact that they're shittier counterparts of good games. No, not the abbreviations. That's right, those of you who were smart enough to note the sentence next to the number '3' gain a merit. If you have contreversy, only a person who was afraid they'd turn into pure Satanic, bread-spreading, knife worshippers by playing the game wouldn't play it, and those people are a new level of suck
4. Compare it to better games
Slightly tied in with the contreversy section. Why? Because I say so. Treyarch are famous for going on about how COD:WAW would be equally as good as MW. This is because they're moron's, who obviously can't tell the difference between Insurgents and Nazis, and I wouldn't trust them in a war
5. Make a sequel
Sometimes a sequel isn't necessary, sometimes it is. But either way, it's still a dick move. It's not incredibly stupid to say that few sequels, are better than the original, Half-Life 2 springs to mind, but I beg to differ. Although the graphics were lame, Half-Life was set in an underground research bunker, with aliens teleporting in. You are a meek physicist, who overcomes all odds, and saves the world. You are then put into stasis. In the sequel, you are running about a series of different places that, while awesome and original, cannot compare to the original. However, ValvE have made more money, and aquired a huger fanbase through HL2 than HL, which means it must be better... statistically. Oh, and Ubisoft patched up the bad characterisation in Assassins Creed II, that was there in Creed I. But everyone was too busy admiring the new characters, to care.
6. Introduce original marketing
I had a few examples, but they were pretty boring, in my mind. So I invented my own one. Set up a video, to look like it's going to be a porn film. Get everything ready. As soon as it looks like we'll see some action, the advertisement for the product comes up, at the end of the advert put something up, saying "Buy the game and enter your redemption code online, for the rest of the video." To make it funnier, just send them 2Girls1Cup. You don't have to worry about much after that, if they send in a complaint, it's evident that they were going for a porn movie, anyway.
7. Ignore the rules in place.
YEAH! WE DONT' NEED DEDICATED SERVERS! YOU KNOW WHAT? WHY DO WE NEED AUTO-RUN? These rules are in place for a reason. Overlook that reason. Release the game anyway. Then everyone will call your new method of gameplay legendary, and bound to go down as one of the greatest things gamemakers can ever do. Ever
8. Show off your wealth
As evidenced by every game company that tried to put some new gimmick in their video games, that someone else had the idea for, but not the money for.
This will help set your standards as a company, that works for the people who will buy their games. Call of Duty, knew that most people were racists, who wanted to kill insurgents.
2. Throw some zombies in
There are two kinds of people, people who play zombie games, because they're scary and awesome, and people who play zombie games, because they see it as a virtual trainer for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Left 4 Dead even went as far as to pick four random types of people. Who just happened to meet eachother. And be immune to the zombie virus. And have weapons training.
3. Throw in some contreversy
GTAIV, COD6, what do these two games have in common? No, apart from the fact that they're shittier counterparts of good games. No, not the abbreviations. That's right, those of you who were smart enough to note the sentence next to the number '3' gain a merit. If you have contreversy, only a person who was afraid they'd turn into pure Satanic, bread-spreading, knife worshippers by playing the game wouldn't play it, and those people are a new level of suck
4. Compare it to better games
Slightly tied in with the contreversy section. Why? Because I say so. Treyarch are famous for going on about how COD:WAW would be equally as good as MW. This is because they're moron's, who obviously can't tell the difference between Insurgents and Nazis, and I wouldn't trust them in a war
5. Make a sequel
Sometimes a sequel isn't necessary, sometimes it is. But either way, it's still a dick move. It's not incredibly stupid to say that few sequels, are better than the original, Half-Life 2 springs to mind, but I beg to differ. Although the graphics were lame, Half-Life was set in an underground research bunker, with aliens teleporting in. You are a meek physicist, who overcomes all odds, and saves the world. You are then put into stasis. In the sequel, you are running about a series of different places that, while awesome and original, cannot compare to the original. However, ValvE have made more money, and aquired a huger fanbase through HL2 than HL, which means it must be better... statistically. Oh, and Ubisoft patched up the bad characterisation in Assassins Creed II, that was there in Creed I. But everyone was too busy admiring the new characters, to care.
6. Introduce original marketing
I had a few examples, but they were pretty boring, in my mind. So I invented my own one. Set up a video, to look like it's going to be a porn film. Get everything ready. As soon as it looks like we'll see some action, the advertisement for the product comes up, at the end of the advert put something up, saying "Buy the game and enter your redemption code online, for the rest of the video." To make it funnier, just send them 2Girls1Cup. You don't have to worry about much after that, if they send in a complaint, it's evident that they were going for a porn movie, anyway.
7. Ignore the rules in place.
YEAH! WE DONT' NEED DEDICATED SERVERS! YOU KNOW WHAT? WHY DO WE NEED AUTO-RUN? These rules are in place for a reason. Overlook that reason. Release the game anyway. Then everyone will call your new method of gameplay legendary, and bound to go down as one of the greatest things gamemakers can ever do. Ever
8. Show off your wealth
As evidenced by every game company that tried to put some new gimmick in their video games, that someone else had the idea for, but not the money for.
