WARNING: Personal opinion of this user may plummet after reading this critique.
Ladies and gentlemen of the Escapist, now that we're knee-deep in the largest sports event in the world I have a question to ask.
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!
I see no point in the Olympics, or any sport for that matter, whatsoever. Take hockey, for example. You watch twenty or so burly blokes whack a puck around and MAYBE get it into the net for about an hour. What could you have done in that hour? Could you have cooked that recipe you always wanted to try? Could you go watch that movie you heard was pretty sweet? Could you perhaps, by any chance, exercise so that you would be fit enough to maybe play hockey yourself?
No, you didn't. You watched the worst, least entertaining form of reality TV in existence.
That's right: I went there. Every competitive sporting match that has ever been broadcast over the internet is, by definition, in the same bracket as Big Brother, American Idol and Jersey Shore. And at least the characters in those irritating shows have some form of character development beyond "must win!"
But perhaps this sounds like the half-baked justifications of an alpha nerd who doesn't understand the appeal of sports. I've made this argument a dozen times, and every time I get the same answer: a sense of pride, that someone from YOUR hometown, home state or home country is the best of the best. The lesser scales do make sense to me, but I'm sorry: why should I care about some pumped-up athlete I've never met who probably has nothing in common with me? Whenever an Olympic event comes on with an Australian in it, my mother just has to cheer "Come on, Aussie!" from her sofa. I have to resist the urge to remind her that the little people in the glowing box can't hear her, as if she was five years old.
Yes, I live with my mother. (That shouldn't invalidate everything I've said.) She tells me to live with it. She tells me this is an exercise in acceptance. And I'd love to be able to hear my relatives cheer for the Australians and be happy for their joy.
Then I realise that the Olympics is just WAY more popular than it should be.
The level to which people love this event is ludicrous. The Olympics are everywhere! I can't escape it! Everyone I meet is excited over the Olympics. Every paper I read dedicates front page space to the Olympics. The event itself is many times more popular and loved than any scientist, doctor or non-corrupt politician could ever hope to be.
It's so popular that the distance London went to prepare for it is horribly ludicrous. Did anyone read that article Cracked wrote about that? You should be offended. A new lane on 39 kilometers of roadway reserved exclusively for Olympic workers, athletes and sponsors, NOT emergency services. A gigantic wall to protect Olympic buildings even larger than the Berlin Wall at its prime. The largest, smartest network of CCTV cameras, wasted on searching for counterfeit merchandise of that garish mascot Wenlock when they could be used to catch, I don't know, drug dealers and murderers!
All that money they spent on sports could have gone somewhere useful. Like the medical industry.
And it saddens me.
I don't know if my points were delivered well. I can't be sure if they support my beliefs or send them crumbling down. I KNOW that people are going to hate me for this. They'll read the subject and dive right in to call me a misery-guts and a party-pooper, if I'm lucky.
Maybe I am just a misery-guts and a party-pooper. Maybe I'm too big-headed and self-sure to see the Olympics for what they are. But I don't want to. I want this whole useless event to go away forever. I want people to stop comparing positions to precious metals. I want the Olympics to stop!
This opinion will almost certainly get me struck down. But I'm going to go down knowing I'm the only sane person on this whole goddamn planet.
...
By the way, if you spot an error in this post... do you really think I care?
Ladies and gentlemen of the Escapist, now that we're knee-deep in the largest sports event in the world I have a question to ask.
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!
I see no point in the Olympics, or any sport for that matter, whatsoever. Take hockey, for example. You watch twenty or so burly blokes whack a puck around and MAYBE get it into the net for about an hour. What could you have done in that hour? Could you have cooked that recipe you always wanted to try? Could you go watch that movie you heard was pretty sweet? Could you perhaps, by any chance, exercise so that you would be fit enough to maybe play hockey yourself?
No, you didn't. You watched the worst, least entertaining form of reality TV in existence.
That's right: I went there. Every competitive sporting match that has ever been broadcast over the internet is, by definition, in the same bracket as Big Brother, American Idol and Jersey Shore. And at least the characters in those irritating shows have some form of character development beyond "must win!"
But perhaps this sounds like the half-baked justifications of an alpha nerd who doesn't understand the appeal of sports. I've made this argument a dozen times, and every time I get the same answer: a sense of pride, that someone from YOUR hometown, home state or home country is the best of the best. The lesser scales do make sense to me, but I'm sorry: why should I care about some pumped-up athlete I've never met who probably has nothing in common with me? Whenever an Olympic event comes on with an Australian in it, my mother just has to cheer "Come on, Aussie!" from her sofa. I have to resist the urge to remind her that the little people in the glowing box can't hear her, as if she was five years old.
Yes, I live with my mother. (That shouldn't invalidate everything I've said.) She tells me to live with it. She tells me this is an exercise in acceptance. And I'd love to be able to hear my relatives cheer for the Australians and be happy for their joy.
Then I realise that the Olympics is just WAY more popular than it should be.
The level to which people love this event is ludicrous. The Olympics are everywhere! I can't escape it! Everyone I meet is excited over the Olympics. Every paper I read dedicates front page space to the Olympics. The event itself is many times more popular and loved than any scientist, doctor or non-corrupt politician could ever hope to be.
It's so popular that the distance London went to prepare for it is horribly ludicrous. Did anyone read that article Cracked wrote about that? You should be offended. A new lane on 39 kilometers of roadway reserved exclusively for Olympic workers, athletes and sponsors, NOT emergency services. A gigantic wall to protect Olympic buildings even larger than the Berlin Wall at its prime. The largest, smartest network of CCTV cameras, wasted on searching for counterfeit merchandise of that garish mascot Wenlock when they could be used to catch, I don't know, drug dealers and murderers!
All that money they spent on sports could have gone somewhere useful. Like the medical industry.
And it saddens me.
I don't know if my points were delivered well. I can't be sure if they support my beliefs or send them crumbling down. I KNOW that people are going to hate me for this. They'll read the subject and dive right in to call me a misery-guts and a party-pooper, if I'm lucky.
Maybe I am just a misery-guts and a party-pooper. Maybe I'm too big-headed and self-sure to see the Olympics for what they are. But I don't want to. I want this whole useless event to go away forever. I want people to stop comparing positions to precious metals. I want the Olympics to stop!
This opinion will almost certainly get me struck down. But I'm going to go down knowing I'm the only sane person on this whole goddamn planet.
...
By the way, if you spot an error in this post... do you really think I care?
